Sunday, July 31, 2011

Life is a book with many chapters...

It amazes me how we connect with people online - literally & figuratively. I met Subesh on Twitter, and after reading about my hacking saga, he sent me this message:

Reading your post this morning, I thought you might find some comfort in these words...
Life is a book with many chapters. Some tell of tragedy, others of triumph. Some are dull and ordinary, others intense and exciting. The key to being a success in life is to never stop on a difficult page, to never quit on a tough chapter. Champions have the courage to keep turning the pages because they know a better chapter lies ahead because with God nothing is impossible!
Thank you, Subesh :)

Show them hackers you can't keep a good woman down!

"It's like you've disappeared from cyberspace," he said.

I had such a pleasant surprise on Saturday morning when I heard a ping on my phone. It was a foreign number which I didn't recognize, but I was so happy to learn that it was Rinesh, a friend from Zimbabwe. He, too, received the e-mail titled Trouble from "me". Rinesh and I either communicate via Twitter or Gtalk and after I'd been hacked on Thursday, we didn't know how to get in touch with each other (we're not connected on Facebook) but luckily, I added my phone number at the end of the email I sent out to friends alerting them of the hoax email.

He was so kind and sympathetic about what had happened, and understood what it meant to me - especially since my blog and contacts I'd made from travels around the world were all linked to my primary address -

I can hear birds chirping again!

Birthdays have always been celebrated in a big way in our family. No one's birthday ever goes unnoticed, and growing up I have learned that it's not just a day to indulge in cake and open gifts. For me, it's a celebration of my life!

For one day in the year, I get to feel so special with phone calls, texts and emails. Even friends who don't keep in touch as often as we should, will call to wish me Happy Birthday.

But this year - Friday, July 29 - I wasn't in a mood to celebrate. I woke up that morning with memories of what happened the previous day.

I cried bitterly in the shower. Not because my email was hacked and years of messages, contacts and memories were gone, but because I couldn't understand why all this was happening to me.

Something I heard recently, "You know my name, but you don't know my story" has stuck in my mind. Few people know how the past 12 months have been for me. Behind my smile was heartache.

I've always tried to find the silver lining in grey situations, which is what I've been doing - but even the most positive person is allowed to feel lousy from time to time.

I couldn't understand why Lady Luck was overlooking me. I would wake up in the morning thinking "Today will be better," but would go to bed that night despondent.

Rejection is part of life and it is imperative to go through it in order to grow as an individual. But when it happens constantly, surely one begins to question themselves by asking, "What's wrong with me?"

I recently watched the Oprah interview with singer, Shania Twain who, after an emotional ordeal, actually lost her (singing) voice.

For the past few months, I was unable to write as I did before. As much as I wanted to share my thoughts and feelings through my writing, I felt emotionless. Like the Canadian singer, I felt like I lost my voice.

On Thursday evening, for the first time in months, I poured my heart out in a blog post and got such warm responses from people.

For some people, my hacking saga probably meant nothing to them and they couldn't understand what all the drama was about. Others, on the other hand, empathized with me, comforted me and even shed a tear with me.

This morning when I woke up, the sun was creeping into my room. As I lay still in my bed, I heard birds chirping outside.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I feel like my heart was hacked today...

Originally written on Thursday, July 28, 2011 at 10:48pm

It is is the eve of my birthday and I'm feeling heartbroken.

I woke up this morning with the intention of e-mailing job applications and getting some writing done. It's no secret that I've been suffering a severe case of writer's block over the past few months and I planned to remedy that today.

I thought my first blog post would be, "Thankful Thursday" - something I started last year in Korea. In fact, every single day I used to list as many things as I could for whatever I was grateful for.  It would be as simple as: "I'm grateful for air con, the food I ate and for the compliment a student gave me in class." Today, however, I had something really wonderful to be grateful for.  

My mum was in hospital yesterday and she came out fine and is recovering well at home. Because I came home to East London to be with my mum, it just so happens that I would be at home to celebrate my birthday (tomorrow - July 29).

It's felt like a dark cloud has been hovering over me for the past few months. Amidst all that, I have been trying to count my blessings and to appreciate and acknowledge people around me. For example, the fact that I have two parents who are fairly healthy (and still married) is something to be celebrated in this day and age.

While I am a private person, I have always used my writing as a way to express myself. Reading back on old postings, I realized that some of my best pieces were written at the height of an emotion.I was either overjoyed for something or feeling very lousy. I regret few things, especially the choices I make. I always feel that my bad choices make for good stories ;)

So for the next few minutes, I want to express how I'm feeling. Let me vent. Let me cry...please, let me tell my story.