Needed: Punching Bag

  From Google Images

One of my co-teacher's, who we'll call KH, teaches 3rd and 4th grade with me. A few minutes ago she came to discuss something about our lesson for next week. She laid out a textbook and calender on the desk and was circling some dates and writing things while trying to tell me something. To be honest, I wasn't really functioning.

Before she left, she said, "You look tired."
"Tired" is an understatement to how I'm feeling right now. I feel exhausted.

I taught five classes today, most of them 3rd graders. My head is literally throbbing. If the students weren't behaving like wild animals let loose after months of captivity, then KH was screaming at them. She is known amongst other teachers for her very loud nasal voice, but she screams. Screams!

As I've mentioned somewhere else on my blog, I've recently become very sensitive to noise, so today was really just draining for me. I have more to write on about this, but that's for later.

Beginning of Academic Year 2010

Leaving home at 5pm today, I shared the elevator with a 6th grade teacher.
"How was your first day?" I asked him.
He shook his head and said, "Terrible."

I nodded my head to indicate that I understood.

Today marked the first day of the academic year. The school and English system are completely different to last year and the previous year. Now I have three co-teachers.

KH will teach grade 3 and 4 with me.
JY will teach grade 5.
IK will teach grade 6.

In addition, I will teach Kindergarten as I've done before. This year I will also teach an adult class - an English class for teachers at my school.

IK has just come back from a six month sabbatical. This is the third year I'm working with her, so I'm used to her style - cold and serious.

I'll be teaching fewer classes than previous years, yet my workload seems to have increased. There are more demands and paperwork that needs to be done. I don't mind this. What I do have a problem with is that IK keeps telling me, "It's up to you, but I'd like you to..." when discussing about my lessons...especially classes I'll be taking alone.

I'm completely open to new ideas, but she doesn't seem to want to accept mine.

This afternoon, JY came to the English office to meet me so we could discuss our grade 5 lesson plan. IK was also in the office. She interrupted JY my conversation to say that she'd rather we focus more on the curriculum - OF COURSE I'm going to do that, but I also think it's important to teach them things like days of the week, seasons etc.

Then, she told me that we need to teach the alphabet - which I do ANYWAY.

IK said that the principal told her that there are some students in middle school (who've graduated from MY school) who don't even know the alphabet. 

WHAT? I asked her when she "heard" that and she said this morning.

I've said this before. I teach over 1000 (ONE THOUSAND) students per week. Each class is 40 minutes long. By the time the class settles and we get started with the actual curriculum, you can cut that 40 minutes down to 30 minutes.

I'd teach phonics, the curriculum work and other things. And getting a class quiet and/or reprimanding time eats into my TEACHING time. So how many minutes does a child have with me a week?

During my winter camp, when I asked a few students, "How are you?" they couldn't respond.

I feel so despondent.

When IK left the office, JY told me not to worry about what principal "said" because she has a reputation of fabricating stories.

Schools have just commenced. How can the English level of the new middle school students already have been assessed?...and the news traveled to quickly?

I live and work in an area that is not well off. Students have no motivation to study. Many were forced to come to my after school English classes. As a teacher, of course I want my students to learn something from me. Realistically speaking, all 1000+ students WILL NOT.

Hearing that some of MY students don't even know the alphabet does not have a good reflection on ME the English teacher.

This was my day.
     

Bangkok (24) Check Out!

Bangkok (1) The idea to go
Bangkok (2) Adios snowy Korea
Bangkok (3) Holiday Travelers
Bangkok (4) The drive to the hotel
Bangkok (5) P2 Boutique Hotel
Bangkok (6) The Family from SA
Bangkok (7) Breakfast on Wed morning
Bangkok (8) Pratunam, Scooters & Tuk-Tuks
Bangkok (9) Central World
Bangkok (10) Sukhumvit Road 
Bangkok (11) Himali Cha Cha
Bangkok (12) Beware of Cheating Drivers
Bangkok (13) Private Tour - for FREE?
Bangkok (14) Chao Phraya River
Bangkok (15) Chao Phraya River Vids
Bangkok (16) Stop at the Temple
Bangkok (17) Chin Jewelry Factory
Bangkok (18) FURIOUS in Bkk
Bangkok (19) Lunch at Swagath
Bangkok (20) My Thai Massage
Bangkok (21) Am I invisible in Bangkok?
Bangkok (22) Put the meter ON!

Bangkok (23) Happy New Year!

Day 4: Friday, January 1 2010

I wake up on the first morning of 2010 happy that I'm leaving Bangkok. Although, I still have the whole of Friday. My flight is only at 01:15 Saturday morning, so I only have to be at the airport very late that night.

I plan on spending time at MBK Center and Siam Square. I also want to visit a spa for a scrub and massage. I have ample time and don't need to rush. I pack my luggage and head downstairs to check out at reception.

A kind man helps me. I ask him if someone could help me get a cab later that night to get to the airport. He tells me that the hotel provides a hotel shuttle and I that I qualify for that service. He asks what time I need to be at the hotel and wants to see my ticket. At the same time, someone else is writing out a ticket for my luggage to be in storage for the day. I ask them if they can suggest any good spas in the area. They tell me the one on the corner is dirty and that I shouldn't go there. Luckily I didn't the previous day.

We chat briefly and I tell them about the rude cab driver's. They apologize and one man offers to get a cab for me to take me to MBK Center. I'm grateful for this. I feel very relaxed and look forward to walking around in shopping malls that everyone has raved about to me.

About five minutes later, we reach MBK and as I pay the driver, I look into my bag for my e-ticket. It's not there! I remembered the man at reception wanted to see my flight time and he didn't give the ticket back to me.  I ask the cab driver if he has a cellphone I could use. He gets annoyed with me because he can't understand me.

I enter MBK at what seems like the back entrance. After security checks my bag, I ask him where I can find a public phone. He tells me "4 floor". He thinks I want to buy a phone. I just need to call the hotel to ask them to keep my ticket for me.  I spot a Customer Service desk and ask the lady if I can please use her phone to call my hotel as it is an emergency. She shakes her head and points somewhere. "Information Desk," she says. She's so rude and barely looks at me when she speaks. I can't believe this. I KNOW I'm not rude to people, so why is everyone in Bangkok being like this?

I can't find the Information Desk anywhere and decide to just go BACK to the hotel.  My new driver is an old man with a thick white strand of hair growing out of the left side of his chin. He drives as if he's driving on eggshells. He stops to show someone a map of the hotel I give him. It takes double the time and double the cab fare to get from MBK to my hotel than it did from my hotel to MBK just a few minutes ago.

I rush into the hotel and they people at reception are surprised to see me so soon. Relieved that my ticket is still there, I ask the man to please get me another cab to head back to MBK Center. Can anything else go wrong so early on my last day in Bangkok?

Bangkok (25) MBK Center

Bangkok (18) FURIOUS in Bkk

Bangkok (1) The idea to go

Bangkok (2) Adios snowy Korea

Bangkok (3) Holiday Travelers

Bangkok (4) The drive to the hotel
Bangkok (5) P2 Boutique Hotel
Bangkok (6) The Family from SA
Bangkok (7) Breakfast on Wed morning
Bangkok (8) Pratunam, Scooters & Tuk-Tuks
Bangkok (9) Central World
Bangkok (10) Sukhumvit Road 
Bangkok (11) Himali Cha Cha
Bangkok (12) Beware of Cheating Drivers
Bangkok (13) Private Tour - for FREE?
Bangkok (14) Chao Phraya River
Bangkok (15) Chao Phraya River Vids
Bangkok (16) Stop at the Temple
Bangkok (17) Chin Jewelry Factory

Day 3: Thursday, December 29 2009

So my new friends from Singapore and I decide to lunch together. First, the driver stops at my hotel to drop off some paperwork or something. I will get off at the next hotel stop to have lunch there. My bag is feeling a bit heavy. I'm carrying my bulky camera with me as well as some things I bought during the day.  While the tour guide is talking to someone in the hotel lobby (I can see him), I ask the driver if I can please go in to leave my shopping in the room. It would take a maximum of two minutes.

I explain to him slowly that I am going to have lunch with the people he'll be dropping off at the next stop. I assure him I'll be back in two minutes flat and practically beg him, "Please don't leave without me." He doesn't say anything, just nods. As I get out the van, I tell him again, "Please don't go. Wait for me!"

I don't walk, but run to the elevator, go to the 4th floor, swipe my card to unlock the door and go into my room. I empty the shopping from my bag on to the bed. I quickly wash my hands and run out again. When I reach the hotel lobby, Mr Song calls me to the desk. From the corner of my eye, I can see the white van waiting for me. Mr Song wants to tell me about the tour the following day. I want to go to Wat Poh to see temples and the famous reclining buddha.  I tell Mr Song that the driver is waiting for me. He goes on to tell me that I CAN'T go on the tour tomorrow because it doesn't operate on New Years Day.

Now I'm irritated. If I knew that, I'd have gone to Wat Poh TODAY. It's one of the main things I HAD to take photos of before leaving Thailand. Why didn't he know this information before?

"You go yourself," he says.
"How?" I ask.
"You go taxi," he suggests.

I have no idea how far Wat Poh his from the city and I'm not sure if I want to 1) spend the money on taxi fare going there and 2) going alone with the taxi.

This conversation with Mr Song lasts for about 1.5 minutes. There's nothing I can do if the tour is not operating and I have no energy to still argue with him. Besides, the driver is parked outside waiting for me along with my hungry Singaporean friends.

I thank Mr Song (JUST to be polite, because that's what I was taught to always do and say) and go outside.

I step out the clear glass doors and look left and right.

Where's the white van that was waiting for me?

There's a white van parked across the street. I walk over and look into the tinted windows. It's empty.

Where's the white van that was waiting for me?

Kabir and Sarah are in that van. We're supposed to have lunch together. My mind flashes back to when we were on the boat and chatting. Kabir said, "We must exchange phone numbers and email addresses so you call us when you visit Singapore."  We said we'd exchange details once we were back on land. We didn't.

I march back into the hotel asking Mr Song where the driver could have gone to.

"He no time. He go," says Mr Song.
"But I asked him to wait for me. I was supposed to have lunch with people in there," I say.
He's not phased. This irritates me further.

"Can you please call the driver and ask where he is?" I ask
"He no phone," he says.

Then the tour guide - a scrawny looking man wearing an orange T-shirt and who I gave 100 Baht to earlier suddenly appears. He's not phased by my story either.

Mr Song asks the tour guide for the list of passengers in the van. He writes down the hotel name and their room number. Room 598.

"You go there," says Mr Song.
I'm not in the mood for rude cheating cab drivers to take me there.
I wonder if the effort is worth it.

I'm about to kick up a fuss when a young man who works at the hotel walks by. Mr Song tells me that the young guy will take me to the area (which apparently is near to my hotel).

I can't believe this. I asked him to wait for me. He just ... drove off ... with my friends.

About two minutes later, the driver pulls into an area that is swarming with people, clothing stalls, tuk tuks and those damn scooters. He points ahead.

"I go there?" I ask.
I guess he's trying to say the hotel is up ahead. I thank him and get out the van. I look around me. I can't see anything that resembles a hotel with the name written on the paper that Mr Song gave me.

As I turn around, I look up to a building that reaches the heavens.  It's Baiyoke Sky Hotel. It's the tallest building in Bangkok. I wanted to stay there, but they were fully booked. I then tried at their sister hotel, Baiyoke Boutique Hotel. When I called them, they asked me to do the booking online. When I emailed them, I got no reply. Again - not impressed with the service in Bangkok.
 

There are shoppers everywhere. I don't know which direction to walk in. All I see around me are places saying "Thai Massage" or little cafes. I remember that Sarah was dressed in all-red so I thought if I walk around, maybe - just maybe I will spot her.

I have to be very careful because scooters are zooming past me without warning. I'm about to give up. I decide to find a cafe and have lunch. When I met Kabir and Sarah, I thought my holiday was picking up. It was nice to meet them and I was looking forward to lunching with them.  Now, I was back to the same dreadful feeling I had the previous day when the cab driver cheated me. I'd never see them again, because we never got to exchanging our contact details.

In a very dramatic filmy kind of way, I'm walking feeling upset and wanting to go back to Korea. I see a slender woman with long hair tied in a low ponytail walking with a man. She's dressed in all-red. It's Sarah! Is it?

I walk to the pavement and hurry towards them. The look on their face when I reach them turns from irritation to complete surprise. Kabir has his phone in his hand and a small piece of paper in the other.  He tells me he was on the phone with the tour company trying to locate me.  They can't believe I'm standing in front of them.

Sarah tells me how they SAW me in the hotel lobby talking to Mr Song, and the driver started pulling away.


"There she is. She's coming," Sarah relates to me what she was saying to the driver.
"We were so angry with him," Kabir tells me.

To worsen the situation, the driver didn't even drop them off at their hotel. They had to walk over a bridge and Sarah tells me that she shares my fear of traffic and scooters.

I show them the paper that Mr Song gave me with their hotel name and room number.
The room number was WRONG. Why am I not surprised?

"The driver was so rude, we didn't even give him a 100 Baht tip," says Kabir.

"100 Baht? That's a tip?" I ask.

The 100 Baht I gave the scrawny man in the orange T-shirt earlier was no fee at all. Mr Song told me to give him a 100 Baht, which I did. ONLY to realize now that it was a tip. Damn!

We still can't believe that in the buzzing chaos of this area, we actually found each other again. I'm feel so irritated. So cheated. Above all, I'm relieved to have found Kabir and Sarah again. By now, we're hungry and set off to find a place to relax and have a meal together.

Bangkok (19) Lunch at Swagath

Filing today away in the "Fcuk my life" folder

Today I ran on about 3 hours worth of sleep. I was fine because I was busy all day, and was told I needed to submit 15 lesson plans by tomorrow. While I was working frantically, Mr Kim came to my office. I spoke about Mr Kim, my IT guy on Friday.

He wanted to show me the names of the files that was recovered from my hard drive.

ONLY 8 GB COULD BE RECOVERED

I apologize if this sounds morbid, but what the hell. I can only liken my experience and feelings to death. As I scrolled down the list of things that were recovered, it was like I was being asked to "identify a body" (which I've never done before)

I recognized some folder names, namely: London /Jeju Island/ South Africa-Durban/ At home and some others.

I have to pay about $300 (US) for this. After Mr Kim left, I felt my shoulders and arms feel very tight. I was tired of sitting at my desk clicking my mouse and typing frantically, but I had to meet a deadline. And now the loss of my data on my hard drive.

I feel like putting this day away in the "Fcuk my life" folder. Those who know me will know that it takes A LOT for me to say THAT. So ummm... yeah, I guess that's the way I'm wrapping up November 2009...

UPDATE: Hard Drive Drama

Crash Boom Bang (Part 1)

Crash Boom Bang (Part 2)

I couldn't have been happier to see Mr Kim (my IT guy) in my office on Thursday morning. He had news for me re: my external hard drive. Apparently, they needed more time to work on it. And if I want everything recovered - it's going to cost me. Of course, I didn't hesitate.

I can't recall every single folder that I had on there, but two of the most important are those name "Photos" and "Work" which has everything I've collected over the past 2+ years.

I figured I'd just have to live a slightly less-extravagant lifestyle for a couple of weeks. After all, just a few weeks ago, I'd been to Jeju Island and spent a bit more than I planned. With winter setting in, it's easier to save money because it's more convenient to stay at home. So now, all I do is wait.

Poor Mr Kim is such an angel. I told him that he's my No.1 Guy in all of Korea. He's never disappointed me and has always - ALWAYS - delivered. Whether I wanted a new notebook, netbook or camcorder, he's helped me ...and always with a smile on his face. I've said it before, if I were him, I'd probably have blocked my number by now!

Friday night... 2 days later

My mum e-mailed me after she read my blog about my hard drive on Wednesday. Her kind, loving and consoling words were probably what I needed to get me crying. Before that, I hadn't cried. I just said I wanted to and that I felt I could. But I really cried a lot after the e-mail.

And thinking back, I don't know why I cried. Was it because my hard drive is in a critical condition and I will only get word on it next week? Did I cry because no one understands my grief and pain? Or did I cry because no one really gives a f**k?

The past 2 days have been very painful for me. I haven't been to gym. I've just been to work, taught my classes with a forced smile, came home... climbed into bed and watch TV. Even though my mum's been trying to call me, I can't talk to her because I will probably break into tears.

Of course, measured against other problems on such a larger scale (globally etc...) my little dilemma is microscopic. But what I've POSSIBLY lost is what makes me ME. It's my THING. It's EVIDENCE of things I've seen, done and experienced.

I have friends who are professional photographers, and I can almost say that I beat them hands down when it comes to snapping away.

The last thing I need to hear from anyone is that I should have had a back up. I KNOW. I had already told my IT guy that I wanted him to get me another hard drive as a back up. On the other hand, I have over 300 albums uploaded on Facebook. So there are digital back-ups. I was going to get the new HD by next week.

My hard drive is currently in Yong-san. If they recover 90% of my data, I will have to pay $500(US). That's a lot of money. But I don't care. I will pay.

I have so many other gadgets that are SO much more expensive than my hard drive. Laptop, netbook, DSLR camera, digital camera, iPod Touch. I wouldn't have felt this way if any of these things FELL to the ground. But .... damn, it was such a freak accident. Where is the Rewind button when I need it?

I've only been chatting to my brother online, and mostly about other things to try and divert my thoughts. Yesterday morning, I called a friend in SA. I didn't even know where to begin whatever I wanted to say. But all I know was that I was feeling very crap. I felt a bit better after talking. I didn't even have to say much and my friend just listened. I guess that's all I really needed.

After getting dressed and putting on my makeup, I had to also put on my "poker face" although I don't think I can really pull it off. If someone here asks me what's the matter, I have two options:

1) Lie and tell them I'm fine ... maybe just tired
2) Explain my situation very slowly. And too much of the story gets lost in translation or misunderstandings. It ends up becoming very frustrating - for my Korean friends, and for me.

All I really want to say is: I'M SO F*CKING IRRITATED WITH THE WORLD AND EVERYONE.

I'm really a good person. I'm the kind of person who will make the phone call the following day to see if you're OK after being down the previous day. I'll buy you a present for buying your first car. I'll think of buying you breakfast knowing that you probably rushed to work this morning. And everything I do, I do without expectations of getting anything in return.

That's why that day I walked home from work, I couldn't help but think what I'd done to suddenly get this feeling so sickening in my body.

Even when I eat, it hurts when I swallow. Mostly also because I just don't have the energy to chew.

If anyone reading this can't understand how I'm feeling, then I just don't have the energy to explain myself. And I don't really care either. The only person I can tell things to is my mother, but I can't speak to right now. And I feel blessed to be able to express myself through my writing, and that is what I'm doing through my blog.

I have so much to blog about, so that's what I intend doing for the next couple of hours.

Grade 6 teachers stress relief (2)

In this one, they pretended they were hitting a certain someone's face :)

Grade 6 teachers stress relief (1)

After dinner, we passed this place where u punch a bag and it gives you a score based on how hard you punched. The 2 guy teachers (Yong-un & No-su) let go of some of their built-up stress~!!!

Lost in translation...

This evening I met a friend for drinks. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. However, there were 2 men at the table next to ours, and the one kept looking over at us. He eventually started speaking to my friend (who is Korean) and was asking questions about me... where I'm from & what my job is.

The reason he was asking my friend about me is because he couldn't speak English.

After they left, 2 girls sat at the same table & started randomly talking to me. After asking where I'm from, they asked my age... then asked if we could be friends. Just like that. When they asked what job I do, I didn't say "English teacher", but "journalist".

I've noticed that when I tell Korean's that I'm an English teacher, their interest in me grows...because they think that by speaking to me, their English will improve.

They wanted to follow my friend and I to another bar when we were joined by 2 other guys (a friend of my friends, and his friend... who came to keep me 'company', I guess?!). Anyways, these two girls were only interested in speaking English to me because I was a foreigner. They ended up not joining us at the second bar.

So my friend & I moved to another bar with the 2 additons, who we'll call PH & NS. PH keeps in touch with my friend on a regular basis. PH & NS's English is quite limited.. so we all agreed that during the evening we'll speak English, Korean, Konglish & Body Language!

It was only fair... since the group was comprised of 3 Koreans & 1 foreigner (me).

PH is generally a quiet person, so I tried making conversation with NS...who only responded with giggles or... wanted to top my glass up with what we were drinking.

I was hanging by a thin thread & running out of conversation topics with NS (my friend helped with English - Korean translation every now and then).

I was getting pretty tired from talking.. and just sitting & doing nothing so I was getting a bit sleeping. An hour and a half later, I said I wanted to go home. My friend was pushing me to talk more to NS, but I was getting irritated since he wasn't speaking either.

Anyways, bottom line is ~ I've been here for nearly more than 13 months, and I am very comfortable with the lifestyle & mannerisms of the people here. At least, I thought I was.

But... it appears that the longer I stay here, the more of a foreigner I feel.

I had this conversation with someone during the week ...language is VITAL between people. If there's no language, the relationship is based on ... what? Maybe just physical acts? That just isn't enough. Of course, this is entirely my opinion.

So to end the story, I took a cab home and here I am... about to go to bed.
Good night ~~

Confusing my body

It's 1am and I'm having tea! A few hours ago I had Red Bull. I'm not a big fan of Red Bull, but I needed something to give me "wings". I have four essays due for next week and the hours are closing in on me slowly, but surely...

A few weeks ago, I was normal - I'd wake up in the morning and sleep at night. But because of the crazy hours we have been working, my body has gone into the mode of sleeping when the sun is out and I seem to be wide awake and willing to working when the moon is out. My body is completely confused...my sleeping and eating patterns have totally changed!

Crazy! I was never like this, and I hope this pattern breaks as soon as the work load subsides. Which, by the way - will be OVER next week this time. To say I cannot wait is an understatement! I can't wait to go home...eat mum's home food, go to the hairdresser and feel like a human again!

Having said that, my tea break is over and my essay awaits me...

P.S. Our 24 min documentary, "Searching for Existence" is complete!

I am still working on my individual documentary - due on Tuesday. I am pulling an all-nighter on Saturday/Sunday... I am going to need much more than Red Bull to give me wings! I'm still trying to find decent bedding music to go with my doccie...much harder than I thought!