Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Delete the doubts & just date, dammit!

What happens when you meet someone that you like? Those first few days after meeting them and you start to realize that there's *some* kind of chemistry going on, but in the early stages it's all too fuzzy. Isn't it the most frustrating thing ever? When it's unclear and you're not sure whether to do this, do that, call, not call. Friends giving you advice from all directions and all corners of the world.

E-mails and texts from him sets your tummy doing back flips! I bet y'all know (almost exactly) what I'm talking about 'coz we've all been there.

There's this constant cat 'n mouse game that's been going on for eons between Mars and Venus. Men and Women.

Imagine a conversation like this (regardless of who starts the dialogue - man or woman)

A) I like you.
B) Good. 'Coz I like you too.
A) Fine. Now that we've settled that, what are we going to do about it?
B) Um, wanna date?
A) Sure!


Instead, we have all these unanswered questions that pollute our minds so much that we can't concentrate. We can't sleep. It consumes us to the point that it's just tiring. We beg to know the answers to questions like...

- Well, he sent me the first message so that *must* mean he likes me. RIGHT?
- Why's he not replied my message, but I can see he's been on FB?
- Should I say "I miss you" back to him?
- Does he mean it when he says "You make me smile?"
- Is he just being a *guy*? (--- this depends on your past knowledge of men. Sadly, from my early adult years, I've witnessed and heard so many stories of broken marriages and relationships. Men are dogs. Men are beasts. Men are jerks. But I always tried to believe that *my* man would surpass all stereotypes and would be the prince charming straight from the fairy tales I used to read when I was younger.)
- How long should I wait before I reply him?
- If I reply immediately, do I sound desperate?
- Should I tell I've been thinking about him?

... there's *so* many more, I know!

And let's be frank here, how many of you have MENTALLY married the guy within minutes (?) or days (?) of meeting him? Our imaginations run wild, and within moments we can visualize the wedding. The guests. The house. The car in the driveway. The children. The in-laws. Week-end getaways. Family gatherings. (of course your family will adore him because you adore him). Fast-forward a few years and you see the two of you retired. Traveling the world. Renewing your vows in exotic places. Deeply in love after all those years.

I'm almost sure that this entire life story can be conjured up in a minute. Maybe less.

And then we're pulled back into reality by such a fierce force and thump. And we're consumed with even MORE doubts/questions:

- He's older than me
- He's younger than me
- He's of a different race
- He's of a different religion
- He speaks a different language
- He doesn't have a stable job

Oh I could go on...and very soon, we've tallied up so many points as to why he's not "marriage material" that we waste all the time avoiding contact with him - because we don't know HOW to and we don't know if we SHOULD. And before you know it, he's dating another chick (whose ass YOU KNOW you'd kick!)

First of all, if you know you're not going to marry him... why all the questions relating to marriage? What 'bout just dating? But on this point, too... I know that some girls won't just date without knowing that it's 'going somewhere'.

Secondly, if you like him... what's wrong in hanging out and dating.

And for goodness sakes - CAN WE JUST STOP WITH THESE MIND GAMES?

It's so very tiring.

Why does it always have to be about - "Well, he hasn't replied my last message so why should I send one now?... if he *really* wanted to talk to me, he would be..."

...and mabye this is where I'd counter the whole "He's just not that into you" garble that even I was convinced of. But let's leave that for another post.

Whenever I pick at my guy friends' brains about what really goes on in there, I hear the same thing over and over again: Guys can't pick up on "hints" that us women throw around ALL the time.

I heard this *somewhere* (can't remember where)
Don't play hard to get with a man who's hard to get.
That's just dangerous if you ask me!

Of course, there's another whole debate about men liking challenges, and women shouldn't be so easy and blah blah blah.

But the point I'm trying to make is:

Stop wasting time.
You like each other?
You've both established that?
Act on it!

So send that e-mail or text. Make that call. Initiate that date.

...and maybe one of these days I'll even start practicing everything I preach!


Nicki said...

Sheetal! Why are you questioning the "love at first sight" in Bollywood films? Huh? LOL :)

Love your posts! They humor me too!

I'm going to try to update but I really have a boring life.

Sheetal said...

@ Nicki~
Hahaha! Good ol' Bollyfilms!
Thanks so much :)
Doubt you have a boring life!

Marissa said...

I know it's been a while since you wrote this, but just wanted to say I love your writing style! I really enjoyed reading this, and it helped me to put things back in perspective again. Haha, hate to admit it, but I'm one of those girls :P
Anyway, you go girl, make the worls smile with your posts :)

Sheetal said...

Thanks so much for your kind message, I really appreciate it :-) Also, thanks for taking the time to read my blog - hope I'll 'see' you again!