Friday, November 20, 2009

PA Part 2 - "I think you need medicine"

Image taken from Google Images
PA Part 1 - F*ck no! Not here. Not now.

It feels like a force takes over my body. Every inch of it. From my fingertips to my eyebrows to the pit of my stomach. It's like the devil has come to play in my body.

My heart starts racing and I'm breathing heavily. I try to keep my cool and not draw attention to me, but there are people everywhere and it feels like they're all staring. Yong-un pulls me aside and hits my arms.

"Sheetal! It's just me now, are you OK?"

I need to get out of that fish market. The head teacher asks Yong-un to take me away. A scooter drives by and I tense up even more after it makes its noisy way past me.

"I think you need medicine," he tells me.
I'm walking as if I'm drunk and if it's not for him helping me, I feel like I could just collapse right there in the middle of the fish market.

Must I tell him what's happening to me? If I do, my Korean colleagues will know that I get panic attacks. What I've kept to myself for the past 2 years of living here will be known to people I see and work with everyday. Knowing how paranoid some people can be of conditions like this, I decided before coming here that I would keep this information to myself.

My doctor says casually, "Having panic attacks is like having asthma" It's more common than we think. And he also told me to always remind myself that I WILL NOT DIE from it.

It's been months since I last had an episode. I've not allowed it to hinder my life in any way, and I don't think it's necessary to randomly tell my colleagues and acquaintances about it. Although I do believe that friends should be aware so that they know how to react when an attack occurs.

I remember my doctor telling my parents not to 'baby' me in that condition, because I have a tendency to regress to the behaviour of a child. The first time I had a panic attack in 2003, I regressed to a 3-year-old child.

I close my eyes as I walk. My legs feel like they're made of lead. It's too much effort to walk. I just want to collapse in the puddles of water I'm walking through. I want to tell Yong-un that my body is weak. I can see the concern on his face and I feel a pinch of guilt.

Should I just let him take me to the pharmacy? I try telling him something, but my tongue has a mind of its own and won't let the words out. I want to tell him that I know what's happening to me. But then he pushes me in the direction of the pharmacy door.

Must give Korea credit for being one of the most convenient countries with pharmacies and stores on nearly every block.

Also, it may be frustrating for us both if I try to explain all this to him now. I'm not that close to the other teachers in the group (there are 10 of us out) and I don't think it's important for them to know all this about me. I do want to tell Yong-un that it's a panic attack, but he's already talking to the pharmacist.

He asks Yong-un something in Korean.
"Does your body ache?" he asks me.
I shake my head but touch my neck saying that the muscles are tight.
The pharmacist puts two boxes of tablets down with a small bottle of a Korean drink.
Apparently, it will calm me down. That's all I need. To calm down. So I take it, but I want to be outside.

PA Part 3 - "I think your mind isn't good now"
   

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

hey i have started reading ur blog recently its good i like it,how nice its great for me to know that we girls are also smart... ,i have been always told that we girls arent good in being creative are you a artist as well you know because the way you write its like a nice art...any ways thank you

Sheetal said...

Anonymous,

Thank you so much for reading my blog and for your kind comments. I really do appreciate it :-) ..and no, I'm not an artist! Hope to 'see' you again soon! Have a lovely w'end :) *Sheetal

Anonymous said...

miley cyrus nude [url=http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/mileycyrus]miley cyrus nude[/url] paris hilton nude [url=http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/parishilt]paris hilton nude[/url] kim kardashian nude [url=http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/kimkardashian45]kim kardashian nude[/url] kim kardashian nude [url=http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/celebst]kim kardashian nude[/url]

Anonymous said...

married dating [url=http://loveepicentre.com/]online adult dating[/url] philippines meet singles http://loveepicentre.com/ potassium argon dating

Anonymous said...

rite aid pharmacy fallriver ma [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/alpha-lipoic-acid.htm]alpha lipoic acid[/url] medications for depression in children http://usadrugstoretoday.com/catalogue/w.htm avoidant personality disorder fantasies http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/accutane.htm
blood group incompatibility jaundice [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/activ8--energy-booster-.htm]activ8 energy booster[/url] rock group heart [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/adalat.htm]page medical equipment[/url]

Anonymous said...

cholesterol benefits [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/ed-discount-pack-2.htm]Order ED discount pack 2[/url] illinois state medical society http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/strattera.htm potassium blood levels http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/aldactone.htm
odon pharmacy indiana [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/tetracycline.htm]tetracycline[/url] cleveland clinic internal medicine [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/requip.htm]top ten strategies for oppositional disorder[/url]

Anonymous said...

church supportede drug rehabilitation san diego [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/bystolic.htm]bystolic[/url] mcstories drug road trip chapter 8 http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/azulfidine.htm niple penis together http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/omnicef.htm
fitz hugh syndrome [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/minocycline.htm]minocycline[/url] turkey breast crock pot recipe [url=http://usadrugstoretoday.com/products/estrace.htm]what not to eat on a diet[/url]

Anonymous said...

http://meen.in/cilostazol/using-diprosone-cream-and-cyklokapron-together
[url=http://meen.in/cla/cla-ipc]nas fort worth pharmacy formulary[/url] prescription drugs on the job [url=http://meen.in/evista/evista-raloxifene-west-virginia]evista raloxifene west virginia[/url]
grape fruit drug interaction http://meen.in/clarinex/claritin-clarinex
[url=http://meen.in/carisoprodol/information-on-carisoprodol-being-a-controled-substance]action and indication of expectorant drugs[/url] problems with generic drugs [url=http://meen.in/escitalopram/escitalopram-oxalate-experances]escitalopram oxalate experances[/url]
jobs for pharmacy technicians in augusta county virginia http://meen.in/cetirizine/cetirizine-hc
[url=http://meen.in/celadrin/celadrin-at-rite-aid]medications for erectile disfunction[/url] alavantrice diabetec drug [url=http://meen.in/clomiphene/fonctionnement-du-clomiphene]fonctionnement du clomiphene[/url] on drugs flash game [url=http://meen.in/ezetimibe/pronunciation-ezetimibe]pronunciation ezetimibe[/url]

Anonymous said...

http://healthportalonline.in/cilostazol/cyklokapron
[url=http://healthportalonline.in/cialis/cialis-blues]how to pass a drug test dirty[/url] mn pharmacy technician [url=http://healthportalonline.in/cetirizine/cetirizine-hplc]cetirizine hplc[/url]
reliable online pharmacy http://healthportalonline.in/captopril/buy-captopril-cheap
[url=http://healthportalonline.in/carbamazepine/what-is-carbamazepine]difficulties in researching health determining behaiours[/url] anti arrhythmic drugs [url=http://healthportalonline.in/celecoxib/celecoxib-100mg]celecoxib 100mg[/url]
milton jackson brown philedelphia college of pharmacy http://healthportalonline.in/carisoprodol/carisoprodol-cost
[url=http://healthportalonline.in/cialis/discount-prescriptions-cialis-tadalafil]evista online pharmacy[/url] cvs pharmacy point pleasant beach nj [url=http://healthportalonline.in/carbidopa]carbidopa[/url] herbal hallucinate drugs in morocco [url=http://healthportalonline.in/candesartan/candesartan-cilexetil]candesartan cilexetil[/url]

Anonymous said...

salamander shoes http://topcitystyle.com/light-blue-casual-color58.html louis vuitton shoes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/navy-blue-grey-dolce-amp-gabbana-color216.html]klein adept geometry[/url] christian dior biography
http://topcitystyle.com/-pullover-armani-category31.html six six one shoes [url=http://topcitystyle.com/yellow-brown-color194.html]lauren graham fakes[/url]

Anonymous said...

Thanks!! very good and interesting reading material created by you. Will definitely return back here and have bookmarked this page...it's good to be wise!!
HB

Related Posts with Thumbnails