Saturday, April 24, 2010
I've often spoken about 'getting naked' when I write. What I mean by this is that when I write, I bare all and become extremely vulnerable to my readers about my feelings and the topic I'm writing about.
Anyway, last month I wrote quite a deep blog about a particular person. The day after I published it, the person replied my email and in turn I sent another one. Only after sending my email, I realized that my email has my blog URL in the signature. I never heard from the person after that.
CRAP SHIT DAMMIT F*CK IT.
The person probably followed the link to my blog and read everything I'd written about them. There was nothing bad written - honest. It was basically me just being my usual self by pouring my heart and soul out onto my computer screen.
Days went by with no email in my Inbox and I began to think that I'd never hear from them again. I thought I screwed it up once and for all. I drove them away with my words. I imagined them sitting at their computer, following my blog link... reading everything I'd written, shake their head, go back to their email and delete my name. Forever.
I have an imagination that tends to run away with me at the best of times, so don't mind me if I sound dramatic.
But then it hit me - why do I need to apologize at all? It's MY blog. MY domain. MY space. MY opinion. MY thoughts. No one else should mind what I write about, especially if it's concerning MY feelings.
Anyway, things started picking up and I was getting busier with work, which means I had less time to think about the person and how they'd probably deleted me. I guess that was the (overdue) cue that I had to delete them as well. Once and for all.
Yesterday morning as I was contemplating whether or not to roll out of bed just after 6am, I heard my email notification. To my absolute surprise, there was an email from the person.
Before opening it, I thought it was going to be a harsh email about the things I wrote on my blog. Luckily, I'm able to see the first line of the email while still on my Inbox page and I knew it was 'safe' to open it.
I had to double check that the email was real and that I wasn't just dreaming still. It was still early morning!
It was real. All that time I'd been worrying whether or not the person read my blog and deleted me. Maybe they did, but decided to talk to me anyway. Whatever the case is, I feel like a big tit for wasting my energy on worrying without knowing what was really going on.
...and how often do we do that? Before knowing what's going on, we already prepare ourselves for the worst. Do you know how mentally draining it is? It would be less strenuous on the body if it took a hard whack, I think!
A while ago, I wrote - "Expect less and be pleasantly surprised"
This is what I want to do. Expect less. Very often, I've put people on pedestals...and what happened? It came back and kicked me in my ass!