Thankful Thursday Thoughts

Feeling intense gratitude (and a bit emotional) after reading a farewell message from a student.

My Thankful Thursday Thoughts:

Like I say to my students, "Before you're a student, you're a person" , before I'm a teacher, I'm human too!

I sometimes forget this. During the day, I wear many caps & often find myself fluttering about about - without a minute to waste.

My students' success & happiness is my priority. Why? Because I know the sacrifices they made to be here, the nerves of steel they have to endure for exams & so much more.

Sometimes I feel helpless & wish for extra time, extra eyes, extra ears, extra arms...so I can make miracles happen for my students - like getting acceptance at university or a hospital they wish to work at.

But I can't perform miracles ;)

I give my all to what I do & am immensely grateful for the opportunity to work with / for beautiful people.

I wish I can thank each person individually here, who today, touched my heart & lifted my spirits.

Thank you.
Thank you for your trust, respect & love.
This is from my heart to yours.

That's What Friends Are For

I pride myself on the fact that I share very special relationships with my students that go far beyond textbooks and Grammar. 

When Yahya Zwita, from Libya, opened his heart and told me that his friend, Mohamed (aged 20) committed suicide at the beginning of the month, I knew that I had to be there for this young gentleman. Far from home for the first time in a foreign country with family and friends far away, I instinctively took on the role of his big sister.

During one of our conversations, he told me that he wanted to give a presentation / tribute about his friend. I immediately agreed and said I would help him in any way I could.

For his tribute today, Yahya spoke to a group of about 25 students - all his peers. Voluntarily, he put himself in the spotlight...and spoke. I have always maintained that "Words that come from the heart, enter the heart." This was exactly what happened this afternoon.

I teared as he spoke so fondly about his friend. An hour later, as I drove home, I stopped at the beach and looked out at the vast ocean before me. My thoughts traveled to Lydia Labuschagne, who is at this moment, fighting for her life at a hospital in Jerusalem.

It's not the kind of message anyone expects, but when I learned about Lydia's sudden admission to hospital, I have been in constant contact with friends around the world about this. I first met Lydia when her family moved to East London and Lydia joined my class in Std 1. We were 9 years old.

On my way to work this morning, I had a devotional song playing in my car. I surprised myself when, as I neared work, tears trickled down my cheeks. The song took me back to Johannesburg, a month ago when I was at the final prayer for my uncle, who suddenly passed away.

It always intrigues me why people cry after hearing about death. Is it because one is sad that the person will no longer be around? Will the physical body of the late person be missed or what they stood for and the role they play in others' lives. Do we cry over guilt or regret of not saying certain things to the person who has left us? Is it a matter of "If only..." or "I wish..."?

Death always brings us to a standstill. With our extremely busy lives, we spin around from dawn to dusk, not stopping to acknowledge. To appreciate. To say "thank you".

Blessings can be found in the darkest situations - even amidst news of death. With our friend, Lydia lying in hospital now, I have been talking to school friends after many months. The best part about it is that it feels as though no time has passed. This is the beauty of friendship.

This blog is dedicated not only to Yahya and his friend, Mohamed, but to my school friend, Lydia, who is so dearly loved by one and all who knew her. To say she is a ray of sunshine to many is not an understatement. Together, we hold faith that our prayers will be heard and that Lydia will soon return to her family.

Yahya's tribute ended with this song:

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

This is taken from one of my Secret Scrolls emails about gratitude:

Begin your day by feeling grateful. Be grateful for the bed you just slept in, the roof over your head, the carpet or floor under your feet, the running water, the soap, your shower, your toothbrush, your clothes, your shoes, the refrigerator that keeps your food cold, the car that you drive, your job, your friends. Be grateful for the stores that make it so easy to buy the things you need, the restaurants, the utilities, services, and electrical appliances that make your life effortless. Be grateful for the magazines and the books that you read. Be grateful for the chair that you sit on, and the pavement that you walk on. Be grateful for the weather, the sun, the sky, the birds, the trees, the grass, the rain, and the flowers.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Less Stress Over Holidays (Demartini)

Along with Robin Sharma, someone else I truly admire and who I credit a lot of personal and professional change in my life, is Dr John Demartini. Just finished reading something that has been sitting "Unread" in my Inbox for a few weeks. In fact, my reading it now is a bit overdue, but better late than never, I say:

He speaks about how during the holiday season, many of us have elevated expectations to the point of being unrealistic. We expect a lot more from others (and ourselves) much of which can't really be fulfilled. When this happens, enter the ABCDs of negativity:

Anger & Aggression
Blame & Betrayal
Criticism & Change
Despair & Depression
...and then also
Fear
Guilt

Demartini speaks a lot about values and as we know, when we project our own values onto others, or vice versa, this is a recipe for an emotional crash-boom-bang!

The holiday season comes with facing a lot of family dynamics. In all families, we will notice an equilibrium of complementary opposites. So, what is important for me (reading, learning, self-development) may not be important to another. "Wisdom is to learn to appreciate ourselves and others as we are."

If you find that you are being criticized or rejected, the way to counter this is to ask where someone else is actually praising and accepting you. He or she needn't be in the same location as you are. But it is vital to remember that there is ALWAYS balance. It takes time and patience to dig deep to find these balances, but when you do, trust me - they are so rewarding! "We need both sides to center us."

I find this quite comforting, "You won't be confronted with a crisis you can't handle." If you find yourself in the midst of a crisis, the key is to stop and ask yourself, "What is the hidden blessing?" There is ALWAYS a blessing that comes from stressing. It's the law of the universe. It's all about balance, as I've said.

Speaking of transforming yours stressings to blessings, Demartini encourages that you reflect on the months gone by. Think of each individual, each experience and event which served you the most. Write each person a thank you letter. Write from the heart. Express yourself and acknowledge the person/experience/event. Just like magic, what seemed like chaos at the time, may actually be your biggest lesson of the year!

Power of Belief

"Gratitude is the single, fastest way to get out of fear/worry & into joy/authentic power. We see the world not as it is, but who we are."

The power of belief is incredible!
Get up. Dress up. Show up.
...never Give up.

Time...

How many of us worry about what "could" happen tomorrow or the next day? Truth is, we have no idea -or control- over the future. Often, what we end up stressing over what may not even happen!

As I wrap up this day, I just read this, which is so apt:

"Don't take tomorrow to bed with you."

Iyi geceler xx

The story of Thomas & Heiko

This story is exactly two months overdue.

Heiko, Thomas & me...

August 12 2012.
It was a Monday – my first day back at work after my two-week leave. I was on a high! It was great seeing all my students again, meeting new students and catching up with my colleagues. I was pleasantly surprised when one of my students came to give me a beautiful "welcome back" bouquet of flowers.

Later that day, on my way from the elevator to my apartment door, I passed an elderly gentleman walking steadily and slowly with his walking stick. He was an Asian man who I've seen around. I always assumed he was visiting children/grandchildren in the building. I greeted him as I walked past. He didn't greet back, but said, “Those are very nice,” – referring to the bouquet I was carrying. I soon realized why he didn't reciprocate my greeting when I saw his hearing aide.

I stopped next to him and we exchanged random banter about the flowers. In no less than two minutes, a lady joined our company. I’d seen her around the building as well. She was petite, had grey/white hair around her face and wore a cautious, nervous-looking smile. They two were husband and wife.

In a space of three minutes I learned that they moved from Hong Kong to Cape Town ten years ago. The gentleman, Thomas, was an English teacher at a public school and his wife, Heiko, was a housewife. As soon as I learned that this elderly couple were staying on my floor, alone – I immediately knew I had to get to know them better.

“Let’s have tea together some day?” I suggested.
“Our apartment is very messy right now, so we wouldn't want to invite you in,” spluttered Thomas. The words came out slowly and he seemed to run out of breath easily.

My experience about making plans with people which never materialize happens too frequently. It was now or never.

“Are you free right now?” I asked.

And off the three of us went to the Woolies Café downstairs. Something told me that these two people had an interesting story. Especially after learning that he was Chinese and she was Japanese. They made Hong Kong their home, before deciding to move to South Africa.

Their story...

After settling at a table, we placed our order. Heiko ordered tea for herself, hot chocolate for Thomas and I had my regular Mocha.

I was so curious to know what brought this couple to South Africa. Thomas explained while Heiko sat smiling – looking back and forth from Thomas to me. I explained to them that I was an English teacher and had the pleasure of meeting people from all walks of life. I had to remind myself to speak slowly and clearly. Thomas was deaf in one ear.

When our drinks arrived, I noticed that Heiko was confused – who did she order the tea for? For Thomas or for herself? My guess was right when she asked me, “You live alone in Cape Town?” – something I told her just a couple of minutes before. She repeated the same question several minutes later. 

The more these two people spoke, the more my mind went into turbo-mode …wondering what I could do for them. I never grew up with grandparents and I had a tendency of 'adopting' elders.

What do they do all day?

“At OUR age, it’s very easy to fall asleep,” said Thomas.  

Do they watch TV? I wondered. No – they don’t own a TV. Then how do they know what’s happening in the world, if they don’t buy newspapers – would it even be relevant or interesting to them if they never left their apartment?

Heiko told me that she enjoys reading. Lovely! A hobby we share. However, I was blown away to know that she is reading and re-reading stacks of newspapers from Japan, given to her by someone she knew at the Japanese embassy. The newspapers are two years old.

Just the two of us…

But where are Thomas’ and Heiko’s family? 

The two never had children.

Would they ever go back to China or Japan?

“I have no family left,” said Thomas with no expression.

I looked over to Heiko and asked about her. “I can’t leave him alone,” she said – referring to her husband.

Trying my best to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat, I asked Heiko what they planned on having for dinner. I can’t exactly remember what she said, but I do remember suddenly losing my appetite. My heart sank when she told me that some days, she walks all the way to the end of the Main Road to buy sushi for her husband from Spar. 

“Heiko…please be careful when you walk and when you cross the street. It’s very busy and the taxis drive very fast,” I cautioned her. 

At the back of my mind, I worried that one day she may forget where she lives.

My quick shopping run

“Could you please wait for me for a few minutes? I need to buy something for school tomorrow,” I told them. First I paid the bill for our drinks and hurried to the food section of the store. I called my mum and quickly relayed the story about the couple I had just met. I told her that I needed to buy food for them. It was a chilly evening and soup would have been ideal. Walking down the aisle of baked goods, while talking to my mum, I found myself looking for bread that was soft. 

I hurried back to Thomas and Heiko who were waiting for me at the café.

“Shall we go?” I asked them.

As Thomas stood up, he said that he went to pay the bill, but they told him that I already paid for it.
“You shouldn't do that. You’re a young working woman and there are two of US,” he said.

I simply smiled and told him that it was my pleasure and that I had invited them out. Also, this certainly wasn't going to be the last time we meet.

I had to mind my speed. Even though Heiko’s memory is clearly deteriorating, she was able to move faster than her husband, whose mind was sharper but was slowly losing his hearing. He walked very slowly. What would have taken me roughly 3 minutes took us about 10. 

Refusing a gift is bad in my culture

Arriving on our floor, we strolled down the passage. We had to pass their door first and as we said our goodbyes, I handed Heiko my shopping bag. Her sweet smile was quickly replaced by a very deep frown. 

A look of seriousness had also taken over Thomas.

“This is for you – please enjoy…it will keep you warm,” I told them.

“Are you crazy? What are you doing this for?” asked Thomas.

Neither would take the bag from me and I was so surprised by Thomas’ sudden physical strength as he resisted my handing him my gift.

When I looked over at Heiko, her eyes had welled up with tears.

“Do you buy gifts for your students?” Thomas asked me.
“Actually, I do,” I replied.
“…well, do they give you gifts too?” he continued.

“Thomas. The very flowers that sparked OUR conversation was FROM a student.”

He continued looking at me, took the bag from my hand and walked towards my door. He was going to make this very difficult for me.

I walked over to him, looked him in the eye and said, “Thomas, in my culture it’s very bad to refuse a gift.”

He didn't take his eyes off me. Heiko merely stood there, with her arms crossed – looking confused.

At last…

Thomas asked what I had bought.

1 x butternut soup
1 x vegetable soup
1 x white rolls

He said he would only take the vegetable soup. Since he’s diabetic, he's unable to eat the white rolls and butternut soup. I could make peace with that. The three of us said goodnight, but as I entered my door, the lump in my throat grew in size.

What / Who do they have?

I sat on my couch and tried to reflect on what just happened in the past two hours. Hot tears welled up in my eyes. I needed to eat dinner, but had no appetite whatsoever.

I imagined that Thomas and Heiko could very well have been my grandparents.
They could be my parents.
They could be me.

This thought scared me.

Living in a foreign country. No living relatives. No children. Almost no contact with others. Oblivious to world events. 

What do they have? Each other.

The energy and excitement of my first day back at school melted away. I needed to get out of my apartment. I needed to go out. To speak. To laugh. I knew exactly who I wanted to be with.

I made a phone call and within a few minutes I was in the company of special souls. They listened to my story of meeting Thomas and Heiko and empathized as I wept in front of them. At the end of the evening, I felt slightly better, but little did I know the great impact these two people would have on me.

Hesitant to follow up

For days after, on my way to work early in the morning or coming home late at night, I would pass Thomas and Heiko’s door. Sometimes there would be no light peeping through the blinds. How would I know if they’re okay? I was so hesitant to knock on their door or offer them help.

Perhaps it was not in their culture to accept such “gifts”, but I could not accept that I could ignore this elderly couple.

The letters begin

On Friday last week, before going to work, I slipped a note under Thomas and Heiko's door. It was a short note to let them know that I just wanted to know how they're doing. Since I come home quite late and leave rather early in the morning, I don't get to see them.

This evening when I arrived home from work, I found this on my door.

It read:

Dear Sheetal 

Thank you for the "food" the other and and your thoughtful note. 

You are young and kind. But let me at my age teach you something - everything can be carried beyond a reasonable limit, so that it is not longer practical or wise. 

[He went on to tell me about a young and generous Chinese man who has recently been forced to sell his business and is moving back to China]. 

...He was too generous to other people. 

You are not a business woman either.
That said, we are delighted to know a person like you - and a neighbour. We shall get together some weekend 

At our age, we have some "problems" with "life" which in all your joyful youth, you will not understand. 

We will go out for coffee!
Sincerely, Thomas

If Thomas and Heiko are uncomfortable accepting gifts from me, and are happy just to accept my friendship, then that is what I will be happy to offer.

Remember, angels come in all shapes, colours and sizes - and these two people, since meeting them, have taught me something quite remarkable. I'll keep you updated as things develop - even if they continue via handwritten letters!

What is Gratitude?

A year ago, I used to dread waking up every morning. Being unemployed has been one of the most difficult things I've had to endure. Apart from being financially dependent on my parents, I felt juvenile and worthless. All I wanted was a chance, yet every opening I seemed to find kept closing up on me.

Many wouldn't believe me when I say that for months after arriving back from Korea, I saw no colour. Everything seemed grey through my eyes. As much as I wanted to feel grateful for all that I DID have, I still felt worthless and rejected. I had no idea that being unemployed would have such a crippling effect on me.

Today, the 1st of June, reminds me of how far I have come in the past year.

I am thrilled to write that these days I can't wait to wake up in the morning. My alarm goes off at 04:30 and I feel excited to get my day started.

Once again, I am able to appreciate the breathtaking sunrises and sunsets, the birds chirping and the waft of ocean air that fills my apartment in the wee hours of the morning.

I'm overflowing with gratitude and as a result, my senses are awake and alive. I wake up with a purpose now. Every morning, my colleagues expect to see me in the staff room and my +/- 25 students expect me to teach them everyday.
I'm thankful every single day that not only do I have a job, but that I'm doing something that I truly enjoy putting my heart into. I'm grateful for the opportunity to provide a service to others and that by doing so, I'm meeting people from all walks of life. I love that I'm learning just as much, if not more, as what I teach everyday.

So as this day comes to an end, I'd like to shout it out to the universe that I'm grateful for the opportunities, challenges and obstacles I've faced up to now. I also feel grateful for being rejected for work last year, most of which I doubt I'd be half as happy as I am today.

Also, credit must be given where it's due, and I have to say that nothing would be possible without the support - on so many levels - of my parents whom I love with my heart & soul!

Thankful Thursday

I'm thankful for:

• ...my health
• ...to have two healthy parents and brother
• ...to have food to eat everyday
• ...to have clean clothes to wear everyday
• ...to have running water to take showers everyday
• ...having a clean and warm bed to sleep in every night
• ...landing a temp job
• ....friends I chat to on a regular basis - Chetan, Lanese, Colleta, Yogita
• ...Carmen & Farhad for the Diwali dinner last week and for being wonderful friends.
• ...My brother, for always being there for a laugh.

What are you thankful for today/this week?

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues. -Cicero

10-year Reunion: Grateful

Leaving Founder’s Day, I was overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude. Clarendon is an institution that I’m so proud to have been part of.

First and foremost, I was grateful to my parents for recognizing what an excellent school Clarendon was and still is.  They knew that by enrolling me at Clarendon Prep, I would be taught the best life lessons and be introduced to opportunities that I may not have been exposed to elsewhere.

For my entire school career, I felt like I was constantly nurtured under the loving care of my teachers. 

It was the encouragement of my English teachers that fueled my love for the language and ultimately lead me to explore the wondrous world of words.  My very first piece that was published in an anthology of verse was a poem I wrote in Std 2 called "My Secret Garden". This was the beginning and I am proud to say that I have had my writing published in local and international publications - enforcing my belief that I can spread whatever message I wish through the written word. My love for English also led to my career choice in teaching English to foreigners.

I was a bit of an introvert growing up and was a bit hesitant to take risks and challenges, but in Grade 10 I felt like I went through my own metamorphosis. I joined the Forum Discussion team, the school magazine, Interact and other clubs and societies. It was through these platforms that I developed confidence in developing my voice. Above all, I developed leadership skills.

With their guidance and caring attitude, teachers like Mrs Felton, Miss Rose, Mrs Edwards, Mr Deutschmann and so many others, my wings had fully grown by the time the end of my matric year came by.  

Biology was my weakest subject and I was sure I was not going to pass with good enough grades to enrol at a university.  The day I went to collect my results from school with my mum, I cried tears of joy. Months of hard work, studying and tutoring had paid off and I passed with good grades. I now have a Bachelor of Journalism from Rhodes University. Something I never thought would be possible!

Ten years later, I am still very good friends with many of the girls I met at Clarendon High School...including those from Sub B!

Thank you, mum and dad for choosing Clarendon as my education foundation. Thank you to the dozens of teachers who believed in me. Thank you to all the friends I made.  Without you all, I know for sure that I would not be the person I have turned out to be.

If I can give any piece of advice to current Clarendonians, it would be...

"Don't for a single second take any opportunity you have for granted. Respect your teachers and recognize that they are very special people who take on many different forms to ensure that you will leave the school successful and ready for the world. Don't wait till your reunion to come back to school and realize what a fine institution you were part of. Know it now. When you look around at the lack of education in our country and the children who would give anything to be in your place - even sitting on those hard, wooden floors, appreciate that you are one of the most privileged people to be receiving education of such caliber."

Thankful Thursday

I know my blog has collected cobwebs. I haven't done this in weeks...months! However, it doesn't meat that just because I haven't verbalized it, that I haven't been saying silent prayers of gratitude.

I'm thankful for:

• ...my health
• ...to have two healthy parents and brother
• ...to have food to eat everyday
• ...to have clean clothes to wear everyday
• ...to have running water to take showers everyday
• ...having a clean and warm bed to sleep in every night
• ...my mum healing after being hospital.
• ...my mum and dad for their immense help in my settling in CT.
• ...my dad for giving me the best birthday gift today :)
• ...Vijayan inviting us to celebrate his birthday with him and his family last night.
• ...Whoever called or e-mailed alerting me about my e-mail hack last week, especially Bazil.

What are you thankful for today/this week?

A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all other virtues. -Cicero

Come, Be inspired!

An open field across the road of a family friend's home in East London, SA

A few weeks ago, my mum forwarded an e-mail to me. It was an invitation to attend a workshop hosted by South African Fine Art Photographer, Marlene Neumann.  It would be on Saturday, November 6 2010 at 9am. I didn't answer my mum whether or not I wanted to go, but the thought was at the back of my mind. For nearly 30 years, Marlene's message has been, "I photograph what I feel, not what I see."

On Thursday, I felt a bit zoned out and slightly disconnected. I was trying to write, but my words were coming at a very slow pace. I needed a nudge in the right (write?!) direction. Something told me to go back to the e-mail and re-read it.

The workshop promised:

An experience in Awareness

How to express your Creative side

Connect your HEAD & YOUR HEART

How to see Light...

A taste of MARLENE'S MAGIC

End the year with an inspirational SURGE!

They were only accepting 50 bookings, and when I booked - they opened it up to 60. There were only two available seats left. It was meant for me!

I woke up on Saturday morning still feeling a bit disorientated, and I couldn't wait to get to the workshop for this "inspirational surge"!

Arriving at Marlene's gallery, one walks through a driveway and enters a magical place - her garden. There are trees, flowers and crystals everywhere. I marveled at the serenity and I knew I was going to leave feeling uplifted.

Each person had to draw a card which had a special message written on it. Mine read:

"There is always a piece of fortune in misfortune." 

-Japanese Proverb

Stairs leading to? At Egyptian Embassy in Seoul, South Korea

All I really want to do is share what I learned and that's why I've written this blog. There were some moments where my eyes almost welled up with tears as Marlene spoke. Why? Because she spoke the truth about loving life...and how to do it. It's a fact that truth hurts, doesn't it? Emotions are powerful and when any emotion is evoked, we need to listen to it. It's our mind, heart and spirit talking to us. How many of us are guilty for ignoring this voice?

Since this post is longer than usual, I've broken it up with photographs I have taken over the past few years in various locations - South Korea, London, Singapore, China and Egypt. To me, they're beautiful and make me feel good. I hope you'll feel the same way.

Enjoy...

Any words you speak have a frequency

Any words you speak have a frequency, and the moment you speak them they are released into the Universe. The law of attraction responds to all frequencies, and so it is also responding to the words that you speak. When you use very strong words, such as "terrible", "shocking" and "horrible" to describe any situation in your life, you are sending out an equally strong frequency, and the law of attraction must respond by bringing that frequency back to you.

The law is impersonal, and simply matches your frequency. Do you see how important it is for you to speak strongly about what you want, and not to use strong words about what you don't want?

The Power of Gratitude

We can never bring anything to us unless we are grateful for what we have. In fact, if somebody was completely and utterly grateful for everything, they would never have to ask for anything, because it would be given to them before they even asked.

That is the power of Gratitude.

Today I'm grateful for...

Thursday, April 29 2009

Today I'm grateful for...

1.  ...my co-teacher asking me if I wanted anything from the store.
    
2. ...my co-teacher making coffee & giving me a snack when I told her I was sleepy.
   
   
3. ...the drink I got from the Kindergarten teacher.
   
   
4. ...Joo-hye inviting me to a movie with her and her bf.
   
   
5. ...Jason for adding me to his top 10 blogs.
   
   
6. ...the freedom I have as a woman.
   
   
7. ...the food I ate.
   
   
8. ...all the inspiring and warm-hearted people that are coming into my life.
   
   
9. ...generous comments on my blog.
   
   
10. ...my parents & brother.
      

Today I'm grateful for...

Monday, April 26 2009

Today I'm grateful for...

1.  ...having the energy to stay up and blog till the wee hours of the morning.
    
2. ...waking up to face a new day and week on minimal sleep.
   
   
3. ...the energy to teach my classes.
   
   
4. ...a 4th grade teacher who sent me a message saying that he appreciates my teaching (his class)
   
   
5. ...the amazing comments and emails I've received on my blogs.
   
   
6. ...Hye-ok in the admin office giving me an umbrella.
   
   
7. ...Mrs Ham swapping her bigger umbrella with mine.
   
   
8. ...the e-mail and phone call from my mum telling me how proud she is of me after reading my blogs.
   
   
9. ...having my brother to vent on this morning.
   
   
10. ...my family & wonderful people who've come into my life in the past few months.
    
     

Never Forgotten

This is just unacceptable. I'm ashamed to say when I last had a blog about gratitude. I promised to do it daily, and I failed. It's never too late to get back into routine and that is what I intend to do this evening. Even though months (gasp!) have passed since I wrote a "Today I'm grateful for..." blog, there have been plenty of things I've been grateful for. I will start from this evening again.

Let me get to it!

Why I will stop giving

 

Images from Google Images

A couple of websites relating to teaching English in a foreign country like Korea speaks about taking gifts for the school's principal, vice and co-teacher. This was no problem for me because I would have done so anyway.

When I studied Anthropology at university, I read a book called The Gift by Marcel Mauss. It is said to be one of the earliest and most important studies of reciprocity and gift exchange. Basically, Mauss discusses that giving an object places an obligation on the receiver to reciprocate the exchange. As one can imagine, this could cause an endless cycle. You give me, I give you...and so it goes.

I genuinely enjoy giving people gifts. Truth be told, the only thing I want and expect in return is the person's appreciation.When I give a gift, I take great pride in saying that I give gifts of high quality and value. Not only have I spent money, but my parents have spent money on buying gifts for my school principal, vice principal, co-teachers and other colleagues. Since most things these days are Made in China, we've bought authentic South African gifts - some of which are handmade and quite pricey, might I add.

Since I've been in Korea, some places I've visited include the UK, Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, Philippines, Thailand, Egypt and a few others. I have brought back gifts from every single one of these places - and not merely just a keyring.

Damn, I wish I received gifts like the ones I've given!

Today, two emotions filled me. At first I was angry and then just heartsore.

I went to work today, and because classes only start next week, no other teachers were at school. Also, there was no work to be done. To pass time, one of the ladies in the admin office said I could watch TV in the janitors room, which is connected to the what you could call the store room of the school. That's also where the night guard sleeps.

I was half watching TV when I got a phone call. I was just strolling around the room while talking until my eyes fell on something on the window sill.

At first, I thought it looked very familiar and then even thought - "and here we were thinking it's unique to South Africa". When I looked again, I realized that it was from South Africa and it was a gift I'd given someone. There were two items staring back at me.

Although it was caked in dust, all that I could see was the invisible price tag. 

For all the times I've been home to South Africa, an entire shopping trip has been dedicated to purely gift shopping. I go armed with my list of people to buy for and then... I have to sacrifice leaving some of my things behind that I want to take back to Korea to make space for gifts I'm taking.

So then what happens? I go back to work and present my gifts to everyone, making a special trip to the principal and vice principal's office. They look at it, thank me, and then what?  

They put it in the janitors office to collect dust on the window sill? 

This must stop. It has stopped.

It opens up another can of worms for me. My mother came to visit in the summer of 2008 and we traveled back to South Africa for my summer vacation. We went shopping practically everyday here in Korea ensuring that no one - no one would be left out in SA when it came to gifts. We bought all kinds of things for people: family & friends.

Part of what I love about giving is the act of giving. Seeing the person's expression when giving them a gift can be priceless. For example, I love giving my brother gifts and he will vouch that they have been awesome gifts! He's like a little boy on Christmas morning. But - when people just take it as if it's expected and then...just kind of...disregard it. Well, then - I start to have issues.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want them to gush or thank me profusely. I don't even want a thank you note. Just show appreciation that you were thought of.  Is this too much to ask? I don't think so.

Why do I feel obligated to buy gifts for people when I travel? I spend a lot of money on trips, and then still have to bring back a bag full of presents for people? What significance do the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur have for someone who's never ever been to Malaysia before? Nothing. Or souvenirs bought from the over-priced gift shop at Madame Tussauds in London? Nothing.

When someone does the smallest favour for me, I want to thank them ten-fold. I always reciprocate. If, for example my Korean brother, No-su buys something for me online, I'll buy him a Korean snack or something from the bakery the following day. Of course, I'm paying him back 100% of whatever he's ordered online for me, yet I want to show my gratitude.

When someone does something for me, or gives me something, I tell them: "I appreciate it."  Just today I sent a text to my friend Hye-ok: "Thank you for always being kind to me. I appreciate it."

Seeing my gift that I'd taken time to select, pay a lot of money for... just sitting there on the window sill amongst what I can only call junk... really hurt me. Worst of all, over the three years of being here I've given countless gifts to people so I can't even remember who that was for - but a hunch tells me it was for my principal.

As you're reading this, I expect you may be thinking: "But it's your own fault for buying gifts. No one asked you to." Of course not. It's just in my nature. This is how I've been raised. However, now I turn cold.

No more.
The most I will give someone is a verbal expression of gratitude.

NOTE:

I give to charities and homeless people on a regular basis, so before you tell me not to turn into an ice queen, please know that this post was meant for people in my life who I buy gifts for and who clearly don't appreciate them.

  

Today I'm grateful for...

I'm in a hotel room in Bangkok, Thailand right now. Korea will enter 2010 in about ten minutes. I'll welcome it in another two hours. I've not done my gratitude lists for a few days. But here's a list of things over the last few days.

Thursday, December 31 2009

Today I'm grateful for...

1.  ...Mum ALWAYS listening to me.
   
   
2. ...very kind people I met from Singapore on a tour today.
   
   
3. ...being SAFE and ALIVE here in Bangkok.
   
   
4. ...the  warm messages / e-mails I've received from friends.
   
   
5. ...my family, friends and my health.
   
   
6. ...messages of caution from friends re: Bangkok.
   
   
7. ...SO much more, which I will blog about in detail in the next few days.
   
   
8. ...my gut feeling screaming at me at certain things which I'll blog about later.
   
   
9. ...the e-mail from Hye-jin telling me she's missing me in Korea.
   
   
10. ...free Wi-Fi at hotel!
    

Today I'm grateful for...

Monday, December 28 2009

Today I'm grateful for...

1.  ...walking to work safely in the snow!
   
   
2. ...only teaching 3 classes.
   
   
3. ...having time to prepare for Winter Camp.
   
   
4. ...No-su helping me out again!
   
   
5. ...having the courage to break the ice.
   
   
6. ...walking home safely on the icy roads!