Celebrate another milestone with me!

Dear Family & Friends, 

Celebrate another milestone with me! ✨

It was the first time going out this weekend without my crutches. 🙌🏼 

I’m still a bit wobbly, move slowly and lean on my hubby a lot. But I did it! 🤩

…thinking back to lying in the hospital bed. I used to wonder when/how/if I’d walk again. Getting daily injections for thrombosis prevention, because I needed to lay on the sofa - keeping my leg elevated. My leg muscles were so weak I could barely raise them.

My ankle still swells up a lot. My doctor assured me that it’s normal. He also said that it could take up to a year before I feel like myself again.

I’m in awe of our bodies and its capabilities. And beyond grateful for the love, support & encouragement from far & wide. 

A big hug & much love to you all for the week ahead. 🤗❤️😘

Our baby, Benjamin

Benjamin wasn’t sick or old. This was just the most tragic way that he was meant to leave this world. The void is real and our hearts feel like it’s been squashed.

Darmesh & Tiffany were the best parents to this fur baby. My Dad adored this little guy. When I’d visit East London, Dad would make sure Benjamin came to greet me good morning in my room.

My Mum surprised us all. She loved dogs, but from a distance. She didn’t want them to jump on her - until she met this baby. In recent months when she’d babysit him, she’d tell him that she was going to mandir (temple) and that she’d be back soon. It’s like he understood and didn’t kick up a fuss when she walked out the door. 

I can still hear my Dad’s voice saying, “My baby booy”.

Go well, my baby Benjamin. You’re with Daddy now.  🐶💔🪔🙏🏼🕉🐾🌈

Goodbye our beloved Benjamin

Our hearts are completely shattered. 💔

Our beloved Benjamin left us and is now with our Dad in heaven.

Benjamin was run over by a speeding car yesterday. He suffered internal injuries - broken ribs, fractured spine, injured lung. 

Our little Pug was a fighter and I was sure he was going to pull through. 

The fact that he was still alive - after the woman thought she rode over a speed bump - was a miracle itself. 

This afternoon, I got the dreaded call that his condition was worsening by the hour. He was in pain. And they had to make the difficult decision - every fur parent’s worst nightmare.

My Mum was hysterical and kept saying, “He’s gone to Daddy.”

My brother was…actually, I have no words.

I am numb.

Aum Shanti Shanti Shanti 🕉🪔🙏🏼💔🐾

Shubh Diwali 2022

Shubh Diwali to my family & friends!

May your day be bright, bold, beautiful & blessed. 🪔🙏🏼✨🤗❤️

Although I wish I was with my Mum now, I’m making the best of my current situation. Lighting these diyas and setting out mithai next to my Dad’s photo brought me so much joy.

I truly love and appreciate the significance of Diwali - more so now as an adult. 

Light over darkness.

Good over evil. 

New beginnings.

Today also marks 3 months since my accident. It’s been a rollercoaster. My recovery is steady and I’m constantly reminded of how amazing our bodies heal.

A massive (virtual) warm hug to you all! 🤗❤️

October milestones!

One week into October and I have celebrated two milestones! 🤩

1 - Although I need help getting in and out, I can now stand under the shower, although for a short period. 🙌🏼

2 - Yesterday‘s outing was to the hairdresser and lunch with my in-laws. It was the first time without my moon boot and the first time I wore a shoe on my left foot - since the 24th of July. 🥳

It was a strange feeling taking each step. I still need the crutches for support.  As my brother said: it was the first time my leg saw the sun. ☀️😄

I’m still having physio every week. On the day that I tried to walk with just one crutch, I had to consciously flex my left foot when taking a step. Can you imagine forgetting how you used to walk?! My foot is still a bit stiff and my toes are slightly numb.

I have two dark scars on my leg from the metal “tv aerial” after my first op. The scars around my ankle are still healing and need to be treated with TLC. They don’t bother me as much as I thought they would. It’s a constant reminder of what I’ve been through and how far I’ve come. 

I have two upcoming follow-ups with the doctor. But I’m in good spirits and slowly, but surely re-gaining my independence. 🙏🏼

I wish you all a wonderful week ahead! 🤗❤️😘

Stills from my birthday VHS

I went down a rabbit hole in my photo gallery. 

These stills from the VHS of my birthday party makes me smile & choke up at the same time.

Featuring our fur baby, Apollo! 🐕 

I can’t believe I had such thick hair when I was little. Decades later, nothing’s changed. 😄

Bottom left pic was us dancing to “Jabulani” 🎶 If you click on the photo, you should be able to hear the music clip I’ve added to this post.  

My Dad loved music. I miss us sharing links of what we’d be listening to. 

Always & forever… Daddy’s girl! 🥰❤️🪔

I finally looked at my foot!

My doctor visited me at home today and removed the bandage from my op on Wednesday.

For the first time, I didn’t close my eyes and I looked at my foot - properly. The scabs, wounds, stitches & wrinkly toes, because they were so swollen.

The doctor & physio advise I wear the boot for the next couple of weeks when I’m alone - which is all day! And then I can remove it in the evening. 

Also, for the first time in almost two months, my left foot touched the ground without the boot. I’m literally learning how to walk again with the physio using crutches. 

As bizarre as it sounds, I sometimes think: “How did I used to walk before? How did I balance on these two legs?”

I need to put pressure on my heel, which feels so strange. Physio also advised I use anti-slip socks at home. 

My left & right leg don’t look like they belong to the same body. 😳

Last night I was horrified to see how “leathery” and flaky my skin had become under my bandage. I know it’s all going to heal itself...and I have Bio-Oil to help! 

Pic 1 - first time standing with my foot touching, although not completely flat, on the ground. 🦵 

Pic 2 - still my view 🙏🏼

Pic 3 - new exercise from physio: 

Sitting on a chair and using my foot (with a slipper sock) I need to “slide” a piece of kitchen paper on the floor - away from and back to me.

This will assist strengthen my muscles & improve mobility.

FB friends, thank you for your love!

I wish you all a safe & happy weekend. 💖

Op was a success!

Dear Family & Friends,

The messages I received after my post last night (on and off Facebook) gave me such comfort. Thank you! ❤️‍🩹

I woke up around 05:00 this morning to lovely rain (showers of blessings as my Mum would say). I lit my divoh 🪔 and reminded my guardian angel to please be with me today. ✨

Once we arrived, admin went off smoothly. I was just given the hospital gown when a nurse already arrived to take me down. I thought it was better - no time to think while waiting in the room.

The last thing I remember was the Dr saying to me: “Sleep well, I’ll see you later!”

Updates from Dr:

My op went off smoothly. I can start moving around without the moon boot, but still need the crutches. I had it on when I was discharged as you can see in the pic. My foot will be swollen - for up to a few months! I’ll need to keep it elevated and make use of ice packs. I have many weeks of physio ahead of me.

And then…I won’t be making burfi with my Mum for Diwali this year. 💔 Dr said that it’s too soon to travel. 

Mum & I agreed that when I AM able to travel, we will recreate Diwali and make delicious treats together. 🥰

My Fears:

My leg is still weak and I’m scared of falling (without the boot support). The “pin/screw” and plate need to stay in and I worry that something could come loose. Dr understood my fears and reassured me. 

To some, it may seems silly, but I’ve never broken a bone in my life This was severe as my ankle was broken in three places. 😣

I send you all the warmest (long-distance) hugs.

🤗❤️🙏🏼

Anecdotes

Ahead of my surgery tomorrow, I wanted to share three anecdotes. 

They all took place while I was in the hospital and still make me smile when I think of them! 🥰

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

MY DAD WITH ME 😇

Day 2 when Hubby arrived at the hospital for visiting hours, he was unpacking things I’d asked him to bring for me from the hotel we were staying at. “I have a surprise for you,” he said as he pulled a jacket out of the bag. It belonged to my Dad, but my Mum recently gifted it to Hubby.  

He placed it on a hanger in the cupboard near my bed and said “…so you can feel your Dad with you.” 

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

NOT SO SMARTY AT MIDNIGHT

After my second op, I was told that I couldn’t go to the loo by myself. When Monica, the night nurse helped me from the bed to the wheelchair, there was a dim light on in the room. I noticed a pill lying on a tissue - next to the pill container. I told Monica that I think I missed taking that pill earlier. 

I couldn’t sleep a wink after my op and thought that the forgotten pill was a sleeping pill I didn’t take. Monica said she’d have to check with the other nurse, but when she picked it up, she proclaimed “It’s a sweet!” 

Only to realize that it was a lonesome Smartie from the box that Hubby brought earlier in the day. 🤣

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

OUR SWEET NEIGHBOURS

On the Saturday after my second op, a nurse brought me an envelope. I was so confused because it has a postal stamp - who knew where I was?!

It was a birthday & well wishes card from our sweet neighbours back home. They’re our parents’ age and we rely on them to water our plants when we’re away. 

When they learned about my freak accident, they sent this card - they Googled the hospital address and posted it to me!

〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️〰️

Checkup with the doctor

I had my checkup with the doctor at the hospital today. What a relief that I didn’t need an X-ray because the last time was traumatic.🥺

My surgery is confirmed for next week Wednesday. 🏥

The doctor explained that the screws and plate will need to remain around my ankle. They need to, however, operate to remove one screw - to prevent the risk of it breaking.

There are days - like today - that it still feels surreal that this happened.

This text from my brother while I was at the hospital really helped: “Na don’t be scared. You have been through the hardest part already.”

When I think of lying in that hospital bed compared to the way I am today, I have, indeed, come a long way. 💪🏼

The attached pic is my current view. Leg elevated, boot open and ice packs on my leg to help soothe the itch. The itchiness is not on the wound itself, but my skin is very dry. I can’t wait for the nurse to wipe it down tomorrow and put a fresh bandage on. 🙏🏼

A message to you all:

Every single comment, private message & text has meant so much to me. The love, encouragement & check-ins are truly appreciated. Thank you so much! ❤️

It's the weekend!

For obvious reasons, I look forward to the weekend because I get to be out! 😎

Today’s outing: lunch with my in-laws. 

Getting in and out of the car takes time, but I managed to go into a store today. 🙌🏼 People still look - it doesn’t bother me and I just smile at them. Kids are always the most fascinated when they see my boot!

It was a short outing, but it tired me. I’ve been lying down with my leg elevated & my boot is open for some fresh air. I have slight pain on the side, which is my cue that it needs to be closed up again. 🙏🏼

I can’t believe I’ve had this on for one month already - day & night. 

I hope you’re all having a lovely weekend! ❤️

Forever Mummy’s girl!

Today wasn’t such a happy-clappy day. 😕

It started off by me losing my balance as I went to the intercom to buzz the nurse in. It was as if it was happening in slow motion. My crutch fell to the ground, but luckily I was able to quickly lean against the wall to steady myself. The bottom of my moon boot is kind of curved so when I take a step, it’s heel first then “roll” towards the toe. Each step with my crutches is taken very carefully, so it was pretty scary. 

My ankle has been paining slightly - ice packs help. I just breathe through it and only take meds when needed. 

Then the hospital called me. I am meeting the doctor for a check up next week and I’ll go in for my third operation in two weeks time. 🙏🏼

As the afternoon went on, I had this overwhelming feeling of missing my Mum and her hug. 🥺 Nothing compares to the warmth of a Mum’s arms around you! 🤗

How I wish to be sitting with her sipping on masala chai together. I was hoping to see her soon & was looking forward to making burfi together for Diwali - our first since my Dad passed. I’ve made peace that that trip may not happen, but today I felt the ache of just wanting to be with my Mum. 

Forever Mummy’s girl! 💞

Dad's visit in my dream

Last night my Dad visited me in my dream. We were all dressed up so smartly - taking a bunch of photos together. 

…only to learn later (in my dream) that my Dad was going away somewhere and we wouldn’t see him again. Hence the photo shoot.

When I woke up and realized what date it was, it all made sense. It’s the 27th - a year and half since my Dad left us.

Physically gone, but with us always ❤️😇🕉🪔

One month since my accident

Today marks one month since my accident.

So much went through my mind today, but most importantly - of how far I’ve come in these past few weeks.

A few updates:

Since my checkup last week, my physio sessions have been a bit more intense. A few days ago, just bending my toes hurt and was a scary sensation. 

While I’ve shared a lot in my posts, I haven’t disclosed the severity of my slip. My ankle was injured in three different places. I know where my surgery wounds are from where I felt the stitches removed. 

I’m not ready to look at my left leg or ankle without the bandage. I can feel the large scab from where the metal piece was around my leg from the first operation.

I have moments where my left leg is SO itchy. The only thing that relieves me is a firm rub over the bandage. I can’t, of course, scratch. I try my best to keep my skin moisturized and my water intake helps me keep hydrated.

This experience has truly made me slow down and importantly - surrender. 🙏🏼

Visit to the hospital

I had my stitches removed yesterday and x-rays taken of my ankle.

At the time, I felt traumatized. 😩 My boot needed to be removed outside the room and I had to walk (hop) with crutches to the x-rays without my left foot touching the ground.

They asked me to climb onto a block, but without my crutches I couldn’t lift my right leg high enough. And I couldn’t put pressure onto the left foot. They eventually raised the “bed” and I managed to stand on the block. 

I had this fear of falling over (begged them to not let me fall) and anxiety of my weak legs giving in. I was sweating and my mask-covered face and nape off my neck were drenched in tears. 😭 My hubby was outside - oblivious of what was happening and of course, shocked to see me in that state.

I have really been through it. Most days, I’m upbeat and chilled. Other days, I’m quiet and frustrated with my lack of ability to carry out simple tasks. Through it all, I’m grateful for the kindness and love I receive from far and wide. 

I am moving a lot better with my crutches and I’m almost used to the crazy weight of this boot - except when I’m tired.

My physio told me today that I’ll have a spectacular story to tell. I know that very well and I’m glad that I have written about and shared my journey here. Not for sympathy, but to document my ups AND downs. No two days are the same - which is okay!

The emotions that one goes through during something like this is nothing short of a rollercoaster. There have been nights I flop into bed and it takes me a good few minutes to catch my breath. And then I strategically plan how to manoeuvre my body to find a comfortable position.

Doctor advised that my x-rays show that I’m healing well. 🙏🏼 I’m so grateful for this and have a newfound respect for my body and its incredible capability. 

He wants to see me again next month just before my next operation.🏥

Keeping it real

Exactly two weeks ago at this time, I was being wheeled into surgery #1. This pic was sent to my mum (smiling under my mask) to ensure her I was okay. But I can’t explain the fear that erupted in my body. 

Videos of people falling or girls tripping in high heels always gives me shivers. I’ve always had a fear of falling and breaking something. Sometimes when I close my eyes I have these flashbacks - seeing myself from behind, walking and slipping - the epitome of a freak accident.

For the most part, I’m in a fairly good mental state and keeping positive, but I also want to be real.

I need to keep this boot on day & night and I battle falling asleep at night. We open it up twice a day for fresh air and to wiggle my toes. Can you imagine how frightening it was when I was asked to do this and I could barely move them? My swelling has gone down which makes it slightly easier, but I can’t bend them completely just yet.

Going to the bathroom is exhausting and I am so relieved when I reach the sofa in the morning or the bed at the end of the day. For the few times we need to be out, it’s scary going from the door to the car and back again with crutches as my legs are still weak.

Little things trigger me - certain sounds, too much activity, or even comments that I know people don’t mean. This morning the nurse who came to administer my Thrombosis injection told me I looked tired. I hadn’t finished getting myself done for the day. Of course she didn’t mean anything by it, but I didn’t need to hear the obvious. I’ve teared in front of strangers (like at the hairdresser when it was so hard for me to get up one step to reach the washing station). 

I honestly have no choice but to slow down now and rest. I keep reminding myself that it could have been worse. I am well aware that I have much to be grateful for. 🙏🏼❤️

Doctor's visit

During my sleep last night I reached out for the railing that I had on the side of my hospital bed.

“Why did they take it down? What if I fall off the bed?”

And then I remembered that I was actually back home!

We went to the doctor today. The walk from the car to the entrance really tired me. He checked the wound and re-bandaged my foot. I caught a glimpse of my toes: they were so swollen 🥺 but he assured me that it’s normal.

His prescriptions:

Physio - 3x a week
Bandage change - 2x a week
Thrombosis Injections - daily 

My stitches will be removed at a hospital in two weeks and I’ll have a consultation before the next surgery.

“You have no choice now, but to rest,” doctor told me - knowing all too well that I didn’t rest sufficiently when I had Covid last month.

I’ll need to be laying on my back while I have this boot on. My neck already feels sore today so I’ll look into getting a special pillow for the sofa. I’ve already ordered a “leg raiser.”

Any tips for laying comfortably on the sofa?

Please share. 🙏🏼

Physio & Hairdresser

I had my first physio appointment today. She was kind and compassionate - both important qualities for me. She massaged my foot and assured me that the swelling is normal especially after our long drive home yesterday.

I need to keep it elevated and rest.

And then..! My long-awaited scrub, wash & blow dry at the hair salon. I needed to get up ONE step to get to the washing stations. It was so scary - I don’t know my legs to feel this weak. Getting down was just as daunting, but with help from my hubby and the lady, I did it.

I’m still determined and keeping positive, but I’m also really tired. Even parked right outside the salon, the short trip inside made me feel knackered. All that while trying to ignore onlookers. 

When I’m tired, I’m tearful. 😢

I know this will pass. But I still need to be conscious of my mind wandering. It was a freak accident and there are moments I can’t believe this happened to me. It could have been worse, I know. So I am grateful for what is. 🙏🏼

Rest & patience

This is my view from my side of the bed for the next six weeks. The clip on part comes off the sole of the boot when it’s time for bed at night.

My tiredness after the 9.5hr drive came out as tears when I lay in bed to sleep. The boot feels heavier when I’m tired and all I wanted was to lay on my side and sleep. I managed to turn, but it’s little things that will take getting used to.

Even our loo - I have no railings like I did in the hospital to assist me. Washing up yesterday, I used my left knee to rest against the cabinet under the sink to help balance as I stood and washed my face.

I’ve been looking up exercises I can do to strengthen my body (not only legs, but upper too) and have been watching YouTube videos about tips for crutches. I always used to wonder how people move around with them.

I need to also realize that what used to take me a few seconds to walk to the kitchen will take a bit longer now - as I build energy to move better. 

Also, it was one thing having my hubby help me wash up in the hospital, but now that we’re at home - territory that I know well and I am myself in, it was a bit hard last night having to rely on him to bring me odds and ends I needed as I was in the bathroom. 

I can hear my Mum’s voice telling me not to be stubborn.

Being independent, it’s hard for me to accept help but my Mum has urged me that this is the time to let my guard down and accept when people want to help - whether it be my hubby or our neighbours who have offered assistance.

Reminder to self: Rest & patience. 🙏🏼

Thankful for travel mercies

Thankful for travel mercies. 🙏🏼

We’ve arrived home safely - after a 9.5-hour drive: with frequent stops to stand and stretch.

There were moments when, standing next to the car, lifting the boot was just too heavy for me. But I tried my best, knowing the importance for circulation. I also l sat on the passenger seat - legs out the car and did some lifting and stretching.

I’m really tired now and looking forward to sleeping in our own bed tonight! 😀

I know that my body is going to adjust to home setting now and I’ll soon find my groove.

Did I have a premonition two weeks ago?

I was trying to get things in order around here before leaving on the trip. I’ve always ensured that home is spotless before going somewhere - even my weekend trips from Cape Town to East London. 

But this time I said something like: “Anything can happen while we’re away and I need things in order when we get back.” What a pleasure walking into a neat place after all this drama. 

Thank you for your amazing messages. As I said - I wish I could hug each of you! 💞

I've been discharged!

Yesterday, for the first time since I was hospitalized, I felt like I’d had enough. Enough of my hospital gown. Enough of brushing my teeth while seated.  Enough of hospital food. Enough of being woken at night by patients screaming in pain.

Well, talk about divine timing…

I didn’t disclose this yesterday because we weren’t 100% sure, but… I’ve been discharged!

After a session with the physio this morning, I was given the green light. Trying to move with the crutches with this weight on my left leg and then my right leg also feeling weak is challenging. I need to spend time moving and getting my muscle energy back.

Some of you don’t know that this mishap happened away from home. We have quite a drive ahead of us - especially as we’ll be making frequent stops.

🙏🏼❤️🤗✨🥰

My Warriors aka Parents

It’s strange for me to say that my Dad “lost” his battle with cancer. My Dad was anything, but a loser. He was a fighter! When this photo was taken, my Mum & I had no clue about my Dad’s cancer diagnosis.

Two days before this photo was taken, we didn’t know if my Mum would make it to Cape Town for my wedding because she was hospitalized.

I’ve been told that when I feel like I can’t go on, I need to remember that I am a product of these two amazing people - both incredible fighters. Warriors!

Some of you may remember when my Mum was in ICU in 2013. We didn’t know if she’d come home from the hospital. 🥺 Look at her now!

Last night, Mum reminded me of my own setback I had halfway through my first year at university. Some of you may know my story, but it was a scary period. People tried to persuade me to de-register from Rhodes and start afresh the following year. I downright refused to give up the work I’d done. Even though I still had my challenges - I picked up two extra subjects in my final year to make up the credits I lost. And I was able to graduate with my peers. 

This past week I’ve received so many messages from people sharing their stories of how they’ve come through injuries and challenges.

I go to sleep thinking of all these beautiful messages of hope and encouragement. I truly wish I could hug each and every one of you!

I never thought I’d be in this position, but there is good coming out of it. ❤️✨

It can only get better from here

When my hubby was here during visiting hours, the physio asked me if I wanted to try again with the crutches. “Yes!” And I went further down the passage than this morning. 🙌🏼 Later in the evening we put on my right sneaker and it felt slightly better. 

My right side still feels weak. He showed me some exercises I can do to strengthen - like while lying down, using the right leg to “write” my name in the air.

Remember that even going from the bed to the bathroom was in a wheelchair so my muscles need exercise. 

Any tips/exercises that have worked for you? Please share. 🙏🏼

I’m alone again tonight. 

My hospital roommate was discharged. 😮 

This morning there were some “lost in translation situations” with the nurses. The lady was Spanish-speaking, but able to understand English so I helped where I could with her interactions with the nurses. 

She was grateful. ✨

There are times that I seem to zone out and I find that this happens when I’m over-stimulated: too much information coming to me at once, a lot of noise or too many people around me.

Having said that - with every hour that passed this afternoon, I felt my confidence grow and my spirits lifted a bit more. It can only get better from here. 🙌🏼

Crutches for the first time

The physio was just here to help me move using crutches. 

Because I’ve been laying down for a week, my muscles have weakened - in my right leg too. So it was really new and scary for me trying to balance. The physio assured me that it’s normal and nothing to be afraid of.

I made my way out of the room to move down the passage, but I burst into tears. The nurses were giving me supportive smiles and another physio who was passing by told me to focus on her and not look down.

Is this really me? The one who jumps out of bed every morning, is independent and is constantly active throughout the day. I know this is just a phase and I am going to come out of this stronger.

Even while lying in the bed I need to keep moving both legs and bend my knees to strengthen my muscles.

I need to keep this boot on day & night and will have another surgery after six weeks. I will not stop praying and believing I will be fully healed and back to my old self again. 🙏🏼✨

Deep breaths

I didn’t have a sound sleep. 

At 22:30 last night, two nurses told me that there was a lady coming out of surgery and asked if I’d mind if they put her in my room.

As much as I enjoyed having the room to myself, there was no way I could have said no. They didn’t even have to ask me, but they said that rooms would fill up this week with many scheduled operations.

But this lady was loud & restless. She was talking on her phone. Switched the light on, off, on, off. Turned the tv on. Called the nurse. I tried to be tolerant because she was just out of surgery and getting to know her new surroundings.

I remembered myself in the same position last week - terrified, so I let it go. 

The combination of not eating much, the strong medication, anesthetic, laying down & the stress has strained my tummy a lot. My goal today is to drink more water than I have been. I am usually very good with my water intake, but it’s been a challenge this week - knowing the effort it takes to get to the loo. I know its importance, though - so today will be better.

I think the physio will come by today. And then we should have more information about being discharged (this week, I guess). I’m slightly nervous because I still need assistance getting out of bed. Oh, and I can move my toes more than I did a couple of days ago! 🙌🏼

Deep breaths and one day at a time. 🦋

Craving Indian food!

 

I’ve been in this position for a week now. I lie down or sit up - using a button to adjust the bed when I need to eat something or drink water. 

I could write a post about every nurse who has helped me this week - Flavia, Anastasia, Julia, Maria, Wana, Çem, Monica and more. And I may still do that. I think I would have been in a different mental state had it not been for the warmth of the people around me. I told a nurse now that she’s so kind and she told me that that I am too and that her colleagues love me. 🥰

My thrombosis injections are now administered in my stomach instead of the leg. The nurses are lenient with my husband staying a little after visiting hours, especially now that I’m alone in the room. My energy was low this this afternoon so we went for a stroll in the wheelchair in the passage - just to be out of the room. It hurts when I sit on the wheelchair and the nurse explained it’s because the leg is elevated most of the time, when I’m in a sitting position the blood flows down to the foot - causing a bit of discomfort. 

I have so many little stories I still want to share on here. Sharing my experience - all of it, is helping me a lot. I never thought I’d talk about me sitting naked on a toilet. Well - there are a lot do things I have experienced this week which has been different, but a learning experience.

I have been day dreaming of my mum’s dhal, rice, dhokra, veg biryani, sojji and more. My hubby managed to find an Indian place near the hospital and went and got me samosas. They were nothing like the samosas of my kakis in East London!! But the the flavour was satisfying 😋

I was happy to join virtual mandir (temple) this evening. I didn’t mind sharing a room with the older lady, but I’m glad that I have my own bathroom now and that I can listen to my bhajans (devotional music) as I fall asleep. 

I am still reading all my birthday wishes - thank you so much. I really feel the love. 💝

LOOK at me in a wheelchair!

I slept through the night and when I realized it’s Sunday morning, I had a sudden longing of being at my parents’ home having coffee & koeksisters in my PJs. 

I’ve just been to the bathroom for my morning rituals. If, last week, you told me I’d be sitting naked on a loo weeing while being watched, I would have told you you’re crazy. But as my mum told me last night: “When you’re in pain you really don’t care who sees what.”

My left hand is bandaged because of the drip so I make the best with my right hand. Brushed my teeth, cleansed, toned and moisturized, even did a little wash down of my body. The nurse gave me a fresh gown and I feel more energized than I did yesterday.

As I sat over the sink looking at my reflection, I went from: “Look at me in a wheelchair ☹️” to “LOOK at me in a wheelchair - still keeping up with my hygiene and skincare routine during this time 😀”.

While writing this, two nurses came in and cut the bandage open. My eyes were closed taking deep breaths. 

“Real good!” she said. 

My heart was racing as I lay there, repeating: 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 🙏🏼🦋💙

Today was tough

Today was tough. I was in pain and very uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure how to position my leg when lying down. 

The side effects of medication & anesthesia on one’s tummy is like a curse. I wake up thinking I’m going to eat well but I can barely finish a small yoghurt. My throat hurts from the pipe they inserted during surgery. Tummy muscles feel strained from pulling my body weight up using the railing above my bed.

I had two little outings today - wheeled down to X-rays in my bed & then on the wheelchair in the passage for a change of scenery from the room.

I tire quickly. Moving my body from the bed to the wheelchair, I need a moment before thinking of the next move I have to make. Moving from the wheelchair to the toilet is challenging with the heavy boot. Trying to be good with my water intake, but conscious that I’d need the loo.

There are two patients on the floor who cry out in pain - it’s so hard hearing this. 🥺 I can’t express the deep admiration I have for nurses.

I pray tomorrow is better. 🙏🏼🦋

My birthday op

As they wheeled me from the room around noon yesterday, I had no doubt that my Dad was with me. I imagined him hovering over my left shoulder with his hand on my forehead.

I was chanting the Gaytri Mantra with my eyes closed the entire time, unless I was asked something or when I had to shift from the bed to the one in the operating room.

Many people did their best to make me smile, knowing it was my birthday. The kind eyes, or a gentle stroke on my cheek - all from strangers - helped me feel less afraid.

Post-surgery: when I came around and they told me I could see my hubby in an hour, I asked if they could put me back to sleep until then. I don’t even know what I was saying. 😅 

When I saw the familiar face of the nurse who’d come to collect me, I was tearful. “Maria! I’m so happy to see you!”

Only back at the room, I realized that it was after 6pm. Apparently, there was an emergency op before mine. The birthday flowers and cake in my room warmed my heart, but I had no appetite. All I wanted was water and something to soothe my dry lips.

I now have a heavy boot on my left foot. The nurse helped me with a drip for pain relief. When I needed the bathroom, I quickly learned that getting up from the bed was different to the other times with the mental entrapment. I’m slower and weaker, but that’s okay.

I’ve had to let go of many inhibitions this week. I’ve gone to the loo in front of people, needed help changing my underwear…and more.

This boot is a new sensation. It’s heavy and uncomfortable and I was unable to sleep last night.

I am in awe of the level of trust we put into medical staff when we’re this vulnerable. From administering medication to being in surgery under anesthetic. Not forgetting the trust I have in my own body to heal - with love and patience.

It's my birthday!

Good morning! 🙏🏼

My second surgery falls on my birthday.

What a gift of healing!

My birthday falls on the first day of Shravan (fasting month). What a blessing!

This morning, using my right foot, I managed to push myself on the wheelchair from the bathroom to get my phone out of the charger. I was talking to my brother and just felt so emotional and burst into tears. I was also feeling  overwhelmed by the amount of messages and love I’ve received this morning.

The surgeon walked in and said I need to be lying down with my leg elevated. But then he asked me why I’m emotional? Really?! 😳

So here I am - back on my back. They were unsure if the surgery would go through because there is still swelling, so my leg is raised and I’m waiting for the nurse to bring some ice. 

Pic: Chocolates and cookies that I gifted to the nurses and doctors this morning. 🎂🎈🏥🎁

Mini manicure today

I’ve been sending love and energy to my left ankle today.

The nurses have been so kind to me and I try my best to greet them by name. The cleaning lady, Sara, also asks me in the morning if I’d eaten my breakfast. 

The physio visited me today and helped me bend my knee and move my toes. I need to do this by myself -  it feels like proper exercise.

I’m craving all kinds of food - mostly my mum’s: from sojji porridge to dhokra and now veg biryani. 

Today’s highlight: Mini manicure (without colour of course) cleaned my brows and put on a Vitamin C face mask. I was bubbly & chirpy…until our freshening-up rituals before visiting hours were over. 

What a humbling experience. Needing help putting hospital underwear on and then sitting on the wheelchair to brush my teeth, I burst into tears. I remind myself that this is temporary. ✨

Maria, one of the nurses, assured me that doctors perform this surgery daily - so it’s going to be fine for me.

I’m alone in the room tonight. It’s started thundering, lightning and raining - I asked that they leave my door open. I’ve just taken a calming tablet for the night & listening to devotional music.

I need only positivity running through me ahead of my second surgery tomorrow (around noon, they said).

Pic: My view inside vs outside. 

And… my little portable beauty kit. 💅🏼

My happy place

Good morning 🙏🏼

Apart from realizing it’s time to slow down, it’s also being conscious of the present. 

Knowing that I need to hold on to the right arm rest of the wheelchair when moving off the bed. 

Carefully balancing as I pull up (surprisingly comfortable) hospital underwear with one hand. 

The nurse cleaned and disinfected my ankle. It burnt a bit but she kept reminding me to breathe. The ice pack helps too and they have elevated the bottom of the bed which helps with circulation.

I think today’s goal will be to focus on deep breathing and visualization. I’ve been having flashbacks. It happened after my car accident in 2015 (not a drop of blood or broken bone, but the car was a write off).

It’s like I’m having an outer body experience watching the accident happen in slow motion. Bizarre feeling which induces fear and anxiety. 

When that happens, I go back to a happy place/moment. I’ve chosen Paternoster - 1 January 2019. Smelling the ocean, hearing the squawking seagulls, feeling the sun on my back, the soft sand between my toes. Tasting the best Margarita for dinner. Wow - even writing this description slowed down my breathing.

Doctors have just made their rounds and confirmed that my surgery will be tomorrow. 

I couldn’t ask for a better birthday gift than healing! ❤️‍🩹🎂🎁🎈

Pic is from Mum. 🙏🏼 Prayer is powerful and I appreciate each one.

Finally, some fresh air!

Visiting hours are from 1pm so I try to keep my mind from wandering until then. I rest, but it’s not easy lying in one position on my back. And I have pipes connected to my ankle that drains any liquid - so movement is limited. 

I share a room with an older lady who’s going to rehab tomorrow. We speak different languages, so there isn’t much chatting except for a smile here and there and I give her a thumbs up when she moves without assistance.

I was emotional when my husband walked in this afternoon. I really felt like a drive and eating an ice cream somewhere with a beautiful view.

When the nurses said it was okay for me to go for a little “roll around” I didn’t hesitate…until we reached ground level to the canteen. 

When I saw how people were looking at my ankle with this metal entrapment, I asked hubby to get a sheet from the bed to keep it covered. Even I can’t bare looking at it. 🥺

We went outside for a few minutes - blissful. 

And then we shared a Fanta. 😃

We’ve developed a little bathroom and freshening-up routine before visiting hours are over. I wish I could have my hair washed and blow-dried, but for now, I’m grateful that I can still keep up with my daily skincare routine.

I just got an injection for thrombosis-prevention and they’re giving me a pill to relax for the evening. It’s really frightening when I accidentally catch a glimpse of it. I’ll listen to devotional music and just relax. 

Also, writing and sharing this experience is proving to be therapeutic. 🙏🏼🥰

Surrender

Almost a month ago, I tested covid positive - or as the lab results stated: “very strong positive” (translated).

Despite doctor’s instructions to rest, I continued pushing - going through busy days. I think this also prolonged my healing.

As I told my Mum: There’s literally nothing I can do now, but slow down. Surrender. 🙌🏼

This photo is from the night before my mishap. Looking at it, I started to feel sad thinking of the “could haves and should haves”.

The mix of emotions is natural, but I’m going to think that I’m actually on holiday here. 😃 As the doctor told me now: “You can chill a bit.”

Of course I’d much rather be spending my birthday week elsewhere, but…it is what it is.

Resisting will slow down my healing, so onwards and upwards we go. ✨

What I’m looking forward to today?

For a change of scenery, a possible “roll around” the hospital in a wheelchair when my husband is here during visiting hours. 😄

Have a break, have a KitKat

Today’s been a rough day with little energy. Grateful for pain meds that help with discomfort. 

I tried to eat a bit, but was craving chocolate.

I settled for a KitKat without realizing the irony. 😏

“Have a break, have a KitKat” ❤️‍🩹

I already have a win!

Good morning! 🙏🏼

Big milestone for me for this morning:

I managed to get myself off the bed, onto the wheelchair and to the bathroom without assistance from the nurse. 

The doctor just came to check up and he assured me that I’m young and will be okay. It’s really the small things that count: He took my hand and said, “You don’t need to be afraid.”

Thank you for all the kind and lovely messages coming my way. I appreciate them all! ❤️

Pic is my view when waking up after a few hours of sleep.

Keeping my gratitude list growing

Lying in this hospital bed is humbling. Wearing the hospital gown and underwear unable to move the way I do every day - without a second thought.

My left ankle was covered with a sheet this morning so I didn’t see what it looked like after last night’s operation. Instead, if the nurse needed to do something, I looked to my right - out the window. But the sheet is off now and I can’t avoid seeing this metal entrapment over my leg. I remind myself: it could have been worse. 

While I’m trying my best to look on the bright side, I won’t lie - it’s scary. 🥺 

Even being wheeled around the hospital to x-rays and CT scans, I keep my eyes tightly shut, hands on my chest

I’ll just keep looking at the pretty clouds in the sky and keep that gratitude list growing. ✨

I broke my ankle!

Life threw me an unexpected curveball.  

Yesterday I slipped going downhill. I was rushed to hospital by ambulance and was told I broke my ankle. I’ve never broken a bone in my life. 

I was in pain, shock and terrified. I’m grateful to paramedics who knew this and were so kind to me.

I was operated on last night. And I need to stay at hospital for a week before having a second op. 😱

Just like that, one can be made so vulnerable when you find yourself needing assistance for basics - like the bathroom.

I couldn’t sleep last night. 

Feeling my Dad’s presence with me reminded me of what he often did. I counted my blessings as I tried navigating through through physical pain I’ve never felt before. ❤️‍🩹

Pic is my view from a zipped up stretcher in the ambulance. 🥴

Photo memories

This popped up in my phone memories today. 

15 July 2019.

Behind these smiles: Uncertainty, hope, sadness, and confusion. 

Just two days before this photo was taken, my Mum & I learned of Dad’s diagnosis.

This photo was taken a couple of minutes before my Dad & brother left for Cape Town to see a specialist. I still believe that the only reason we were able to smile was because of his positive attitude.

The pain of losing a parent is hard to describe. 

💔 

Thinking of my beloved Dad now - our guardian angel. 

🕉 Aum Shanti Shanti Shanti 🙏🏼🪔

Parents' 41st wedding anniversary

 

Happy 3-year Anniversary!

On this day - 3 years ago - with our parents, we joined our lives, cultures & languages. 💍🪔💕

I’m forever grateful that my Dad got to walk me down the aisle. 🌹

Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak (1988)

From time to time I go down a music rabbit hole. The other day I listened to K-Pop from 2007, way before it was a global craze as it currently is. 

Today I went all the way back to Bollywood in 1988.

Qayamat Se Qayamat Tak was the first love story I ever knew. 💞

Click here for the song

Raj (Aamir Khan) and Rashmi (Juhi Chawla) were star-crossed lovers and as young as I was, I played that VHS repeatedly.

Secret: I used to put my Mum’s black petticoat on my head to pretend I had long flowing hair like Juhi Chawla. 😆

My late Motamama knew how much I adored this film and he gifted me the DVD when I was in Toronto in 2002. I still have it. 🤗

Their expressions, smiles, stolen moments - I loved them all and listening to the music 34 years later (!!) takes me back to a time of innocence.  🥰

Cheers to a Throwback Thursday!

Eid 2022

Warmest wishes to my friends around the world!

☪️🙏🏼🤗

Hanuman Jayanti 2022

Congratulations to our Guruji Gopal Vyas & the East London Hindu Society for another incredible Hanuman Jayanti 2022.

To the singers and musicians - you were all AMAZING! The energy was palpable and if I felt that virtually, I know it must have been intense in the mandir itself.

And what a blessing to have spotted a perfect full moon during aarti. 🪔

Jai Shree Krishna to all. 🙏🏼

My trip home...

As our descent was announced, I started feeling uneasy on the flight and my eyes welled up with hot tears. 

I was going to my parents’ home after two years - and our Awesome Foursome was minus one. I was terrified of facing reality that my Dad was really gone. The first moments of seeing my Mum & brother at the East London airport is still indescribable. 

I held my Mum so tight. And I cried. The 3 of us hadn’t been together to process this massive loss and our silence in that moment spoke volumes.

For this trip, my priority was my Mum. It was vital for me to be with her as she started a brand new chapter - moving to a new place after spending 40 years in the home she shared with my Dad.

Seeing my Dad’s lazy boy in the lounge, his side of the bed and entering his office were the most difficult places for me. ❤️‍🩹

In these photos, are just a few of the amazing people I met while I was at home. Some were short or chance meetings, but they gave me the incredible healing boost of energy that I so craved.

I wish I captured more! 🤗

I was lucky to meet many from our community at our mandir (temple) but there are so many more I would have loved to see and spend time with.

Over the past few days, I’ve scrolled through these photos and they still makes my heart smile!

I’m thankful for you all.

Lots of love! ❤️🤗🙏🏼

Dreaming of our mandir

Last night I had a dream of our East London mandir (temple). 🛕 I miss being there. The angelic singing, the music…the divine energy. It was simply invigorating.

For the past few weeks, no matter what the day or week had in store, Hanuman Chalisa & Bhajan/Kirtan were my highlights. ✨

Every time we left, I’d tell my Mum: 

My heart feels so full. ❤️

I also loved seeing everyone and would look forward to the warmth & hugs. That’s what community is. 🤗🙏🏼 

And it’s exactly what I needed after the past two years. ❤️‍🩹

I wish I took more photos with everyone - especially with all our amazing singers, but I send lots of love to you all…especially our legendary Mas & Dadas. 😘

🌈🤗❤️🌟🦋

Happy Birthday, Bhai!

Today, my Bhai (brother) celebrates his birthday!

He has carried more on his shoulders in the past three years than I can even begin to imagine.

Continuing our Dad’s legacy is not any easy task, and yet he continues to amaze us and make us proud.

He is wise, kind & generous and I appreciate him for all he continues to do.

I love you, Bhai! 🤗❤️

First pic is shortly after he was born. 

(Big sister didn’t seem impressed about the new kid on the block 😄)

Ramadan 2022

Wishing my dear friends across the world a blessed month ahead. 🙏🏼🦋

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Daddy!

Dear Daddy,

It’s hard to believe this is already your second heavenly birthday. 

Always in our thoughts, forever in our hearts.

Instead of birthday cake, we made your favourite burfi. We love you!

Aum Shanti 🕉🙏🏼🪔😇❤️