"Nothing but a Womanizer!" - Britney Spears

The other day as I was channel-surfing, the TYRA Show had just started. The topic was: WOMANIZER. Initially, I wasn't going to watch it, but after hearing the preview I decided to stay tuned.

When I looked for a definition of WOMANIZER online, I got these results:

• "a man who likes many women and has short sexual relationships with them"
  
  
• "A man who philanders: Casanova , Don Juan , lady's man , philanderer . Slang lady-killer , wolf."
  

Britney Spears' song, Womanizer goes something like this: (Taken from AZ Lyrics)

Superstar
Where you from, hows it going?
I know you
Gotta clue, what you're doing?
You can play brand new to all the other chicks out here
But I know what you are, what you are, baby

Look at you
Gettin more than just re-up
Baby, you
Got all the puppets with their strings up
Faking like a good one, but I call 'em like I see 'em
I know what you are, what you are, baby

Daddy-O
You got the swagger of champion
Too bad for you
You just cant find the right companion
I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard
It could be easy, who you are
That's just who you are, baby

So Tyra had a few men on her show who were "womanizers" Her first guest was Achmat, and he said that he didn't like the label, but instead is a ladies man. He has a girlfriend, who found out about his other affairs, but is still with him because she loves him. He, on the other hand says that saying "I love you" is too serious for him and he can't bring himself to say it. I won't lie. The brother's damn fine. But there's something cheesy about his looks. He walks with a smooth swagger and seems to be very confident about himself. Definitely a turn-off if you ask me. OH! And he's been with up to 7 women in one day. At the same time. They were all sisters.

Achmat

Tyra's second guest was Shawn Valentino - (His name isn't Indian, but he sure looks Indian!) I was most interested in this particular guest. He travels the world and uploads photos of girls he's been with on his MySpace page. When asked how he meets them, he said either online, clubbing or while travelling. He quickly tried to defend himself saying that he really is a good guy and chirped, "I call my mum everyday!" Tyra asked him, "Do you tell your mum to go to your MySpace page and see what you've been up to?!"

If you didn't know all this about him, he definitely looks like someone you'd take home to meet your parents. Above all, he's educated - he's an attorney!

So what kind of women does Shawn go for? Well, anyone really ... between the age of 18 and 55 (Can you saw Ewwwww?!). "I'm open-minded," Shawn says.

He says that he always has his camera with him, and he just goes up to girls and asks them to pose for a picture with him.... so that he can show his mum he's not gay (Ohmygod!)

About his MySpace page, he says that it's just a fun advertisement of his lifestyle. He also says that he's always upfront with women and makes sure they know that he's not interested in being in a serious relationship.

Look at him - you'd never say he was a womanizer, would you? (!!!)

Shawn invited the TYRA Show cameras out on a night prowl. It showed him in a bar trying to hit on ladies. Get this - he even has a "business card" !!!

On one side, it reads:
"The One Man Revolution"
Make all your fantasies come true

On the flip side, it reads:
"Learn to Live the Dream"
Attorney
Author
Model
Self-help Guru
Relationship Expert
Massage Expert

Shawn isn't always lucky - he gets rejected as well, but goes on to saying,

"Some of the funnest times I've had are with girls who said they weren't interested in me."

Take a look at Tyra's face! She says to Shawn,
"You're just a male slut!"

The third guest was Dick (Pun unintended?!). Just by looking at him, he looks creepy. He says that he has no problem leading women on or with faking commitment.

He says,

"A guy isn't interested in talking to you or hearing about your dog. He wants to get into your pants."

"Men treat you the way you allow them to treat you," said one of Achmat's flings. She said that she has nothing against him and has only love for him (even though he *has* a girlfriend)

Does Achmat want to get married? "I don't rule it out," he says.

And then he cheekily says to the women in the audience,

"The best cheater is the guy who has you convinced."

So Tyra went on to ask, "So marriage is not biological for a man?" Achmat's comeback was, "Men who are cool with their mums have a better outlook on marriage."

Before Tyra pointed it out, I noticed this. Look at Achmat sitting on the couch with his arms around both women. The one on his right is his current girlfriend.

Tyra brought up something interesting - could these womanizers be "mama's boys?" Probably 'cause their mama always treated them as though they couldn't do anything wrong, so why not ... right?

The other guest on the show was Matt Titus, a born-again-Womanizer. He's also the author of "Why hasn't he called? - How guys really think and get the right one interested in you"

Matt was once married and spoke about how he almost lost his life in an accident when he was on his way to his mistress's house. He woke up in a hospital and had to beg the doctors/nurses to call his girlfriend to tell her *not* to come as his wife was going to be there. Messed up sh*t, right?!

New co-worker

My co-teacher/manager has taken 6 months off to study. So I have a new co-worker and met her on Tuesday this week.

When I arrived in Korea in 2007, I had two co-teachers. But in the next 6 months they both transferred to another school. I cried. I really cried hard. I had attached myself to both of them so much - they had become the closest to family for me in Korea. However, two years on I'm *SO* happy to say that I'm still in touch with both of them and still meet them for dinner whenever we're free. I was worried about having a new co-teacher/manager. It takes a couple of months to get used to someone's working and teaching style. And when my second co-teacher started, it also took time to adjust to her. But we both seemed to have a good understanding of each others working and teaching style.

When you spend a lot of time with someone - sitting in the same office as them day after day, you definitely pick up on each others vibes and moods. My 2nd co-teacher wanted to do everything by the book. Of course, rules are created for a reason, but I also believe that they can be changed for various circumstances. She wasn't very popular amongst the students, either - she was VERY strict.

Classroom atmosphere is very important. Often, she would begin the class by scolding the students and then when she hands them over to me, I'm left looking at 30 something students with long, sulky faces. And then I have to psych them up again before I begin teaching. Anyways, this was just her style and I learned to deal with it.

So since she has taken study leave, I have a new co-teacher for the next six months. We met on Tuesday morning. I liked her instantly! I felt instant warmth in her smile. I had to help her around showing her who's who...etc. (Can't believe I've been there for TWO years and that I'M helping *Korean's* find their way around...even showing them which bus to take where!)

I'm looking forward to working with her, and our first four days together have been quite pleasing. I found a major difference between her and the other co-teacher. The new one said to one of the classes, "Let's have fun in English class" while my previous co-worker told me that there shouldn't be fun in the classroom - SAY WHAT NOW?!!!! .... that's almost like going against my religion!

Anyways - just a little update on what's going on at work.

Love for the second time 'round

Image taken from Google Images

So in continuation from my previous post about my friend, Kim (Boob jobs, nose jobs, eyelid jobs - Korean women battle for eternal youth)

In true Hollywood style, Kim found romance over the summer holiday. I was so curious about who was making my friend blush.

But a quick background on my friend - Kim is a 40-something divorcee with three sons. Like most Koreans, she's an incredibly hard worker. But she loves having fun. She's one of the most generous people I know, and she holds a very special place in my heart. Kim was the first person I met in Korea and took me as her own family. And two years later, she'll still come knocking on my door when I'm sick... bringing food, milk and fruit for me.

We've had so many conversations about all kinds of things - one of our "trending topics" always seem to be about MEN! Kim's been hurt in previous relationships, and she has told me about what it's like being a divorcee in Korean society. I'm told that they're almost treated like an outcast. I'm one of very few people who know about her breakup.

Kim's told me that she's weary of getting into a relationship, for fear of being hurt again. (Isn't this all our grief?) I always wished she'd meet someone amazing because she really is a good person. And often when we're talking over dinner she'd say to me, "I really wish you meet a good man because you deserve it." And I feel exactly the same way for her.

She invested years, energy and love into her marriage and after it failed, she's raised three very fine boys - alone.

So I guess my prayers and wishes were answered over the summer holiday. While I was in SA, my friend was being romanced and swept off her (always pedicured and nail-arted?!) feet :)

To cut a long story short, he is a few years younger than Kim. He's a businessman. She went on to say "He really understands me...because...he's also divorced."

This was very surprising to me. It is *very* rare to hear about divorced Koreans - especially if they're in their 30's or 40's.

Talking to Kim, you may even think that she's lived abroad because she's so open-minded and willing to try new things. I love her for that. And she's one person I can always turn to when I need a shoulder to cry on or to share good news with.

"I told him that if he changes his mind about me, please... he must tell me," said Kim. IF ONLY MEN WOULD DO THIS.... AND NOT LEAVE WOMEN HANGING WITH UNANSWERED QUESTIONS!

She seems to be happy. He sounds kind, considerate, understanding and loving. The rest... I guess that will all follow in due time. But for now, my friend is happy. And therefore, I'm happy for her. I don't know what direction or speed their relationship will take - but whatever happens, I'll be there for her, just like I'm positive she'll be there for me.

Boob jobs, nose jobs, eyelid jobs - Korean women battle for eternal youth

With some of my colleagues - the ladies always tell me that they're envious of my eyes

I was almost sure that Kim had more exciting news to tell me over dinner last night. After all, we hadn't seen each other in over a month. So I said, "C'mon... what else happened while I was away?!" I knew she had something to tell me, judging from her tone on the phone.

She smiles, turns her head to the side and in a dramatic fashion, she says, "I got a plastic surgery!"

"You got WHAT now?" My mind was racing as to what kind of surgery she had done. She'd better not ask me to "Guess where?" 'cause for the past 25 mins, everything seemed to be in tact since the last time I'd seen her.

Kim covered her mouth as she giggled at my reaction.

"WHERE?!!!" I asked.

"Can you see it?" she probed.

I thought - Ohmygod, please don't be doing this to me! What if I say the wrong thing? Well, her nose seemed fine and I was scanning her face for any scars or unusual marks. But - nothing!

"Please tell me... I can't see!"

So Kim points to her eyes. She explained to me that she had some 'fat' removed from under her eyes as they seemed to be a bit "heavy" and now her skin is "more smooth"

Apparently it was a simple procedure (just an hour). She used her 3-day holiday to have it done.

"It was so painful after", she said. She went on to tell me about blood and bandages and all that .... I don't know 'bout you, but when "blood" and "eyes" are in the same sentence, it freaks me out just a lil' bit!

"You couldn't see it?" she asked me.

I didn't want to dampen her spirits and make her feel as though no one would notice, but I said to her in the best possible way - "Well, it means it was a job well done if it's not noticeable ...AND...as far as I'm concerned - you were beautiful before, and you're beautiful now!"

She put her hands together and dropped her head saying, "Thank you very much!"

Kim has appeared in a few of my stories on here, and if you've been following you'd realize that she can be slightly dramatic, yes?!

I went on, "Can I ask why you did it?"

She sighed. Put her hands to her chest. Threw her head back and said, "I want to be young!"

Kim is in her mid-40s and for a single mum of THREE sons, the woman looks DAMN GOOD. Her body, along with her spirit could easily pass for someone in their late-20s or early-30s.

Two days before this, I'd heard of another teacher at my school who had the same procedure done.

Some Koreans I've met for the first time have almost always made some mention of my eyes. "Wow! So beeeg!" My students have even said to me, "Teacher eyes very beeeg!" (So I tell them that they're big so that I can see *everything* in class - including students at the back of the classroom trying to play games on their cellphones under their desks!)

When our current school principal arrived at the beginning of the year, she leaned in right to my face examining my eyes. She questioned me about all the eye make-up I use and was amazed to know that I don't use mascara.

Korean women have this fascination with eyelids and long for "deep eyes" (like mine...apparently).

Today at lunch, I sat with Mi-na the music teacher. I asked her what her plans were for the week-end. She said she will go to the "maa-saa-gee shop" In other words, she was going to a beauty salon for a facial, which in Korea is known as a "face massage" or in Konglish - "pay-eess maa-saa-gee"

I told Mi-na that she has beautiful skin and that she's always looking radiant. She was very happy to hear that, but went onto say that she isn't feeling very "bright" with her skin these days.

And then she said, "You know...all Korean women want to be young!"

So many of my Korean colleagues have flawless, milky skin. Wow! When I say "flawless", I mean not a blemish to be seen. They're *so* lucky, I always used to say. Until one day, another friend / colleague (Sarah) pointed out that So-and-So-Teacher had "work done" which is *why* she has skin resembling a baby's bottom.

I know of another colleague who goes for regular laser hair removal treatment - not that Koreans have that much body hair (but that's for another post) I also know of many ladies who have had eyebrow / eye liner / lip liner tattoos done. Of course, they don't make a big hoo-haa about the procedures they undergo, but are often the envy of many friends who also long to look young for as long as possible!

Going under the knife is very common here in Korea. Celebrities in their 40s, 50s and above do it as though it's the most natural thing ever. And the thing is, it *looks* so natural. Their skin looks extremely supple and healthy and doesn't really leave them looking like some messed up procedures I've seen before.

Some of my Korean friends also tell me that they are envious of my "high nose". And... another thing most of my Korean lady friends tell me is that they wish they had more ("zig zag action across their chests")

Kim told me she'd be going back to have her eyelids done. She (along with many other Korean women) long for deep eye sockets.

Well, I say - whatever makes you happy :)

So I thought *that* was Kim's big news. I guessed we'd be wrapping up dinner and heading home soon, but then she says to me: "I think you have a secret, and I have a secret!"

I have no secret.

I sit back and wait for her to tell me the rest of her news. She just looks at me and grins. And I know immediately what's happened.

My "beeg" eyes grow even wider and I gasp, "You met a guy?!"

...I know her far too well by now, and judging from her expression I knew I was right :)

The social life cycle of a Korean woman

One of my majors at university was Anthropology. I have a curious mind about people and cultures - about family life, work ethics, expectations from society and so on. Contrary to other foreigners I know here, I have more Korean friends than I have foreign friends. And I've learned so much about the lifestyle through them. I know about Korea's good, bad and ugly sides!

Today, Kim shared this with me relating to Korean culture. It's something that Koreans believe 'happens' - of course, it's just a generalization! (and how we reached this in our conversation is blurry to me now)

For the purpose of this blog, I've created a character to illustrate what I'm trying to say.
We'll call her Sue.

• When Sue is in her teens (age 13-19), others may be envious of her beauty/academics at school. As with most teenage rivalry - regardless of where you live in this world, she has 'everything' and is usually the first to start dating during Middle School.
  
  
• When Sue is in her 20's, she may have plastic surgery done without many people knowing (VERY COMMON in Korea), and other girls will admire her thinking that she's *so* blessed to be *so* beautiful. Also, Sue will date a string of guys. She's the girl everyone wants to be seen with.
  
  
• When Sue is in their 30's, others will be envious of her because she's settled down with a very decent husband who works in the corporate heart of Seoul. Of course, no one forgets her reputation during her 20's. They are bitter that she was able to have soooo many guys on her list and STILL settle down with someone *nice*
  
  
• When Sue is in her 40's, others will be envious of her children who will be well-educated and attend private academies which means they'll enter top universities which will almost secure them with a high-status/high-paying job.
  
  
• When Sue is in her 50's, others will be envious of her figure. Believe me when I say that Korean women are fierce when it comes to their health and physical appearance. Sue is the kind of person who can eat 'anything' and still have killer thighs and a flat tummy.
  
  
• ...and it's when Sue reaches the golden years of her 60's that others (women?!) are the *most* envious of her. It's a possibility she may be widowed during these years. Her husband (a businessman) would have left her *tons* of cash. Her children are about to settle into their own (perhaps married) lives. Ummm, Sue *MAY* even decide to take on a university 'toyboy' for when she's feeling lonesome - Yes! This happens :)
  
  
• Sue is "free" once again - and as she gracefully ages, still strutting down the streets of Gangnam in her designer suits and heels, other women will still look at her and be green with envy. Sue *REALLY* had it good during her entire life!
  

Of course, this is a major generalization about Korean women, but I'm sure it can relate to women elsewhere in the world?!

Anyways... just something light-hearted and fun :)

Dinner with Kim

I always say that Thursdays are to me what Mondays are to other people. On Thursdays I teach Grade 3, 4 & Kindergarten & after school, I teach a special class for an hour.

My special class is meant to end at 3:50pm, but I do have *special* children that need my help and attention, so sometimes I only get back to my desk around 4:20pm and home time is at 4:40pm. Of course, there have been many days where I've left work really late - once at midnight!

Today I left work at 5pm. I was planning on going to the gym. On my way home I called my friend, Kim - just to say hi. Anyways, we've been meaning to meet and catch up (last time we met was before I was in SA for the summer holiday).

So I abandoned gym to meet Kim for dinner. She said she'd like to see me to talk to me about something. I had a hunch.

So we met for dinner and after getting all the formalities out of the way (how's work ... how's your family?) , we got down to some juicy convo :)

Stay tuned!

Delete the doubts & just date, dammit!

What happens when you meet someone that you like? Those first few days after meeting them and you start to realize that there's *some* kind of chemistry going on, but in the early stages it's all too fuzzy. Isn't it the most frustrating thing ever? When it's unclear and you're not sure whether to do this, do that, call, not call. Friends giving you advice from all directions and all corners of the world.

E-mails and texts from him sets your tummy doing back flips! I bet y'all know (almost exactly) what I'm talking about 'coz we've all been there.

There's this constant cat 'n mouse game that's been going on for eons between Mars and Venus. Men and Women.

Imagine a conversation like this (regardless of who starts the dialogue - man or woman)

A) I like you.
B) Good. 'Coz I like you too.
A) Fine. Now that we've settled that, what are we going to do about it?
B) Um, wanna date?
A) Sure!

Sigh!

Instead, we have all these unanswered questions that pollute our minds so much that we can't concentrate. We can't sleep. It consumes us to the point that it's just tiring. We beg to know the answers to questions like...

- Well, he sent me the first message so that *must* mean he likes me. RIGHT?
- Why's he not replied my message, but I can see he's been on FB?
- Should I say "I miss you" back to him?
- Does he mean it when he says "You make me smile?"
- Is he just being a *guy*? (--- this depends on your past knowledge of men. Sadly, from my early adult years, I've witnessed and heard so many stories of broken marriages and relationships. Men are dogs. Men are beasts. Men are jerks. But I always tried to believe that *my* man would surpass all stereotypes and would be the prince charming straight from the fairy tales I used to read when I was younger.)
- How long should I wait before I reply him?
- If I reply immediately, do I sound desperate?
- Should I tell I've been thinking about him?

... there's *so* many more, I know!

And let's be frank here, how many of you have MENTALLY married the guy within minutes (?) or days (?) of meeting him? Our imaginations run wild, and within moments we can visualize the wedding. The guests. The house. The car in the driveway. The children. The in-laws. Week-end getaways. Family gatherings. (of course your family will adore him because you adore him). Fast-forward a few years and you see the two of you retired. Traveling the world. Renewing your vows in exotic places. Deeply in love after all those years.

I'm almost sure that this entire life story can be conjured up in a minute. Maybe less.

And then we're pulled back into reality by such a fierce force and thump. And we're consumed with even MORE doubts/questions:

- He's older than me
- He's younger than me
- He's of a different race
- He's of a different religion
- He speaks a different language
- He doesn't have a stable job

Oh I could go on...and very soon, we've tallied up so many points as to why he's not "marriage material" that we waste all the time avoiding contact with him - because we don't know HOW to and we don't know if we SHOULD. And before you know it, he's dating another chick (whose ass YOU KNOW you'd kick!)

First of all, if you know you're not going to marry him... why all the questions relating to marriage? What 'bout just dating? But on this point, too... I know that some girls won't just date without knowing that it's 'going somewhere'.

Secondly, if you like him... what's wrong in hanging out and dating.

And for goodness sakes - CAN WE JUST STOP WITH THESE MIND GAMES?

It's so very tiring.

Why does it always have to be about - "Well, he hasn't replied my last message so why should I send one now?... if he *really* wanted to talk to me, he would be..."

...and mabye this is where I'd counter the whole "He's just not that into you" garble that even I was convinced of. But let's leave that for another post.

Whenever I pick at my guy friends' brains about what really goes on in there, I hear the same thing over and over again: Guys can't pick up on "hints" that us women throw around ALL the time.

I heard this *somewhere* (can't remember where)
Don't play hard to get with a man who's hard to get.
That's just dangerous if you ask me!

Of course, there's another whole debate about men liking challenges, and women shouldn't be so easy and blah blah blah.

But the point I'm trying to make is:

Stop wasting time.
You like each other?
You've both established that?
Act on it!

So send that e-mail or text. Make that call. Initiate that date.

...and maybe one of these days I'll even start practicing everything I preach!