Happy 40th Anniversary to our parents!

40 years ago on this day, our parents tied the knot. ❤️

It’s a family joke that they have two anniversaries - which isn’t entirely untrue. 

While their civil ceremony was in June, the traditional & religious ceremony took place in November - which I’m sure was so special. 🥰

I just love this photo of my parents, both looking good and healthy. 🤗 I always told my Mum that if I could be half the wife she was, I’d consider myself pretty awesome. 😉

Not a year went by that Dad didn’t gift Mum with flowers. Although it’s not the same, my brother and I - despite our geographical distance - tried to make Mum feel as special as she is. She deserves it! 

Life without our Dad is just different. For me, especially - it still feels unreal. It’s going on two years that I haven’t been with my family. We’ve come to peace with it, but there are moments when all I just need is a tight hug…the kind that can only be received from a mother.

Happy 40th anniversary, Mummy & Daddy…in heaven.  🕉🙏🏼🪔❤️

The Taare Express

Asking me to choose my favourite part is impossible. I loved every moment of The Taare Express! 

The concept, colours, scenery, music, choreography, costumes, performers - it was all just spectacular. ✨

As always, a reminder of the rich culture & heritage we share.

Congrats to you all! 👏🏼💖👑

Diwali 2021

I wasn’t going to post anything today, but I had to share something incredibly special that happened this morning. 😇💕

Our family isn’t observing Diwali this year.

We’re not sad. There’s just an absence of festivity. No dozens of diyas, my mum’s delicious mithai. It’s different.

However, I wanted fresh flowers for this auspicious day. 🌸

Early this morning, walking in the rain to the supermarket, I thought of my Dad. By that time - 08:00 - we would have already called to wish each other Shubh Diwali. 

As I entered the store, my heart literally skipped a beat. 

I don’t usually pay attention to the music playing over the sound system. But today blew my mind! 

Stevie Wonder. 

1984. 

It was my favourite song as a little girl. My dad had the LP of this and it’s also on the VHS of my second birthday party.

I caught the song at this very point:

“But what it is, is something true

Made up of these three words that I must say to you

I just called to say I love you

I just called to say how much I care

I just called to say I love you

And I mean it from the bottom of my heart”

For a few seconds, I stood in front of the flowers - frozen. And then, with teary eyes, I reached for my phone to capture the moment and share it with my Mum.

To others, I probably seemed lost or confused. But the truth is that I was receiving a very clear message from my Dad. 

Our favourite song from 37 years ago played as I walked in while thinking of our Dad on Diwali morning. You can’t beat that!

Shubh Diwali, love & warm wishes to all who are celebrating today. 🪔🙏🏼🤗❤️

Pitru Pooja 2021

This past Sunday for the first time in East London, our mandir (temple) carried out a “pitru pooja” (prayer for ancestors). 🪔 

To me, ancestors were always my great grandparents and grandparents who passed when I was much younger. 

I never thought of my Dad as one of our ancestors - until now.

I followed along virtually with our Guruji (priest) as I made an offering to Vishnu Bhagwan. It took about 1.5 hours and I honoured all our family members who’ve left us, especially those of this year. 

2021 has been brutal. 

Seven months later, the pain of losing a parent is still crippling. That my mum, brother and I haven’t been able to grieve together is harder than I could have imagined. 😢

The last “proper” phone conversation with my Dad was on Diwali morning last year. 

I held back my tears as I noticed his speech had already changed and he was slurring a bit. I never shared this with anyone, because it’s almost like I didn’t want to speak it into existence.

I sent photos to him of my Diwali decor and he told me on the phone: “everything looks so smart”. I always beamed with pride with compliments from him. 🥰

Yes. My Dad is now my guardian angel. I speak to him daily. I still turn to him for guidance, but the truth is that my heart still pains. 💔

It certainly doesn’t get easier - it’s something we just have to learn to live with.

I feel like while we speak about death and grieving, we don’t openly speak about how everything changes after a loved one passes.

How the family who is left behind has to pick up the pieces, create a new sense of normalcy. Shopping, cooking & sleeping habits all change. 

Trying to move on…minus the king of our castle.

In my eulogy, I wrote: “my Dad wasn’t only my hero, he was my superhero”. 

Even as an adult, to me - there was nothing that our Dad couldn’t do. When it came to his family, he made everything possible.

Grateful & honoured to be his daughter. 😇

🕉🙏🏼❤️

My Dad visited me in my dream last night

It was as if he was getting ready to go to his office. He was happy… being his mischievous self and making me laugh. 😃

But then I was confused.

“How is Daddy here when he’s passed on?” I asked.

So [in my dream] my brother explained to me that Dad’s cancer made it impossible for him to continue life “as normal” but he would still be around with us. Just, not like before…

The message I take from it?

As long as our love for our Dad is strong in our hearts, he will always be with us. 

I’m so grateful to vividly remember a special dream like this! 

❤️🙏🏼🕉

I had a wonderful birthday last week!

I had a wonderful birthday last week! ❤️

Thank you to everyone who took the time to wish me. I received some beautiful messages which I really appreciated. 🙏🏼

My parents have always made a huge deal when it comes to our birthdays - with countdowns, cakes and all the extras! 🥳🌈✨ (They even went out for cake & coffee in my absence!) ☕️🍰

This year I wanted to do something I wouldn’t usually do. Like…walking across a “hanging bridge”! 😬 It was a bit “eeek” but at least I have the pic to say: been there, done that. 😃

Despite all the heartache this year has brought, my day was a HAPPY one! 🥰

Lots of love to you all. 🤗😘

Five months since Dad's passing

Today marks five months since my Dad’s passing.

Every year on the 1st of July after our “Good morning” message was exchanged, my Dad would say something like “Birthday month!”

This year (as if he knew) my brother sent me a text: 

“Someone’s birthday month 👀” 

🥰

There isn’t a single day or special moment that goes by that I don’t think of my Dad. To share the books that I’m currently reading or what’s the latest on Netflix.

I miss his Dad jokes, selfies with Benjamin or showing me what he’d be eating, made with love by my mum. ❤️

Dear Daddy, 

We feel you with us even though you physically aren’t. I can’t believe that I hadn’t seen you in a year when you passed. And that I haven’t been able to grieve with Mummy & Bhai. 

Have a slice of birthday cake for me up there. We miss you more than words can express. We love you. Forever.

🕉❤️🍰