You know my name, but not my story

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm currently completing a Teacher's Training (in one year) so while stories have been bubbling in my mind, waiting to be written, my time and energy have been dedicated to assignments and studying. 

The topic of identity and belonging has always been close to my heart, because my life is so multi-faceted.

Yesterday in my subject Communication and Consultation I attended a session on intercultural communication. 

In a nutshell: look beyond someone's culture. 

It was probably the most enlightening session I've attended during this course because it spoke directly to me.

One of the slides from the session struck a chord with me. It focused on microaggressions and discrimination.

The example was: "Wat spreek je goed Nederlands." (Translated: You speak Dutch very well.)

At first glance, this sounds like a compliment, and one would naturally think the appropriate response is: "Thank you!" I have certainly said "thank you" when I heard this line.

However, our lecturer explained that although the intention may not be demeaning, the underlying subtext can be: "Voor iemand met jouw etnische achtergrond." (Translated: For someone with your ethnic background.)

Learning Dutch was not as easy as people assumed it would be - despite Afrikaans being an official language in South Africa - but I did my best and continue to learn. 

Over time, I started noticing that people asked more about my Dutch than about how I was doing. I had left my home and family behind, with my Dad having just revealed his cancer diagnosis, and moved to a new country. Instead of asking how I was coping with the move or settling in, I often felt reduced to only that aspect of myself.

Our lecturer also touched on diversity in the workplace. Do we see people from immigrant backgrounds in official positions? More often, we see them represented in the cleaning or catering sectors. I have heard many stories of people who were highly qualified professionals in their home countries, yet their qualifications are not recognized elsewhere.

The same applies to me, which is why I am following this training - so that I can be officially recognized for work I have already been doing for years. It has been one of the most difficult endeavours I have undertaken, but it has also pushed me out of my comfort zone and taught me so much about myself. 

I still need to map out all my thoughts, and I hope to continue writing about them as time permits.

Let's try this again

 I didn't keep up my promise to write since my last post eight months ago. Even as I typed the first sentence of this post, I backed up and rewrote it. 

A couple of conversations over the past few days have made the voice in my head louder: "Write. Just write. Don't overthink it. Just write."

I thought of my Television lecturer in my final years of Journalism - "Where there are people, there are stories." My three years in South Korea are proof of that. I'd find writing inspiration just from my walk from the school I worked at to my apartment.

What is compelling me to write now - after quite a hiatus - is not stories of people, but stories that have been with me over the past few years. Stories that have lived in my head, but most importantly in my heart.

As I wrote in my last post, I have written tidbits on my social media pages. However, ironically, I wrote that because I have been offline from all social media since September last year. The reason is two-fold. The first is because I was starting to realise that I was playing the comparison game. Comparing people online to myself... which is, even when I read that, is simply ridiculous.

I compared their skin, hair, eyebrows, teeth, and body to my own. 

Please don't come at me because I said these words to my doctor last year in August: "I'm an educated woman and I know that they're filters, but I still find myself comparing my own body to theirs." Sometimes it wasn't even about the filters, but about the confidence that they had to vlog and express their opinion.

I used to write like crazy 20-odd years ago. I look back at some articles I'd written, and frankly, I don't know where that tenacity disappeared to. I got a lot into my own head, sharing my inner thoughts with only my inner circle. My confidence waned a bit, and I wished I were like the "influencers" who are able to tell stories, something that I always thought was a passion.

The second reason I decided to take a break from social media is because I embarked on something quite big. I am studying again. Not only am I doing a 2-year teaching degree in Dutch, I'm doing it in one year. That's a story for another day.

...but for now, I just had to write something. Whether anyone reads it or not is besides the point, but the stories living in my mind need to be told.

Thanks for being here! ;)