Monday, June 28, 2010

Whatever. Just write.

About an hour ago, I started this blog post. I was distracted by everything - chats, emails and tweets. Oh, and a phone call. Then I had to make a call.

My browser crashed so I started typing on Notepad - just to keep the momentum going. When my browser started up again, I copied & pasted the above into a blog post. And here I am. Finally.

[Here's hoping I'll be able to hit "Publish Post" before my eyes want to close.]

For the past (however many) weeks, I have had a mental list of things I've needed and wanted to blog about. They're all sitting unwritten in my mind. As the semester winds down, work has been busy. For those who think that "teaching kids can't be that hard", I have no words for you! If I'm not in the classroom, I'm in the office sitting at my desk, with the aircon blasting ice cold air on the back of my neck, as I prepare lessons, research, write reports and whatnot.

Something else has been taking up my time during the evenings. Just a little something called the 2010 FIFA World Cup, hosted in South Africa. Truth be told, I don't usually follow football, so I just stick to cheering and giving a "whoop whoop" when a goal is scored by the team I'm supporting for that match. Even living seven time zones away in South Korea has not stopped me from rejoicing, cheering and expressing heartache with friends in South Africa - and other parts of the world. This includes matches at 03:30!

My sleep has been erratic, but I keep reminding myself that I can't let my blog gather cobwebs. I wish I could be one of those people that write about things as they happen - or even just an hour after. I don't want to say that "I wish there were more hours in a day" because that would make me feel like I suck at time management. But I do get tired. Tired of sitting at my desk. So tired that I just want to close my eyes. And sleep.

Tonight, I thought about why all the sentences are floating around in my mind. As witty and thoughtful as they are (in my mind) why can't I get myself to write [type] and just get it all out?

I've come to this conclusion:

I'm trying too hard to be "perfect" - in the sense of being grammatically correct and having zero spelling errors. Including the horrid little ones that spell check (or my eyes at 02:47) doesn't pick up (but my mother's eagle eye does - thanks, mummy!)

A few days ago, I thought about my blog.
  • What makes me think I'm so special that I should have a blog?
  • This blog celebrates its 5th birthday in September. That's a lot of blog posts. Do I really talk that much?!
     
  • Does anyone "listen" when I "talk"?

  • Why do I have a blog & bother maintaining it? Why?
Some people spend time collecting memorabilia, photographs, letters, movie stubs, concert tickets and such which they compile into a scrapbook. A few years ago, I was interested in taking scrapbooking up as a hobby, but I don't think I had the patience, time and energy to commit to it. And scrapbooking is a commitment!

People also keep journals where they write about their feelings, emotions, daily events ...things like that.

I think my blog is a combination of these two things. While many blogs have a particular theme or subject (teaching, movies, fashion, politics etc) my blog is just a mixture of anything and everything. Whatever I'm in the mood for on a particular day at a particular time.

While journals are typically private, my blog is public. Instead of sending mass e-mails to family and friends around the world about everything I get up to in South Korea, I maintain this blog for them to simply log on, read (if they want to), browse through my photographs and leave - at their leisure. If no one wants to do that, that's also fine. I mainly blog to archive my life. Because, yes - I do think that I do some pretty exciting things that I would like to remember in a few years time, like clicking on my Egypt travelogue and giggling at my proposal under the stars on a cruise deck!

I have visitors from New Jersey to New Delhi. Who are these people? Are they interested in my life? I don't exactly know why (or how) they arrived at my "humble cyber abode" or what the duration of their stay was, but I'm always honoured when someone takes the time to comment on something I've written.

I've said before that my life is an open book. I've written about a variety of topics - some that spring to mind: "Why I will stop giving gifts", "Saying 'I'll pay' is like a sickness", "Frustrations of being a foreign teacher in Korea" and others.

Men and women of different ages from various walks of life have e-mailed me about posts where I have been brutally honest, like my account of having a panic attack a few months ago during a staff dinner.

I think I'm rambling now, but to bring it all back and wrap it up with a big red bow, what I'm saying is that: I need to stop thinking that my blog posts need to have a beginning, middle and conclusion.

Many people can't fathom when I tell them that my English has deteriorated over the past couple of years of being in South Korea. I teach English at an elementary school, so my everyday language consists of "How's the weather today?" to "Are you hungry?" to "What time is it?"

Short.
Simple.
Too simple.
There's really nothing Einstein about them.

I know that my sentences have become a lot shorter. My brother brings this to my attention every time we chat. I think it makes me sound abrupt, which I swear I'm not. It's just that I feel I can get my point across in a few words rather than adding unnecessary blah blah blah's to make it more complex - kinda like what I'm doing to this sentence right now, if you have noticed!

OK so from now on, if I have something to say, I'm just going to go ahead and say it. Even if I find myself at a loss for words...who cares? I just need to get typing and the words will come, I'm sure!

Hey...it's my blog, and I'll blab if I want to :-)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

beautifully written! you go girl it is your blog and you say whatever you want to say.

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