Tuesday, November 29, 2011

2011 - Nightmare from Hell

I'm all for positive blog posts and whatnot, but for this particular post, I would like to have a few words with something better known as 2011.

I don't remember another year which was as hard as 2011 was for me. No other year brought as much tears to my eyes as it did. From heartache to heartbreak, the last few months have felt like I was stuck in a nightmare and just couldn't wake up.

There are some days I would never want to re-live, where days seemed so dark I cursed life like never before.

Rejection hit me over and over and over again....and then some. I remember one particular phone call where I spoke to a person (for a job) and actually found myself saying, "Please...I'm on my knees begging you." Believe me, that is how desperate I was.

The day before my birthday, my e-mail account was hacked and Twitter account deleted. I cried bitterly - mostly because with all my e-mails and contacts that were gone, so were all my dozens of job applications. To this day, I'm still trying to re-build my Twitter following which was made up of teachers, writers and friends across the world.

People also walked out of my life this year. I've made peace with that and now realize that by them taking the exit, they were merely making space for greater people to enter my space. Everything - after all - happens for a reason. We may not realize it right now, but we will when the time is right.

I also feel like 2011 robbed me of my voice. It felt incredibly hard to string words together like I used to. I didn't feel the need to write like before. It was like my emotions were numb. Typically on a day where the skies are clear and the sun is shining, I would be in the happiest mood. This year, I saw very little sunshine and blue skies. I don't think I even heard birds chirping as much as before.

I know other people who also fell victim to the horrendous grey clouds that 2011 brought with it. Some experienced illness and others, death of loved ones.

So to turn the grey cloud around, if there's one thing I am grateful for is my health and the fact that I have two parents. Also grateful for my brother who at the best of times, has an old soul.

There's just one month left of this year and I will be glad as ever to see its behind on December 31 2011. I'm  fairly certain that 2012 will be a better one. For all of us.




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