Saturday, August 29, 2009

Simple girl in waiting while boys have their fun

About a week ago I was having coffee with a certain guy friend who for the sake of this story we'll call Johnny. I met Johnny over my short holiday in South Africa. He's confident and sharp - 2 qualities that really appeal to me.

Now the details of how we arrived at this point in our conversation is a bit blurry to me, but anyway -

I was telling Johnny about how in Korea there are more Korean girls dating foreign guys than there are Korean guys dating foreign girls. He looked at me confused and asked to explain.

I gave him the short version: Young Korean ladies want out. Korea is a very patriarchal society, and these lasses watch America TV shows like Sex & the City and fantasize about having lovers who will stroke their hair and tell them they love them. I've been told this by several of my unmarried Korean (lady) friends.

As for the foreign guys - well, dating a Korean girl is "The Fantasy", isn't it?

Johnny gave me a puzzled look and asked me cheekily, "Says who?"

Duh - it's obvious! Asian girls are "The Fantasy". They have bodies like this - I held out my hands about 20cm apart - they have long, dark hair, silky smooth skin... they're hot, right?

Johnny looked at me again and just said, "No - not all guys are like that"

Oh *yawn* Was he going to tell me that he's "different"? If only I could count all the times guys have used this line.

Johnny - When they're young, guys like girls like that. They want to be seen out and in clubs with the "hot chicks", but that changes when you get older.

Me - Go on?

Johnny - I used to be like that when I was younger ...wanting only the hot girls, but I've outgrown that. I've outgrown that a *long* time ago, he said as he widened his eyes.

Me - And what about now?

Johnny - Guys change as they get older. They want something simple. I'm looking to settle down now, and ...

Me - ...and you're looking for "something simple"?

He looked at me as if to agree.

Let's lay it down the way it is. I don't consider myself a "hot chick". Perhaps I am, though? I remember one night I was out in Seoul with a friend. We started chatting to this guy, and he told us that he thought my friend was "cute" and that I was "sexy". Ok So he may have been a bit drunk, but whatever - they say you're the most honest when you're "under the influence" ;)

Moving on...

So I don't think I'm "hot" especially - ESPECIALLY - when I'm out in Seoul and I'm surrounded by cutesy putesy Korean girls in hot pants, strappy tops with push-up bras (at least I don't need a push-up bra!), flawless skin and pin straight dark hair.

So am I a "simple" girl then? I guess I am. These days I'd much prefer staying at home watching TV, reading or blogging than being out on a sticky dance floor with creepy guys crawling around me. My friends have been on my case that I need to "flirt more" and stop treating every other guy like a brother. I have this issue where guys find solace in my company, feeling like they can open up to me about their broken relationships and heartache. Boohoo.

But the truth of the matter is that if there is someone I like, I battle to flirt. Throw one of my platonic or even GAY friends on the table, and I'll be flirting so much you'd think I'd co-authored a pick-up line handbook!

Put simply, I think I'm a decent girl. I come from a good home and upbringing. In fact, on some days if you look very closely, you may even be able to see my shining halo crowning above me ;)

Back to Johnny and his story.

One more sidetrack: My mum always used to tell me that guys will date all the hot party girls in skimpy clothing. But when it comes to settling down, they want a nice homely girl. Poor mum was trying to comfort me into believing that my "other half" is somewhere out there and always uses her famous line of, "Every pot has a lid"

Yes, it's true. Guys in their 20s do like to be seen with FHM-like models, right? Guys who end up marrying girls like this - SCORE!

But yes, their (now specifically targeting Indian dudes) eventual wife is a "homely girl" who can roll perfect roti's. She will bare children to carry on his family name and will forever be attentive to his mother. She will go to temple, follow all Hindu traditions and the community will simply adore her. Oh, and she will always have her husbands slippers laid out for him when he arrives home from the office every evening.

I'm having a flashback of something my friend, J told me recently:

Have fun with the wrong ones till the right one comes along. Food for thought, if you ask me.

So - guys admit that they like to date and be seen out with the "hot chicks", but when it's time to settle down, they want something "simple"?

Let me get this straight. For the past 10 odd years of my life, I had to sit back and watch my friends - who were thinner than me and who could wear strappy tops - go out on endless dates while I was at home on Friday and Saturday nights watching TV?

I hated school dances, and in all my school career I only went to a total of TWO dances. One was a Prefects Banquet that I had to attend at the City Hall (I went with a friend who is now gay) and the second one was my matric farewell (prom). I really didn't want to go to my farewell, but I did. And after being turned down by 2 guys (one was in another city writing exams and the other spewed out a pathetic excuse), I eventually went with a buddy ol' pal who was also in matric at the boys school across the road from my school.

So for all of my primary & high school years, I had friends who'd come to school *so* excited on a Monday, tell all about their little date over the w'end. Of course, back then, going to the movies and maybe a milkshake afterwards was the thing to do on dates. How was I to know?

And this continued all the way through to my four years at university, living in res for 4 years. Like clockwork, giggly girls in my res would get dressed up on Friday and Saturday nights and be picked up by their dates. I just looked on from my window and got back to my studying or reading. I always used my studies as an excuse as to why I never had a boyfriend. "I'm just too busy, and don't have time for a relationship." Thinking back to that, it's a bit lame because *so* many people studying the same as me were in relationships or dating.

I guess I'd just gotten used to being the onlooker. After 4 years, I graduated and left campus with a squeaky clean reputation. I knew no one would be able to say they saw me "pissed outta her mind" or "motherless in the gutter" after a night of drinking. It wasn't my thing, and I still don't regret not doing those things. So in that sense, maybe I *am* a 'simple' girl.

I'm in my mid-twenties now and people are becoming curious if I've met anyone during my exciting travels around Asia. My reply is always, "No, not yet" and they go on to tell me how young I am and that I still have my whole life ahead of me and that I should enjoy life while I can. It almost gives me a picture of doing everything I possibly can right now because once I have a ring on my finger, it's lock-down for life.

I fear you may be getting the wrong idea and thinking that perhaps I didn't want to be involved in a relationship. Well, honestly speaking who doesn't want to be romanced? Who doesn't like waking up to text messages and emails from someone special? Or having someone to say goodnight to - apart from dear mum.

People keep telling me that I should put myself "out there" - what this means, I don't know. I love going out and meeting new people. I thrive on exciting conversations. I've experience a few of these before, but at the end of the conversation the guy will still call the skinny girl in the white tank top, and before I know it - they're an item.

So for most of my life, I've been a "simple girl" just being an observer to friends (hot friends, mind you) going on dates and having fun with guys. I'm always being re-assured by my mum and friends that my time will eventually come. Yeah yeah... old story that!

30 is a few years away. I can't quite see the red flag yet, but it's there. And I'm approaching it. Maybe - just maybe - when guys want to settle down, MAYBE someone will find out that there's still an available "simple girl" out there (ala me).

I won't have stories about exotic boyfriends or exciting /disastrous dates from my teens and 20's. Why?

Well, I wasn't a "hot chick". I'm just a "simple girl" waiting for my future husband to settle in his studly ways and realize it's time to get married. And maybe then, we will eventually meet.

Ha! * Thanks to Johnny for giving me something to write about :)


Unknown said...

hey Sheetal

Great blog...given a lot of insight into the subject and i think you should email it to all your friends as a FWD, i think you will be quite surprised at the response you'll get. Also i think maybe you should get an angle from the"hot chick" and see where their story ends up on the time line. Will make for a great read. Hope you well. Take care.

Anonymous said...

Well, Sheetal, as promised some thoughts of myself. Problem: So much to say lol
One Problem is allways: So much generalisation. There are neither "the" male nor "the" chicks/simple women. There are male who like to go out for dating and others who like to meet somewhere to talk. Ppl like me. For me a women was "hot" first in a mind, soul way, later in the body definition way.
What is simple? A simple women will never be one you can talk to. Which idiot just needs a homeworker *lol
If there is such a real world where boys have the fun with the hot chicks while sweetie ones wait for them later in their life: Why care about? Do the sweeties one miss something? Do they wanna be the hot chick (or should i say cheap chicks?)

Live the life you wanna live. So whats the matter we discuss?

Damn, thats definitly a theme we should some day discuss with buckets of really good drinks on a desk between us.

Sheetal said...

@ Chandra:

Thank you so much for reading this. And I think your idea is great - to get an angle from a "hot chick" :) I'll be on it soon, so watch this space!

@ Michael:

Thank you also for taking the time to read this and comment on my piece. Of course, we can never be specific and most of the time when I write, I generalize.

But most of what I write is based on majority. Whether we like to believe it or not, there will always be labels on people - for the guys: stud, casanova, good guy and maybe for girls: simple and decent, slutty (!), and so one and so forth. Everything I've written is based on what people have told me and what I've experienced personally.

You bring up a lot of topics for discussion, and let's hope we can continue it over a damn good latte one day in the future. Thanks for being honest - I really appreciate it :)

Nicki said...

Great post.

I didn't date much either cause I wasn't "hot chick" material either. I was always "fat" for an Asian girl. (Asian girls think size 3 is ideal - in high school, I was size 7, how I wish to be that size age again)

Honestly, I never thought I'll end up with my hubby, he's hot! LOL. All the girls wanted him, he's sweet, good looking, 6-pack washboard abs...and look, he picked me!

15 years later, we're still together and two kids :)

He did tell me that when guys want to settle down, they want someone who will be there for them through thick and thin.

Now, I'm more consciously watching my weight. He told me he has always loved me for who I am and I don't need to lose any weight, but me, being the stubborn person I am, I keep on trying to be this "skinny" girl that I want to be. It's imprinted in my head that I should lose weight.

One of my girlfriends also told me that her hubby and his friends all said that when guys get older, they prefer thicker girls too.

Sheetal said...

@ Nicki:

LOVE the story of you & your hubby :) You're both equally lucky to have found each other, that's for sure! As far as weight is concerned, you should only and always do what feels comfortable for you.

Personally, I HATE the scale with such a deep passion. I go according to the way my clothes fit me. And if you feel comfortable - then that's all that matters, I think. Of course, we need to keep ourselves healthy - good diet and exercise.

Thanks a ton for your comment... you're No.1 :) xo