Tuesday, February 5, 2013

My mum - 14 January 2013

07:00 Breakfast with our auditor
09:00 Speaking evaluations with new students

I remember speaking to my dad after the morning visit. Mum was fine...and so I carried on with my day.

Then at 4pm – knowing my dad would have just seen my mum – I messaged my dad.  He replied saying he couldn’t see my mum because the doctors were busy with her.  “Where are you now?” dad asked. 

I knew immediately he wanted to call me. 

“How’s mummy?” I asked.
“I’m not happy.  They put mummy on a ventilator.”

I remember being silent for a while and then asked, “Must I come?”
“No. I’ll let you know if you must come.”

After hanging up from my dad I just remember tears falling from my eyes uncontrollably. A work friend who was in the office with me, Nicola, walked out with me.  I started crying and then sobbing. 

I wanted to see my mum.
I needed to see my mum.
And I knew that my mum needed me.

Nicoletta, my manager, came out to see me and said to call my dad and tell him that I want to go home.

Knowing that my dad was aware of our audit week etc, I was quite surprised when he agreed to my coming home.  I knew then that it was serious.  He said that my coming home may motivate mum to get better.

Two hours later, the academic team and auditor were on our way to the waterfront for dinner.

When I arrived at the waterfront I called my dad again.  During the conversation my dad said, “You must be strong.”

My dad never spoke like that.

“Please tell mummy I’m coming,” I said

Dinner was difficult. Sushi and wine sat heavily on my throat. I think I had more wine than sushi. I just wanted to be home. With my mum. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her. 

It was the worst dinner at my favourite restaurant.

I left the waterfront and went home.  Not quite sure how I drove home, but I needed to pack.  And then I was going to spend some time with Nicola.

Was I going to take a big suitcase or an overnight one? What should I pack? What was I going home to?

Every single thing I looked at or touched had my mother’s name on it. 

I sent a message to my dad asking him to please wake me up at 03:00.  The shuttle was going to pick me up at 04:30.

I didn’t sleep at all and the howling wind didn’t help either. I was chatting to my brother for quite a while too. I guess I wasn’t the only one not sleeping.

03:00 finally came and I texted my dad to tell him that I was awake.  When he replied immediately I knew straight away that he didn’t sleep at all.

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