My Facebook Timeout

I've been amused by the speculations surrounding my recent hiatus from Facebook. For someone who is a self-confessed Chatterbox, I can see how it heightened people’s curiosity that I have suddenly “gone quiet”.

Truth is, one day I felt I that I spent far too much time on the social networking site when I could have been doing something more productive. Having the app on my phone allowed me to access my account anywhere, anytime. I could be in a queue at the store or waiting for a friend in a restaurant. Also, when I when I wake up, I want to check in on what I've missed while I was asleep. And of course, before I sleep, to see what else I missed throughout my working day.

For a while now, I kept saying that I needed to get back into my writing, but the situation was that I either had the energy to write, but no time OR I had the time, but was ready to flop into bed. Take one step back. To write, I know that I needed to read more. From the time I could read a full sentence, I remember being an avid reader. Over the years, the excuse of “I’m too busy” became my line.

I decided to just go on a “Facebook fast”, if you like! A few days offline turned into a week. Being so busy at work, I found that I didn't actually miss anything. Sure, a few people asked why I was so inactive. No reason. I just started channeling my energy into activities that were benefiting my own self-development instead of reading about people’s personal lives. Don’t get me wrong, what people choose to share is their prerogative, but it didn't serve any purpose to me.

Time spent on Facebook can range from 30 seconds to an hour. It’s so easy to be sucked into the world of people’s photos or follow conversations happening in people’s Comments thread. Some may argue that it’s all about willpower. Self-control. Sure. But do we really have that?

I remember a period in Korea when I was quite serious about my writing. But the only reason I actually got things done was because I disconnected my laptop from the internet. How could I possibly get anything written with notifications popping up every few seconds? So the best thing (for me, at least) was to go cold turkey.

Last week, I logged into my FB account for the first time after over a month. 100+ notifications and over two dozen Inbox messages. I think I spent about 45 minutes sifting through everything and replying to everyone. But before I was sucked back in, I logged out.

I didn't want to go the route of actually deactivating my account. It’s still there. Open. It’s just a bit sleepy.

So the question is: HAVE I spent the time on self-reflection and self-development? Yes! Absolutely J

I have been reading a lot more, which has sparked my inspiration to write / journal quite frequently. Basically just doing some stock take of my life. Or what I like to call, “weeding”!

I haven’t disappeared completely off the Facebooksphere, but I can tell you one thing. A few weeks ago, I would not have written this blog post in the time space that I just wrote it (ie 14 minuteSoms!). That is with zero distraction and 100% concentration.

So to set the record straight, nothing is “wrong” or nothing “happened” that I have taken a back step. I just decided to be a bit selfish with my time and use it for my own personal gain.

Facebook: Reasons to 'unfriend' someone

From cnn.com

Why I divorced Facebook

From Google Images

I take offense when I'm lied to. I feel like this is what Facebook (FB) did to me.

We started our relationship in 2007. I agreed to all FB's terms and conditions and in turn, it promised to connect me to the world, but also allowing me to control how much of information I could make visible to others. FB allowed me to rekindle friendships with long-lost primary school friends.

FB also enabled me to see my high school friend's wedding and baby photo's and not just "hear" that so-and-so got married or so-and-so had a baby. I was able to share all of my travel adventures (photographs and tidbits) with all my "friends" on FB.

Logging onto FB every morning after checking my email was routine. I could see Friend A posted a picture of her baby's first tooth, Friend B had a bridal shower yesterday and oh...look at what Friend C had for dinner last night! When FB introduced the chat feature, there was always someone online to talk to when I logged on, regardless of timezones. I loved this. We were always connected.

Updating my FB profile with news (what constitutes personal news, by the way?), photos and contact information, it beat having to send out mass emails to everyone.

Sometimes it felt like I cheated on my blog with FB. I blogged less frequently. Why spend all that time writing and uploading photos on my blog, when I could upload a whole photo album with captions - telling the exact same story. Right? Also, it seemed like people were less likely comment on my blog, but more on my FB updates. Fine. As they wish. Even though on Blogger, you can opt to comment anonymously. But, it's your call.

And then "apps" were born. Some of them were fun. Friends were able to exchange virtual gifts, do "super pokes" and even give each other fun nick names. But then something called "Farmville" was invented. I started receiving the strangest invitations of crops and...whatever else Farmville consists of.

As a social network, I found that people on FB became far less sociable.

A few months ago (in March, to be precise) I felt betrayed by FB. All my privacy settings were set to default and for a brief moment, I felt naked to all my FB friends. Apart from this (which really annoyed me), people were becoming far less interested in replying private messages, wall posts or photo comments.

FB was also "Friend Suggesting" people whose names I had almost forgotten. How was FB making these connections? It was almost haunting.

I'd had enough, so I deactivated my account. I'd previously been on "FB Diets" - a whole week without logging on. Difficult, but possible. This time, I wanted to delete my account, but the folks at FB headquarters make it so difficult to do so.

By deactivating my account, my profile was not visible to my FB friends. Within a week, I started getting frantic emails and text messages from friends around the world. "Are you OK?" "What happened?" "What's wrong?"

Many of them forgot that I actually had an email address which they could email me on. Apparently, clicking Compose, typing and hitting Send from an email account takes a lot of effort.

To be very honest, I didn't miss FB. I started nurturing my blog again, which I'm glad I did. I logged back in a few days ago and saw that some of the privacy settings had changed again (which I was glad about).

I understand why FB is so huge and why people choose to use it as primary medium for communicating with family and friends. I, on the other hand, decided to give FB a break after realizing that of my 500+ friends, how many of them do I really communicated with on a regular basis? 200? No. 100? No. What about 20? I think I could say less than 10.

I also realized that my profile had many "lurkers". I knew they were lurking because when/if I'd meet them when I'm down in South Africa, they'd comment about my photo uploads. However, those were the people whose photos were only their profile pics.

Anyways, I will probably activate my account again, but not anytime soon.

The Social Network - Trailer

A story about the founders of Facebook:

Magic Words: Please & Thank You

I grew up learning that you can't get anything without using Magic Words:

Please
and
Thank You

I teach this to my students as well. They know they can't play a game unless they say "Please" and they can't leave my class until they've said "Thank you, teacher" Saying "Please" and "Thank you" is something that I'm very particular about. I think people who don't use these 'magic words' are downright rude. Simple as that.

Two words. With all the abbreviations and shortenings of words in text and online chat these days, it's also understood as two letters - TY. I mean, how lazy can you be to type that?

You lose nothing by saying Thank You. In fact, you gain appreciation of the person you're saying it to.

I recently Tweeted that, "I think it's important and courteous for writers and bloggers to thank their readers"

I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I try to acknowledge every single e-mail, text and blog comment. Regardless of who they're from or what they say. Even just by saying, "Thank you" it means I've noticed their correspondence with me. It's just respect, isn't it?

It grates my nerves when people don't respond to a text message or return a call. No one can be THAT busy to spare 10 seconds at the very least. I think of it like this:

If someone were talking to you right in front of you, would you blatantly ignore them? Well, I don't know about you but I certainly wouldn't. Also because I hate being ignored. So much so that it makes my intestines want to turn inside out. So why ignore their text or email? By using a question mark, it indicates that I'm looking and waiting for an answer. I certainly don't use that punctuation mark for my health and well-being!

Having said that, if you're reading this now... Thank you for reading this post :-)

Cheeky FB fairies!

Seven years had passed since we had any kind of communication - phone, e-mail, chat, text. All that gradually disappeared and over the seven years I gradually came to terms with it. Not to say that I forgot about him. I was reminded of him in so many different ways, but each time something popped up I tried to distract myself so as not to fall back into what never happened.

He wasn't a boyfriend. He wasn't a lover. He was someone who came into my life when I needed a friend the most. The kind you can talk about endless topics for hours on end and never get bored with each other's company. Mind you, I mean phone and online company. Yes, this is one of those stories that ten years ago would have made people's jaws drop.

A phone / cyber relationship.

But ours was not as simple as just that. We didn't meet in a chat room or online forum but were rather introduced by people we both knew.

To an outsider, the relationship was near perfect. What more could you ask for than a friend who is kind, caring, considerate, sharp, witty, well-liked, respectable...I could go on. Most of all, someone who says "I'm here for you" and actually means it.

Well that relationship ended. Not really ended. But withered away to another galaxy never to be seen or heard of again. At least with relationships, there's a definite "end" or break up. I think it's a bit more complicated when it comes to friendship. Although it happens, people don't 'break up' a friendship. They merely drift apart.

So seven years passed. Last year - June 2008, he crept back into my mind. I thought of him so much and wondered if it was possible to resurrect our friendship after three years short of a decade. Sometimes I'll admit I'm all talk and no action, but even I surprised myself at what I did.

After giving much thought and consideration to it, I plucked up the courage to e-mail him in July 2008. Seven years after we last spoke.

It took me 2 hours to write the e-mail. Probably longer.

As I hit the Send button, I asked my e-mail fairies to please deliver a reply to my Inbox the following day.

As you would imagine, I checked my e-mail countless times - and I kept calculating his and my time difference.

Maybe he didn't check his e-mail yet?
Maybe he's thinking out a long & thoughtful reply?
Maybe he's read it.
And maybe he's deleted it.

One will never understand the expression, "My heart jumped into my throat" until it actually happens.

When I saw I had 1 New Message, my heart felt like it skipped a beat. Seeing his name in my Inbox after all these years made my tummy flip. The next step was to open it and see what he had to say.

He said he was shocked to hear from me and that it had taken him all day and evening to write to me. I couldn't believe that I was reading an e-mail from him. I'd replayed this moment over and over in my mind *so* many times. He was online at the time, and we started an IM chat.

I can't explain it, but - apart from experiencing deja vu (for us both) it was as if nothing had changed. It was like time stood still and we were back in 2002 chatting away cracking jokes and poking fun at each other. No doubt he's changed. And so have I. But our communication was almost exactly the same. And we both agreed that it felt very comfortable talking to each other despite the 7-year gap. We chatted for over an hour.

The next day, we e-mailed and chatted for two hours. Our online times seemed to have worked out perfectly. When he was online at night, it was my lunchtime. I'd gulp down my rice and kimchi and rush upstairs to my office to chat to him - even if just for 20 minutes before my next class.

We continued e-mailing and chatting till about November 2008 (so in total - 4 months of on and off emails/chats)

And suddenly without any warning, my e-mail fairies stopped delivering his e-mails to my Inbox.

It's ok. It's *really* ok. Wanna know why? I figured all I ever needed was closure. That one little word that means SO much. I expressed everything I felt and wanted him to know in lengthy e-mails. I don't care whether or not he read them or deleted them. But I said what I had to.

So the sting of him disappearing from my Inbox and chat list is so much less painful than it was seven years ago. I've grown up. I'm matured. I've moved on.

Getting ready for work this morning, for some obscure reason he came into my thoughts. As far as I know, he's not on FB. I'd know because of our mutual friends. But he was unique like that, I thought - he didn't have to jump on the FB bandwagon just 'cause the whole world (almost literally) has a FB account. And that's what was so different about him. He was cool without tryig to be cool. But my mind occupied itself with my morning make-up routine and I hurried off to work.

Just before my first class of the day, I logged on. I couldn't believe my eyes. Right there, in the top right hand corner of my screen, FB was cheekily suggesting I add him as a friend. This was odd beyond words, as FB didn't point out our mutual friends as I don't *think* he has them on his list as yet.

Of course, I didn't add him. Clearly he doesn't want to communicate with me. And I don't believe in fighting against what's meant to happen.

But what are Big Guys up at FB headquarters up to? I mean, the e-mail address that I use for FB is not even the same one that I use when he and I used to e-mail / chat.

Well, I clicked the "x" next to his name - which was my way of saying to the FB fairies - "Thanks, but no thanks" Not for now anyway...

Facebook Username Countdown

In 7 minutes (and counting), Facebook will allow users to create a username for their FB profile. Been amazed by the media coverage of this 'event'~! What will yours be?

I facebooked your MUM!

image courtesy of Google images

You know social phenomena have reached new heights when it starts making headlines on reputable news websites. I’m talking about facebook. These days, people don’t seem to swap phone numbers. They merely say, “I’ll find you on facebook.” Not having a facebook account is almost as bad as not having a cellphone number – everyone is on it. And I mean everyone!

I have been in company where embarrassing photo’s have been taken of friends. Despite their present ‘euphoric’ state after generous amounts of alcohol, people still manage to say – “don’t you dare tag me!”

I find it really amusing when my friends bring up facebook during a night out. I mean, a few years ago we may have been classified as computer geeks, but these days if you're not online, you're considered to be a possible social misfit.

Let’s face it, if you’re on facebook, there is at least one photo that you either hate or are embarrassed by. And it was most likely uploaded by friends! But – it’s ok, because the whole point of being part of a social networking site like facebook is that YOU control who sees your personal details and those embarrassing photo’s!

Everyone has at one point or another received a “friend request” from someone you either
a) don’t know
b) don’t like

... And it’s perfectly fine to hit the “ignore” button. They’ll never know you’ve rejected them. And you have every right in doing so.

But what happens when the friend request is from your mum or dad?!

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with the folks having their own facebook account, but do they really want to see what their precious baby was doing on Friday or Saturday night while hitting the town with the boys / girls?!

I highly doubt it…

So - is it cool to have mum and dad on facebook?

Chatterbox August'07

Facebook - The new cyber drug

These days when I want to swap contact details with someone, I just take it for granted that they have a cellphone number and/or e-mail address. If they don’t, I’m gobsmacked! With the amount of Internet Cafés around the country, almost no one has an excuse for not keeping in touch with family and friends.

My family got the Internet at home about 11 years ago when not many people even knew what it was. The more addicted I became to the Internet, the higher our phone bill was for the month! And yes, I am ashamed to say that I became slightly addicted to chat rooms. Much to my school friends’ envy, I was meeting people from all over the world and started making e-pals (the online version of pen pals).

I met my first e-pal in a chat room. He was 16, lived in Canada and was a DJ. I 'met' 2 of his other friends, and believe it or not – ten years later, we are all still in contact!

Networking sites have been around for a while, and after getting e-invites from friends, I usually give in and register. I have done it all – hi5, myspace, Orkut and the rest. But the most addictive and time-consuming site of late is Facebook. Through Facebook, I have been reunited with nearly half my matric class. People who I thought I’d never see again and who I have been trying to track down are all of a sudden being added to my growing list of friends.

I have even joked with some of my friends that I need to go on a Facebook fast! It has really become the new cyber drug of internet users all over the world. What starts out as just logging in to check messages turns into a whole hour of random bantering with long lost friends, seeing who’s added new photo’s to their profile and who has left a message on my wall. Many companies have even started blocking the site, which does not allow employees to log on.

But what’s the addiction? How is Facebook different to other sites like myspace and hi5?

One of the main features of the site is that you can set your privacy settings so that only people you accept into your friend network will be able to view your profile. Once you’re on your friend’s profile, you can leave a message on their ‘wall’, send them a private message, maybe send them a virtual hug, look at their latest photos and generally see what they’re up to or what mood they’re in by checking out their status. With the increasing features appearing on the site, it’s no surprise that an hour can fly by once you’ve logged onto facebook.com.

And for friends who don’t want to be entwined into the addictive world of Facebooking, I have another means of keeping in touch with them – via my blog (www.sheetalmakhan.blogspot.com) Without the hassle of sending dozens of individual e-mails and photographs, I simply update my blog. Anyone can log on, see what I’ve been up to and leave comments on various posts for me. This will be especially useful when I embark on my travels within the next few weeks and I will be able to keep a travel journal of some sorts.

The world is shrinking and it’s no longer surprising to bump into a long lost acquaintance in a foreign country. Thankfully, my family and I are not technophobic and I am a self-confessed techno-addict.

I check my e-mail throughout the day and now and again sneak in a quick chat with a friend who’s online. Blogging has become a part of my routine, while Facebooking has become a habit I am seriously trying to ween myself off from!