Monday, October 16, 2006

My own personal post


I hate feeling needy. More than that, I hate complaining. But this is my blog. My space. And I can say whatever the hell I want to. Right? So here goes:

Over the past week, I swear - about 5 people have told me that I am looking different. "Good different?" I ask? "Yes...you're....glowing!" and then of course, I am asked, "What's his name"?

For the record: There is no "he" featuring in my life at the moment. Trust me, if there was, I'd have blogged about him by now :)

But yes... I have been feeling much more relaxed in this final quarter of my university career. Work is going well, and I have a lot of free time on my hands... which I am really not used to. I am used to being occupied from morning till the early hours of the next morning.

I'm not writing this post because I want sympathy. I just wanted to vent.

So even though I have been told that I am looking "good", why am I not "feeling" it? I am just feeling let down by ....well, people...

It's hard to put into words all that is going through my mind now, but today was a day where I just wanted to talk. Not about anything in particular, but I just wanted to have company - most of my day was spent working (on my laptop) so in the process...I got chatting to friends - online. Nope, that didn't fill the void I was feeling. I wanted to be in actual human company... in the flesh! And as dramatic as that sounds, I don't care. I wanted to see and hear people talking and laughing in front of me. In the flesh. But most people were busy this evening...as I had been throughout the day.

So I called my mum - she didn't have assignments / tests etc to work on (LOL) so I thought I'd see how her evening was going. And I told her that I was feeling a bit lonely. She asked where all my friends were. Well, they were occupied doing other things. Like I said at the beginning of this post - I hate feeling needy. I know that my friends are busy with academic work / sorting out their own lives etc... and if anything, I'm supportive of all that.

But I am feeling a bit pissed off right now...
An example - I was trying to 'talk' to a friend... and I was cut off mid-sentence. This, from someone who rambles on till the cows come home. I'm used to this, but today it just hit a nerve.

Just once, I'd like someone to ask me how my day was ...and be genuinely interested in knowing about it...

Just once, I'd like someone to remember an important test that I have to write - and wish me luck for it...

Just once, I wish someone would give ME a hug, just for the hell of it.

Just once, I wish conversations wouldn't only be all about the other person...

Ok , so maybe I sound needy after all - but hell... I'm only human and we all have a right to feel this way...right? If everyone else around me can feel that way, why the hell can't I?

I love being the one people feel comfortable talking to when they need advice or cheering up. It makes me feel good helping others. It really does.

But who do I go to when I want to cry just for the hell of it?

This evening, my mother told me that we are living in a cruel world. Stating the obvious, mother...but her words ring true.

Each man (or woman) for his (or her) own.

DISCLAIMER: I have generalized in this post. I have certain friends who - even when they are busy - will spare me five minutes. Sometimes, that's all I need...

19 comments:

shruti said...

hi sheetal,
a big tight hug to you....
sometimes , it happens ..even with me also..
just cheer up !!!!
again a sweet hug to you dear....
be happy...

lori said...

I love the quote at the bottom. Those friends that spare time even when they are busy mean a lot.

Sheetal said...

SHRUTI:

Will you believe me if I said I smiled when I read your message for me?! Thank you so much - it meant a lot :)

Sheetal said...

LORI:

Thanks :) and thanks for stopping by...! It was really nice to see your message!

t-hype said...

I was totally feeling like that the other day too! Don't feel bad about letting it show.
;)

Sheetal said...

Hey t-hype ;)

Really?! What did you do to cheer yourself up?

Thanks for stopping by and leaving a message! I hope all is good on your end..

Carlz said...

hey Sheets - Wanted to say thank you for your contribution to Jo's Tool Kit - really appreciate it!! Im sorry u feeling crappy - but like all things - it wont last forever. Ppl are weird at the moment in general - I think ppl aren't dealing too well with "the end"

Sheetal said...

Hi Carlz,

Thanks for the message! It is really pleasure (re: J's T) - keep your eyes peeled for more ;)

Love Sheets
x

Aparna said...

It happens...and no amount of cyber friends can make up for that one friend in 'flesh' as you put it...I hope you feel better today!
Big hug to you (to be saved for more days like those) :)

Mayank said...

im kinda late i guess, but here's an e-hug for ya.

sorry, iran's too far away otherwise i would have stopped by for lunch or something... ;)

Sheetal said...

APARNA:

Thank you so much for visiting and for your kind words! I really appreciate the hug, and will save it when needed :) But really, with all the messages I have received after this post, I feel so loved :> It's such a warm and fuzzy feeling!

Thanks again...

Sheetal said...

MAYANK:

Thanks so much for stopping by and for your message! When you're in Africa again, maybe we can meet up for lunch, huh?!

:> Will email you soon!

Sheetal said...

MAYANK:

Thanks so much for stopping by and for your message! When you're in Africa again, maybe we can meet up for lunch, huh?!

:> Will email you soon!

mommyof2 said...

I hear ya girl*sign* All we need is to be loved and people to be there like we are always for them…

Sheetal said...

MOMMYOF2:
Thanks for the message, and it's so nice to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way :)

I will visit your blog soon...

Nic said...

Hi Sheets,

I know what you mean, I know how you feel. I wish I could just tell people to stick it. I have blogged about your comments at my blog, Shutterview

Sheetal said...

NIC,

Good to hear from you... I wish people like us had the guts to tell others to STICK IT! lol

:)

Daddy's Girl said...

Hi Sheetal, love this post. It captures how I feel from time to time. You're right, sometimes just a few minutes of a loved one's time can make all the difference. I think your blog is great. Keep blogging!

Sheetal said...

daddy's girl

Hi :) thanks for visiting my blog. I'm glad you liked this post!

I hope you'll visit again soon :>

Take care...

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