Friday, November 20, 2009

PA Part 1 - F*ck no! Not here. Not now.


Image taken from Google Images

As I write this, my eyes feel heavy and the muscles around my neck and shoulders are tight.

It happened just two hours ago.
I had to tell myself, "You're not going to die"

Here's what happened:

I'm at a fish market at dinner with the 6th grade staff. We're having sushi (Yes, I try some but wrap it up in lettuce with soy sauce and some other things) To drink, I have Cider. The head teacher pours so-ju (Korean alcohol) in a shot glass for everyone and I only use it for a toast. It's been months since I drank the stuff and I'm not keen on having it tonight. The glass sits FULL in front of me.

I'm in a pretty cheerful mood and my friend, Yong-un who is sitting next to me is having one of his 'good' days and is very talkative and making me laugh.

I suddenly become very sleepy and start dozing off right there at the end of the table. We're upstairs in a restaurant that's full of people now. I'm sitting on the heated floor and think perhaps I need fresh air. The other teachers are making plans about our next social. I'm jolted awake when Yong-un hits my arm to get my attention to ask me something.

I feel a bit disorientated and tell the head teacher sitting across from me that I need to go outside. It's time for us to leave anyway, so we put on our jackets and shoes and head out.

The cold air outside hits me very hard. My right hand starts shaking uncontrollably.
My thoughts at that moment?

"F*ck no!
NOT here.
NOT now.
Go away Goddammit.
Please
"

Yong-un asks me, "Are you OK?"
"No"
"Are you cold?"
I shake my head. My shoulders and neck lock in.
They all think I'm cold. Yong-un takes off his thick jacket for me, but I can't tell him that I don't want it. I actually can't tell him. I feel irritated. They are confused what's going on with me, but I know. I know what is happening to me.

I'm having a panic attack.

PA Part 2 - "I think you need medicine"

2 comments:

samroo said...

i just love this article , heheheh , and yeh sometimes the panic attack comes in the wrong place wrong time. and trust me , its a bad feeling .

Sheetal said...

SAMROO

Thank you for reading this :-) Yep, it's awful :(

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