Thursday, August 4, 2011

All I want and need is a break.

Originally written on Wednesday, August 3

I'm writing this with a lump in my throat and my eyes brimming with hot tears. I have really tried to stay as positive as I can for the past few months, but today I can't help the way I feel. It's a piercing feeling through my throat down to my stomach.

I'll never forget my last day at work in Korea.

As I pushed my chair in at my desk for the very last time, walked down the empty passages of the school and out the main school gate, I didn't want to really look back. The 15 minute walk to my apartment was slower than usual. I passed dozens of stores and shopkeepers - who I'd seen countless times on my way to work and back. I didn't know everyone by name, but we acknowledged each other with a smile and a slight head bow. Smiling at them for the last time - the lady with over done make up making hotteok, the cashier at my favourite bakery, the lady who had a baby clothing store - it felt a bit sad knowing that I wouldn't see them again. They didn't know that. I would leave quietly...leave the area I called home for 3 years. Leaving my students, my colleagues and my independence. Financial independence.

My colleagues and friends were curious about what I was going to do when back in South Africa. I didn't know, but I knew that I was going to come back home, find a niche I wanted to venture into (in the media industry) and claim it!

When I was back in the country, I did my homework to see what were good avenues to get into. Radio jumped out at me. That's what I wanted to do! Since school, I've been goal-orientated. When I want something, I won't stop at anything till I get it. I applied at all major radio stations, sending my CV, letter of application and demo to numerous stations - to the station manager and programming director. When I didn't hear back from anyone, I called.

I never knew that being unemployed would have such a crippling effect on my physical, mental and spiritual well-being. When people say, "It's rough out there", they really weren't kidding.

I know things don't happen overnight, but sometimes I can't understand why something I desperately want is taking such a long time to happen.

All I want and need is a break.

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