Forever Mummy’s girl!

Today wasn’t such a happy-clappy day. 😕

It started off by me losing my balance as I went to the intercom to buzz the nurse in. It was as if it was happening in slow motion. My crutch fell to the ground, but luckily I was able to quickly lean against the wall to steady myself. The bottom of my moon boot is kind of curved so when I take a step, it’s heel first then “roll” towards the toe. Each step with my crutches is taken very carefully, so it was pretty scary. 

My ankle has been paining slightly - ice packs help. I just breathe through it and only take meds when needed. 

Then the hospital called me. I am meeting the doctor for a check up next week and I’ll go in for my third operation in two weeks time. 🙏🏼

As the afternoon went on, I had this overwhelming feeling of missing my Mum and her hug. 🥺 Nothing compares to the warmth of a Mum’s arms around you! 🤗

How I wish to be sitting with her sipping on masala chai together. I was hoping to see her soon & was looking forward to making burfi together for Diwali - our first since my Dad passed. I’ve made peace that that trip may not happen, but today I felt the ache of just wanting to be with my Mum. 

Forever Mummy’s girl! 💞

Dad's visit in my dream

Last night my Dad visited me in my dream. We were all dressed up so smartly - taking a bunch of photos together. 

…only to learn later (in my dream) that my Dad was going away somewhere and we wouldn’t see him again. Hence the photo shoot.

When I woke up and realized what date it was, it all made sense. It’s the 27th - a year and half since my Dad left us.

Physically gone, but with us always ❤️😇🕉🪔

One month since my accident

Today marks one month since my accident.

So much went through my mind today, but most importantly - of how far I’ve come in these past few weeks.

A few updates:

Since my checkup last week, my physio sessions have been a bit more intense. A few days ago, just bending my toes hurt and was a scary sensation. 

While I’ve shared a lot in my posts, I haven’t disclosed the severity of my slip. My ankle was injured in three different places. I know where my surgery wounds are from where I felt the stitches removed. 

I’m not ready to look at my left leg or ankle without the bandage. I can feel the large scab from where the metal piece was around my leg from the first operation.

I have moments where my left leg is SO itchy. The only thing that relieves me is a firm rub over the bandage. I can’t, of course, scratch. I try my best to keep my skin moisturized and my water intake helps me keep hydrated.

This experience has truly made me slow down and importantly - surrender. 🙏🏼

Visit to the hospital

I had my stitches removed yesterday and x-rays taken of my ankle.

At the time, I felt traumatized. 😩 My boot needed to be removed outside the room and I had to walk (hop) with crutches to the x-rays without my left foot touching the ground.

They asked me to climb onto a block, but without my crutches I couldn’t lift my right leg high enough. And I couldn’t put pressure onto the left foot. They eventually raised the “bed” and I managed to stand on the block. 

I had this fear of falling over (begged them to not let me fall) and anxiety of my weak legs giving in. I was sweating and my mask-covered face and nape off my neck were drenched in tears. 😭 My hubby was outside - oblivious of what was happening and of course, shocked to see me in that state.

I have really been through it. Most days, I’m upbeat and chilled. Other days, I’m quiet and frustrated with my lack of ability to carry out simple tasks. Through it all, I’m grateful for the kindness and love I receive from far and wide. 

I am moving a lot better with my crutches and I’m almost used to the crazy weight of this boot - except when I’m tired.

My physio told me today that I’ll have a spectacular story to tell. I know that very well and I’m glad that I have written about and shared my journey here. Not for sympathy, but to document my ups AND downs. No two days are the same - which is okay!

The emotions that one goes through during something like this is nothing short of a rollercoaster. There have been nights I flop into bed and it takes me a good few minutes to catch my breath. And then I strategically plan how to manoeuvre my body to find a comfortable position.

Doctor advised that my x-rays show that I’m healing well. 🙏🏼 I’m so grateful for this and have a newfound respect for my body and its incredible capability. 

He wants to see me again next month just before my next operation.🏥

Keeping it real

Exactly two weeks ago at this time, I was being wheeled into surgery #1. This pic was sent to my mum (smiling under my mask) to ensure her I was okay. But I can’t explain the fear that erupted in my body. 

Videos of people falling or girls tripping in high heels always gives me shivers. I’ve always had a fear of falling and breaking something. Sometimes when I close my eyes I have these flashbacks - seeing myself from behind, walking and slipping - the epitome of a freak accident.

For the most part, I’m in a fairly good mental state and keeping positive, but I also want to be real.

I need to keep this boot on day & night and I battle falling asleep at night. We open it up twice a day for fresh air and to wiggle my toes. Can you imagine how frightening it was when I was asked to do this and I could barely move them? My swelling has gone down which makes it slightly easier, but I can’t bend them completely just yet.

Going to the bathroom is exhausting and I am so relieved when I reach the sofa in the morning or the bed at the end of the day. For the few times we need to be out, it’s scary going from the door to the car and back again with crutches as my legs are still weak.

Little things trigger me - certain sounds, too much activity, or even comments that I know people don’t mean. This morning the nurse who came to administer my Thrombosis injection told me I looked tired. I hadn’t finished getting myself done for the day. Of course she didn’t mean anything by it, but I didn’t need to hear the obvious. I’ve teared in front of strangers (like at the hairdresser when it was so hard for me to get up one step to reach the washing station). 

I honestly have no choice but to slow down now and rest. I keep reminding myself that it could have been worse. I am well aware that I have much to be grateful for. 🙏🏼❤️

Doctor's visit

During my sleep last night I reached out for the railing that I had on the side of my hospital bed.

“Why did they take it down? What if I fall off the bed?”

And then I remembered that I was actually back home!

We went to the doctor today. The walk from the car to the entrance really tired me. He checked the wound and re-bandaged my foot. I caught a glimpse of my toes: they were so swollen 🥺 but he assured me that it’s normal.

His prescriptions:

Physio - 3x a week
Bandage change - 2x a week
Thrombosis Injections - daily 

My stitches will be removed at a hospital in two weeks and I’ll have a consultation before the next surgery.

“You have no choice now, but to rest,” doctor told me - knowing all too well that I didn’t rest sufficiently when I had Covid last month.

I’ll need to be laying on my back while I have this boot on. My neck already feels sore today so I’ll look into getting a special pillow for the sofa. I’ve already ordered a “leg raiser.”

Any tips for laying comfortably on the sofa?

Please share. 🙏🏼

Physio & Hairdresser

I had my first physio appointment today. She was kind and compassionate - both important qualities for me. She massaged my foot and assured me that the swelling is normal especially after our long drive home yesterday.

I need to keep it elevated and rest.

And then..! My long-awaited scrub, wash & blow dry at the hair salon. I needed to get up ONE step to get to the washing stations. It was so scary - I don’t know my legs to feel this weak. Getting down was just as daunting, but with help from my hubby and the lady, I did it.

I’m still determined and keeping positive, but I’m also really tired. Even parked right outside the salon, the short trip inside made me feel knackered. All that while trying to ignore onlookers. 

When I’m tired, I’m tearful. 😢

I know this will pass. But I still need to be conscious of my mind wandering. It was a freak accident and there are moments I can’t believe this happened to me. It could have been worse, I know. So I am grateful for what is. 🙏🏼

Rest & patience

This is my view from my side of the bed for the next six weeks. The clip on part comes off the sole of the boot when it’s time for bed at night.

My tiredness after the 9.5hr drive came out as tears when I lay in bed to sleep. The boot feels heavier when I’m tired and all I wanted was to lay on my side and sleep. I managed to turn, but it’s little things that will take getting used to.

Even our loo - I have no railings like I did in the hospital to assist me. Washing up yesterday, I used my left knee to rest against the cabinet under the sink to help balance as I stood and washed my face.

I’ve been looking up exercises I can do to strengthen my body (not only legs, but upper too) and have been watching YouTube videos about tips for crutches. I always used to wonder how people move around with them.

I need to also realize that what used to take me a few seconds to walk to the kitchen will take a bit longer now - as I build energy to move better. 

Also, it was one thing having my hubby help me wash up in the hospital, but now that we’re at home - territory that I know well and I am myself in, it was a bit hard last night having to rely on him to bring me odds and ends I needed as I was in the bathroom. 

I can hear my Mum’s voice telling me not to be stubborn.

Being independent, it’s hard for me to accept help but my Mum has urged me that this is the time to let my guard down and accept when people want to help - whether it be my hubby or our neighbours who have offered assistance.

Reminder to self: Rest & patience. 🙏🏼

Thankful for travel mercies

Thankful for travel mercies. 🙏🏼

We’ve arrived home safely - after a 9.5-hour drive: with frequent stops to stand and stretch.

There were moments when, standing next to the car, lifting the boot was just too heavy for me. But I tried my best, knowing the importance for circulation. I also l sat on the passenger seat - legs out the car and did some lifting and stretching.

I’m really tired now and looking forward to sleeping in our own bed tonight! 😀

I know that my body is going to adjust to home setting now and I’ll soon find my groove.

Did I have a premonition two weeks ago?

I was trying to get things in order around here before leaving on the trip. I’ve always ensured that home is spotless before going somewhere - even my weekend trips from Cape Town to East London. 

But this time I said something like: “Anything can happen while we’re away and I need things in order when we get back.” What a pleasure walking into a neat place after all this drama. 

Thank you for your amazing messages. As I said - I wish I could hug each of you! 💞

I've been discharged!

Yesterday, for the first time since I was hospitalized, I felt like I’d had enough. Enough of my hospital gown. Enough of brushing my teeth while seated.  Enough of hospital food. Enough of being woken at night by patients screaming in pain.

Well, talk about divine timing…

I didn’t disclose this yesterday because we weren’t 100% sure, but… I’ve been discharged!

After a session with the physio this morning, I was given the green light. Trying to move with the crutches with this weight on my left leg and then my right leg also feeling weak is challenging. I need to spend time moving and getting my muscle energy back.

Some of you don’t know that this mishap happened away from home. We have quite a drive ahead of us - especially as we’ll be making frequent stops.

🙏🏼❤️🤗✨🥰

My Warriors aka Parents

It’s strange for me to say that my Dad “lost” his battle with cancer. My Dad was anything, but a loser. He was a fighter! When this photo was taken, my Mum & I had no clue about my Dad’s cancer diagnosis.

Two days before this photo was taken, we didn’t know if my Mum would make it to Cape Town for my wedding because she was hospitalized.

I’ve been told that when I feel like I can’t go on, I need to remember that I am a product of these two amazing people - both incredible fighters. Warriors!

Some of you may remember when my Mum was in ICU in 2013. We didn’t know if she’d come home from the hospital. 🥺 Look at her now!

Last night, Mum reminded me of my own setback I had halfway through my first year at university. Some of you may know my story, but it was a scary period. People tried to persuade me to de-register from Rhodes and start afresh the following year. I downright refused to give up the work I’d done. Even though I still had my challenges - I picked up two extra subjects in my final year to make up the credits I lost. And I was able to graduate with my peers. 

This past week I’ve received so many messages from people sharing their stories of how they’ve come through injuries and challenges.

I go to sleep thinking of all these beautiful messages of hope and encouragement. I truly wish I could hug each and every one of you!

I never thought I’d be in this position, but there is good coming out of it. ❤️✨

It can only get better from here

When my hubby was here during visiting hours, the physio asked me if I wanted to try again with the crutches. “Yes!” And I went further down the passage than this morning. 🙌🏼 Later in the evening we put on my right sneaker and it felt slightly better. 

My right side still feels weak. He showed me some exercises I can do to strengthen - like while lying down, using the right leg to “write” my name in the air.

Remember that even going from the bed to the bathroom was in a wheelchair so my muscles need exercise. 

Any tips/exercises that have worked for you? Please share. 🙏🏼

I’m alone again tonight. 

My hospital roommate was discharged. 😮 

This morning there were some “lost in translation situations” with the nurses. The lady was Spanish-speaking, but able to understand English so I helped where I could with her interactions with the nurses. 

She was grateful. ✨

There are times that I seem to zone out and I find that this happens when I’m over-stimulated: too much information coming to me at once, a lot of noise or too many people around me.

Having said that - with every hour that passed this afternoon, I felt my confidence grow and my spirits lifted a bit more. It can only get better from here. 🙌🏼

Crutches for the first time

The physio was just here to help me move using crutches. 

Because I’ve been laying down for a week, my muscles have weakened - in my right leg too. So it was really new and scary for me trying to balance. The physio assured me that it’s normal and nothing to be afraid of.

I made my way out of the room to move down the passage, but I burst into tears. The nurses were giving me supportive smiles and another physio who was passing by told me to focus on her and not look down.

Is this really me? The one who jumps out of bed every morning, is independent and is constantly active throughout the day. I know this is just a phase and I am going to come out of this stronger.

Even while lying in the bed I need to keep moving both legs and bend my knees to strengthen my muscles.

I need to keep this boot on day & night and will have another surgery after six weeks. I will not stop praying and believing I will be fully healed and back to my old self again. 🙏🏼✨

Deep breaths

I didn’t have a sound sleep. 

At 22:30 last night, two nurses told me that there was a lady coming out of surgery and asked if I’d mind if they put her in my room.

As much as I enjoyed having the room to myself, there was no way I could have said no. They didn’t even have to ask me, but they said that rooms would fill up this week with many scheduled operations.

But this lady was loud & restless. She was talking on her phone. Switched the light on, off, on, off. Turned the tv on. Called the nurse. I tried to be tolerant because she was just out of surgery and getting to know her new surroundings.

I remembered myself in the same position last week - terrified, so I let it go. 

The combination of not eating much, the strong medication, anesthetic, laying down & the stress has strained my tummy a lot. My goal today is to drink more water than I have been. I am usually very good with my water intake, but it’s been a challenge this week - knowing the effort it takes to get to the loo. I know its importance, though - so today will be better.

I think the physio will come by today. And then we should have more information about being discharged (this week, I guess). I’m slightly nervous because I still need assistance getting out of bed. Oh, and I can move my toes more than I did a couple of days ago! 🙌🏼

Deep breaths and one day at a time. 🦋