The International Food Shortage

...came across this recently. It's quite tongue-in-cheek!

Recently, a worldwide survey was conducted and the only question asked was: 
"Would you please give your honest opinion about the solution to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was, not surprisingly, a huge failure. Because:
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And, in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

Attention: Wine (and non) Drinkers

I just got this via BBM from Alvita :)

To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine...And those who don't.

From Google Images

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop..

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service!

Jennifer Aniston Tests the Vibrating Bra on Ellen

I watched this episode the other day...anyone else seen it?! 

Frozen Blackberry

Got this from my buddy, Ajay:

Crossing Borders

Got this via e-mail from my dad!

LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND ALL THIS...

If you cross the North Korean Border illegally you get 12 years hard labour. 

If you cross the Iranian Border illegally you are detained indefinitely. 

If you cross the Afghan Border illegally, you get shot. 

If you cross the Saudi Arabian Border illegally you will bejailed. 

If you cross the Chinese Border illegally you may never be heard from again. 

If you cross the Venezuelan Border illegally you will bebranded a spy and your fate will be sealed. 

If you cross the Cuban Border illegally you will be thrown into political prison to rot.

Waiting in line...

Got this in an e-mail from Ajay!

9 Words Women Use

Got this from my friend, Jenean...enjoy!

9 Words Women Use

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 


(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.  This means something, and you should be on your toes  Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

The Wheels of Life

Happy Birthday, Tweety Bird!

Got this in an e-mail from my dad...Tweety Bird turns 60!

Office Kitchens & Fridges

I got these in an email from my buddy, Ajay. One thing I know for sure - these little notes are not from Korea. Here, once something is in the fridge, it's for anyone who gets to it first. It's a culture of sharing. I know this first hand because I've taken things like banana's, yogurt and juice to work and when I go for it, it's gone! Anyway, these are funny - Enjoy!

How...neighbourly of me?!

Every now and then, there's something in my mailbox in my apartment building - nothing exciting, just bills.

On Monday evening when I got home, everyone's electricity/gas bills were placed in our mailboxes. I thought my bill was unusually high, but I figured it was just over-use of my aircon and fan.  On Tuesday morning, I paid the bill and went along with my day.

Last night (Wednesday) when I got home, I noticed that someone still hadn't taken their bill out of their mailbox. "My neighbour must be away," I thought. I just glanced over the number on the only mailbox with the bill still in it.

It was apartment no. 504 - which is mine!

So whose bill did I pay?

I quickly checked my receipt, only to realize that I paid for my neighbour in 505. In 3 years of living in the same apartment building, this is the first time this has happened!

Anyway, this morning I paid my own bill. When I got home, I sorted it out with my building manager who just chuckled as he said, "Change paper!" (meaning: You took the wrong account! )

Seinfeld on Blackberry / iPhone

Thanks to Jason for this :-)

Importance of Punctuation!

Thanks to Sherry-Anne for this!

Madam & Eve's SA World Cup Scrapbook

Also received in an e-mail. Click on the image to enlarge.

Vuvuzela Day Fun

Received these in an email (also no credit to the photographer).

I know some (South African) folks will take offense to the caption on the second pic, but just ignore it! The title of the email was SA's Got Talent. ^_^

"It ain't you all, it's y'all"

I'm a self-confessed Rush Hour fanatic (all of them), mainly for the hilarious scenes between Jackie Chan & Chris Tucker. Check out this clip where Carter shows Lee how to get down ^_*

Accent Training for Inspector Jacques Clouseau

I've been a fan of Steve Martin ever since Father of the Bride. Contrary to what many people think and feel, I thought he was hilarious in Pink Panther (and the sequel) as Inspector Jacques Clouseau. In this clip, he is being tutored by an accent coach before embarking on his great American adventure. So funny!

Lost in Translation

 Image from Google Images

There are a few things that I say in English that are often misunderstood or misinterpreted in Korean. As one would imagine, this can cause confusion (and sometimes frustration) with people I'm trying to communicate with. Some examples are:

• When I say "no" (in English) in sounds like "noh" which is "you" in Korean. So if I see a student rocking their chair or doing something that he/she shouldn't be doing and I say "no!" it's sometimes thought that I'm saying "you!"

• In South Africa, "ja" - pronounced 'yah - is "yes" in Afrikaans. However, in Korean, "yah" is a pretty rude expression to say to someone. It's like an aggressive "hey you!" So I have to be careful not to use this too often.

• When I say "where?" (indicating that I need a location), some people think I'm asking "why?" because "why?" in Korean is pronounced as "wae" or "where" (without too much 'r'). For example, the other day, a conversation I had with someone went something like this:

Him: What time work finish-y?

Me: 4:40pm

Him: 5pm downstairs office meeting. My car together go.

Me: Where?
Him: Keun-yang (meaning just....)

Me: No, 'oe-di?' (meaning where?)

Him: Your house.

In other words, he was trying to tell me that after I'm done with work, I should meet him downstairs and he'd give me a ride home. When he said we'd go together in his car, he thought I was asking "why" instead of "where".

There are a few more that I can't seem to think of right now, I'll update this post again as it comes back to me.

How to ask your boss for a raise?

Got this in an email the other day:

One day an employee sends a letter to her boss asking for an increase in her salary!!!

Dear Bo$$
 
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under $tanding of the need$ of u $worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am$ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
  Je$$y

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :


Dear Jessy

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet .

NOw the newspaper are saying the world's leading eco NOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean
           

Different Avatar's of Mr Bean

Got this in an e-mail from Pratigna.

If Mr Bean had a baby