My Facebook Timeout

I've been amused by the speculations surrounding my recent hiatus from Facebook. For someone who is a self-confessed Chatterbox, I can see how it heightened people’s curiosity that I have suddenly “gone quiet”.

Truth is, one day I felt I that I spent far too much time on the social networking site when I could have been doing something more productive. Having the app on my phone allowed me to access my account anywhere, anytime. I could be in a queue at the store or waiting for a friend in a restaurant. Also, when I when I wake up, I want to check in on what I've missed while I was asleep. And of course, before I sleep, to see what else I missed throughout my working day.

For a while now, I kept saying that I needed to get back into my writing, but the situation was that I either had the energy to write, but no time OR I had the time, but was ready to flop into bed. Take one step back. To write, I know that I needed to read more. From the time I could read a full sentence, I remember being an avid reader. Over the years, the excuse of “I’m too busy” became my line.

I decided to just go on a “Facebook fast”, if you like! A few days offline turned into a week. Being so busy at work, I found that I didn't actually miss anything. Sure, a few people asked why I was so inactive. No reason. I just started channeling my energy into activities that were benefiting my own self-development instead of reading about people’s personal lives. Don’t get me wrong, what people choose to share is their prerogative, but it didn't serve any purpose to me.

Time spent on Facebook can range from 30 seconds to an hour. It’s so easy to be sucked into the world of people’s photos or follow conversations happening in people’s Comments thread. Some may argue that it’s all about willpower. Self-control. Sure. But do we really have that?

I remember a period in Korea when I was quite serious about my writing. But the only reason I actually got things done was because I disconnected my laptop from the internet. How could I possibly get anything written with notifications popping up every few seconds? So the best thing (for me, at least) was to go cold turkey.

Last week, I logged into my FB account for the first time after over a month. 100+ notifications and over two dozen Inbox messages. I think I spent about 45 minutes sifting through everything and replying to everyone. But before I was sucked back in, I logged out.

I didn't want to go the route of actually deactivating my account. It’s still there. Open. It’s just a bit sleepy.

So the question is: HAVE I spent the time on self-reflection and self-development? Yes! Absolutely J

I have been reading a lot more, which has sparked my inspiration to write / journal quite frequently. Basically just doing some stock take of my life. Or what I like to call, “weeding”!

I haven’t disappeared completely off the Facebooksphere, but I can tell you one thing. A few weeks ago, I would not have written this blog post in the time space that I just wrote it (ie 14 minuteSoms!). That is with zero distraction and 100% concentration.

So to set the record straight, nothing is “wrong” or nothing “happened” that I have taken a back step. I just decided to be a bit selfish with my time and use it for my own personal gain.

New Year's Eve blah-blah

"Do you have any plans for New Year's Eve?" Dreaded question? Yes.

Especially if you're going to say that you'll be at home and in bed before 12. While YOU may not have a problem with this, having to put up with "You're so boring." etc...is enough to make it a dreaded question.

This will be my first New Year spent in Cape Town. To be very honest, I don't remember going to a NYE "bash" before. I've welcomed the new year in with family (in East London), or an intimate gathering of friends (in Korea) ...and once, alone in a hotel room in Bangkok. It wasn't all that bad, actually.

Where I will be tomorrow this time, I don't know. But by just agreeing to 'go with the flow', it already alleviates pressure and expectations that one should go way out on December 31.

Anyway...just some random thoughts before I turn in on New Year's Eve eve ;)

Good night x

It's a Choice

I could so easily freak out now. Although I'll admit I did cry a little bit, I simply don't have the energy to cry anymore.

Spending the past few days with my family was good. With my parents, being in the home I grew up in, allows me to just "be". Even if it means having a temporary regime of eat - sleep - eat - read.

I don't do well at all with too much free time and at the beginning, my mind was far too idle.

Slowly, I learned to switch off and trained myself to be IN the moment with my family. I spent a lot of time reading. I'm halfway through Nelson Mandela's autobiography, "Long Walk to Freedom".

But another book which is like my refuel is Robin Sharma's "The Leader Who Had No Title". Listening to Sharma in his training video's makes me feel rejuvenated and alive.

I read all the way on the flight back this morning, but lo and behold...I felt a nasty pang of hollowness shortly after I arrived at my apartment.

It has been the most trying couple of months and if I may say so, I've shed more tears than I ever remember. I have so many unanswered questions, my heart is filled with confusion and anxiety. Yet all I'm told is to have patience.

So I had to take matters into my own hands and decided that I needed to make a choice. Am I going to whimper like a victim? No. I always bounce back. And before hitting rock bottom (again) I was ready to bounce.

Ultimately, we cannot choose what happens to us, but we CAN choose how we react to these events.

Less Stress Over Holidays (Demartini)

Along with Robin Sharma, someone else I truly admire and who I credit a lot of personal and professional change in my life, is Dr John Demartini. Just finished reading something that has been sitting "Unread" in my Inbox for a few weeks. In fact, my reading it now is a bit overdue, but better late than never, I say:

He speaks about how during the holiday season, many of us have elevated expectations to the point of being unrealistic. We expect a lot more from others (and ourselves) much of which can't really be fulfilled. When this happens, enter the ABCDs of negativity:

Anger & Aggression
Blame & Betrayal
Criticism & Change
Despair & Depression
...and then also
Fear
Guilt

Demartini speaks a lot about values and as we know, when we project our own values onto others, or vice versa, this is a recipe for an emotional crash-boom-bang!

The holiday season comes with facing a lot of family dynamics. In all families, we will notice an equilibrium of complementary opposites. So, what is important for me (reading, learning, self-development) may not be important to another. "Wisdom is to learn to appreciate ourselves and others as we are."

If you find that you are being criticized or rejected, the way to counter this is to ask where someone else is actually praising and accepting you. He or she needn't be in the same location as you are. But it is vital to remember that there is ALWAYS balance. It takes time and patience to dig deep to find these balances, but when you do, trust me - they are so rewarding! "We need both sides to center us."

I find this quite comforting, "You won't be confronted with a crisis you can't handle." If you find yourself in the midst of a crisis, the key is to stop and ask yourself, "What is the hidden blessing?" There is ALWAYS a blessing that comes from stressing. It's the law of the universe. It's all about balance, as I've said.

Speaking of transforming yours stressings to blessings, Demartini encourages that you reflect on the months gone by. Think of each individual, each experience and event which served you the most. Write each person a thank you letter. Write from the heart. Express yourself and acknowledge the person/experience/event. Just like magic, what seemed like chaos at the time, may actually be your biggest lesson of the year!

Waking up early (Sharma)

I've just watched another excellent video by my favourite, Robin Sharma on "How to Wake Up Early" and where he makes a lot of mention of the "5am Club". Here are some points I took from the session:

• Get over "the battle of the bed" / "mind over mattress"
• He who sweats more in training, bleeds less at war
• Waking up early allows you to train, practice & prepare
• Prepare your heart, your character and your spirit
• 5-8am is "prime time" when you have the most willpower, mental focus, energy
• Take full advantage of these 3 golden hours
• Waking up early while the rest of the world sleeps is already a psychological win.
• You'll feel less like a victim and more like a leader!
• Change is hard at the beginning, messy in the middle, but gorgeous in the end!
• Use the 20/20/20 Rule for your Morning Ritual
  20 mins for exercise
  20 mins for reviewing your plan / daily schedule / goals > gives you focus
  20 mins for learning
• Education is inoculation against disruption
• The world belongs to learners
• As you know more, you achieve more
• Watch inspirational / training videos
• When you write things down, you deepen your commitment (re: a schedule)
• Writing creates precision of thought
• The things that schedule lead to thing that get done
• To wake up early, get a deeper nights sleep 
• Re: sleep, quality is more important that quantity (no. of hours)
• Remember not to use a computer in bed before you go to sleep
• Put your alarm clock away from the bed / other side of the room / a different room
• Jump out of bed as soon as you get up!

I'm used to being ridiculed for my early morning rituals. I actually wake up between 04:00 and 04:15, which gives me enough time to get to the gym. I gym till about 05:30 and then make a point to spend about an hour or so reading and journaling (usually in my Gratitude Journal). By 06:00, I'm in the shower and ready to leave home by 07:00.

Early morning has always been my best time of the day. I feel like I can take on the world. That's why when I bounce into work with energy, I get quite a few side glances! Doesn't phase me much. Because when most people are still waking up, I've already done quite a bit in my day. Cheers to the 5am Club...or in my case, the 4am Club ;)

Be a Quick Learner with the Location Method

I absolutely love one of the memory techniques that Kwik shares which links association with location.

First of all, here's a list of the top 10 musts to be a "quick learner":

1. Good diet
2. Killing ANTS (automatic negative thoughts)
3. Physical exercise
4. Brain Nutrients
5. Positive Peers
6. Clean Environment
7. Sleep
8. Brain Protection
9. New Learning
10. Stress Management

Are you able to memorize a list like this at first glance? Yes? Sure you can! The trick is to associate each point with a different location. I'll use the example Kwik shares of his office. He asks that you close your eyes as he walks you through his office. This way, you have little to no distractions and you're able to conjure up your own image of the office. 

So you arrive at the office. Your first point will be the parking lot and as you move from the first point to the office, number each point/location like this:

1. Parking lot
2. Bridge
3. Elevator
4. Hallway
5. Closet
6. Receptionist
7. Fish Tank
8. Door
9. Whiteboard
10. Bonsai Trees

Now all you have to do is associate each point from the first list to a location / point from the second list. Like this:

1. Arrive in the parking lot and imagine a delicious buffet spread out there
   (Good diet)
2. Walk over the bridge that leads to the main building and imagine tramping on and killing ants
   (Kill Ants - automatic negative thoughts)
3. Step into the elevator and imagine doing exercise in there. Stretches / yoga / Pilates
   (Physical exercise)
4. Step out of the elevator into the hallway and imagine huge bottles of some kind of liquid
   (Brain nutrients)
5. To the left, there's a closet...and in there you will find your friends/colleagues
   (Positive Peers)
6. You then come across the receptionist and imagine she's cleaning her desk with detergents
   (Clean environment)
7. Behind the receptionist is a fish tank, but imagine that all the fish are asleep!
   (Sleep)
8. Now you arrive at a closed door which you need to open (maybe with a headbutt) so you may need a helmet (Brain Protection)
9. When the door has opened, you see a whiteboard with a teacher standing there, ready to teach!
   (New Learning)
10. Lined on the side of the room are bonsai trees. Imagine these relieve stress!
    (Stress management)

Remember: Being a quick learner will lead you to being a faster earner. When we read slowly, we lose time. When we lose time, we lose opportunities, and possibly our careers and yes, even our health.

I'm really excited to try this Location Method with my students. 

Let's learn FAST!

ONE of the main benefits of being on holiday is that I have been catching up. I know... I should be switching off completely instead of merely changing gears, but at last, I have have the time to catch up on e-mails and some online training videos that I have been putting off.

One video that I watched this morning is by the awesome Jim Kwik of Kwik Learning. I was introduced to Kwik's tips by my uncle just over a year ago.

So this morning I learned about how we can learn faster.

We live in a world where information is spewed out within seconds - right at our fingertips. What's interesting is that while the speed of information has increased, the speed in which many of us take in this info has remained the same. So, as Jim says, this gap needs to be bridged. I'm quite excited to get back to work on Monday and incorporate this technique in a workshop with my students.

Let's explore the whole notion of learning FAST - which we can actually use as an acronym.

F : Forget - Set aside everything else that you're thinking about.

A : Active - After being used to passive learning, we need to speed up!
S : State - All learning is state dependent. Control the way you sit & breathe when learning/reading.
T : Take Notes - Everything is a learning curve, so make notes!

I liked Jim's idea of taking notes eg:

CAPTURE (Take notes)

CREATE (Make notes)

In the first column, you jot down what you hear / observe while on the other side, you make notes of questions you'd like to ask or simply, notes to yourself.

Remember:

If Knowledge is power, then Learning is the Ultimate SUPER POWER!
Knowledge is Profit!