Tuesday, December 1, 2009

It's been a week. The moment's gone.

I'm leaving work and approaching the school gates. I look over my shoulder and see Yong-un's car backing out. "Oh sh!t," I think. I don't want to see him. As luck would have it, the pedestrian traffic light is red, and he pulls out the school gate next to me. He rolls down his window.

"Hi"
I bend down and say "Hello... how are you?"
He nods his head, "Fine...and you?"
"I'm good"
"Are you going to gym?"
"Yes, and you?"
"I'm going to play golf... with my friends"
"Cool! Enjoy!"
The light turns green.
"Have a nice day"
"You too...bye"

I cross the street thinking: W-T-F?!

It's been a week since I asked him if we could talk.

He said we could talk the following day, but he got busy at work. He hasn't brought it up again and neither have I. From all the comments and e-mails I received from the blog I wrote, I was gearing myself up to tell him about my 'secret'.

It's been a week. The moment has gone. And I don't think I can bring it back again. I will forever be grateful for what he did for me two weeks ago. But now it's as if that never happened. So I'm putting it to rest. Let it go.

I have to admit that Yong-un and I kind of have a love-hate relationship (although it's just me doing the loving-hating) .

For the past year that I've known him, I've learned that he's moody. Moodier than any guy I've met. We could be out one night till late talking and laughing, and the next day he won't even acknowledge my presence in a room.

When we had the staff dinner on Friday 2 weeks ago, he was SO bubbly. I drove with him to the restaurant and he killed me laughing. But now...he's back to his non-talking self again and is being all formal-ish around me. He always does this. Before you tell me I'm being too harsh on him and maybe he's got other issues going on...I think he does.

I think his biggest issue is his fear of getting close to people. Every time we're getting along well and talking or laughing, it's so short-lived. And I'm always having to judge his moods before I speak to him. If he's in a non-talking mood, I must abide. If he's chirpy, I must be too. It's annoying and tiring!

Am I disappointed in him?

I never ask anyone for favours, unless I'm desperate and I can reciprocate. Living alone in Korea for the past two and half years, I've learned to fend for myself - a LOT. When I'm sick, I have to take care of myself. It's what we have to do when we choose to live away from our family. But the one time I needed to just talk to someone about a private matter I've kept hidden for all this time, they weren't there for me.

This is the reason I've become hard & people call me a tough cookie. I'm yet to meet someone who hasn't disappointed me or let me down other than my parents and brother. But it's fine. What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger. I believe it!

5 comments:

chetan said...

hmm, he sound too moody to handle. Well i think he is try to bend his environment his way, when he dont wana talk, no one has to talk n when he is in good mood, all must be in good mood and talk nicely. i cant get his point. Happy to hear that you are managing well alone from last 2.5 years.. but being a writer, you must enjoying your own company and writing... Take care

Sheetal said...

CHETAN:

Yeah ~ u know, I should have called this blog: "Too moody to handle" haha! I also can't get his point. But you get MY point, right?! I do enjoy my own company & writing, but human contact is important as well :) Thanks for reading!

chetan said...

ha ha, like you are in deserted island... you are meeting with angels everyday in school. But i hate being away from family and friends.. i still miss them after 5years. Take care...

Sheetal said...

Yeah, sometimes it is like a deserted island :) You're also brave to be away from your family for so long!

chetan said...

Ya, but i m in beautiful garden now...lol. My immediate family is here, sis, mom... But i miss everyone else... cuz, mama, kaka n those thousands of friends...

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